How to Get to Know Yourself in 5 Fool-Proof Steps

Knowing yourself

Living a lie comes out sooner or later.

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

When I read this quote first, I felt something tighten in my heart.

I was still at my corporate job, living in total conflict with my core values, and still denying the reality of the situation. It took a simple phrase to snap me out of my coma and help me see how I had created my own agony: By denying who I am.

And for what? So I could go on being someone else to impress people I don’t care about for reasons that don’t matter? It isn’t worth living a lie and being untrue to who you are, no matter how crazy, how eccentric, how uncommon, how different you may be.

You are who you are. The earlier in life you accept this and get on with it, the easier and sweeter you shall live out your days.

Let’s start embracing it instead of hiding it under the covers.

As for me, when the lie became so blatantly obvious, I accepted who I am, quit my cushy job, started my online business, created my dream lifestyle and have never looked back.

A secret I didn’t even know: You won’t miss the lie you are living, because living true to yourself is the real paradise.

This kickstarted the beginning of a self-discovery journey that I share with you here: How to get to know yourself and how to have the courage to live life as exactly who you were meant to be, being true to your core values, and coming to peace with it all.

How well do you know yourself? Ready to find out?

First, I invite you to answer these 29 questions to discover the real you.

Reminder: You can still grab The Positive Affirmations for Life program with more than 4 hours of audio affirmations for 7 life situations that impact your happiness and success the most.

You can be different from the rest of the world and still be fabulous — in fact, you’re fabulous because of it, not despite it.

Different means good. So if you are different, you, my dear, are good.

The idea is to understand what makes you different, and as you do that, you get to know yourself better.

It’s perfectly fine to explore what your heart wants. It’s completely alright to tune out the rest of the world so you can build a connection with your soul. It’s remarkably uncommon, but it’s fine and it’s alright, so do it. You won’t regret getting to know the person who lives inside yuo.

The most beautiful thing you will ever witness in your life is when you begin to unfold into the person you were meant to be from your very beginning.

It’s not about your favorite color or school subject. We’re talking big stuff.

Knowing yourself is beyond figuring out your favorite color or your favorite subject in school or your favorite music album. We are no longer in high school — thank heavens – where being “yourself” meant mimicking everyone else, acting stupid in the collective and defying rules, and feeling insecure all day long while doing it!

Knowing yourself is the process of understanding you – the human being – on deeper levels than the surface. It is an unpredictable road that you must bewilling to explore. It brings you face-to-face with your deep self-doubts and insecurities. It makes you take a serious look at the way you are living your life and put it to question.

The whole thing can suck for a little while but then it gets better, and like anything else, a little hard work at the start pays dividends in abundance for the rest of your life.

Knowing yourself means respecting your values in life, your beliefs, your personality, your priorities, your moods, your habits, your magnificent body, and your relationships.

Knowing yourself means understanding your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and fears, your desires and dreams. It means being aware of your eccentricities and idiosyncrasies, your likes and dislikes, and your tolerances and limitations.

Knowing yourself means knowing your purpose in life. Or coming really darn close to finding it out!

You’re not born knowing yourself. Get over it.

You do not get to know yourself simply by growing up and growing old. Knowing yourself is a conscious effort; you do it with intention and purpose.

Not knowing yourself becomes obvious sooner or later. A quiet frustration lives in your heart when you do not know yourself. You may choose to live with it and ignore it – or you may choose to start getting to know yourself.


How to Get to Know Yourself in 5 Fool-Proof Steps:

1. Get to Know Your Personality

Understanding your own personality is the first key. You have the collective opinion of others which is one aspect.

You also have your own database of information about what your personality is really like, and who you are in your private moments as well as in your public ones.

The idea is to get to know your personality inside out, to know what you are and what you are not like. Understand what makes you react a certain way in life’s myriad of situations. Ask yourself “Why did I do that?” and answer it.

Who are you behind your name? What are your characteristic traits? Who are you among friends? What about strangers? What persona do you portray to the outside world?

What are you really like on a good day as well as a bad day, in face of a challenge or a great reward? How do you react to the world around you?

2. Get to Know Your Core Values

Your core values are the morale codes and the principles you hold near and dear to your heart. When I work with my clients, one of the first things I ask prior to our coaching sessions is a list of their top eight core values.

You probably have more than eight values, but the top eight play the big roles in decision-making, influencing, persuading, conflict-resolution, communication, and living your day-to-day life.

In your work, in your home, in all aspects of your life, which values can you never compromise? Those are your core values.

Is it honesty, integrity, security or flexibility? Is it dedication to others, wisdom and learning, financial comfort or fun? Do you value loyalty above excellence, responsibility above ambition, or innovation above improvement?

3. Get to Know Your Body

Youth is such foolishness. In my 20s, I used to think I know my body. I was but a child. The more I learn about my body, the more mysterious it becomes and the more I push my body, the more it surprises and delights and amazes me. Yours can too.

How well do you know your body, your breathing, your abilities, your limits of balance and flexibility?

Have you ever said “my body can’t do this” and that “my body type won’t do that” without even trying a physical challenge? Before you close the door to wonderful possibilities, take another look. Take the time to become truly intimate with the loveliest temple on earth, your own body.


4. Get to Know your Dreams

Your dreams and hopes create the pathway into your future. They help you build the life you can be proud of living.

Your dreams matter. Your dreams are important. Your dreams are worth going after. Don’t believe anything less.

And start getting to know your dreams well. Get to know the details and the specifics.

If you want to become a musician, ask yourself: What instrument do you want to play? What level of proficiency do you want to learn? How big a part of your life would it be? And on and on until you know everything about your dream.

Make your dreams part of your daily pursuits. Take them seriously. Work at them. Glorify them instead of hiding them and being ashamed of them.

5. Get to Know your Likes and Dislikes

What do you like and just as important, what do you dislike? Simple, innocent question but knowing this about yourself gives you a lot of confidence into who you are. A lot of people go through life liking what’s popular and disliking what’s not “cool”. Don’t do that.

Take the time to define your likes and dislikes, and don’t put it up for a vote among family and friends. You decide.

Defining your own likes and especially dislikes takes guts. It maybe impolite to dislike attending yet another baby shower or spending 3 hours with extended relatives, but look at the alternative. If you keep doing frustrates you and neglect what brings you joy, you give up part of who you are. It’s the least likely path to any happiness whatsoever.

Stay true to your likes and dislikes. Nobody has to like them but you!

Getting to know yourself allows you to tap into the well of happiness beyond your imagination. Bliss even on cloudy days.

If you need a hand, I’ve recorded these 300 positive affirmations on simple audio tracks on 7 situations of life that impact life and happiness the most. Take a listen! Stop waiting. Start now to get to know yourself better today.

Get Confident in 21 Easy Steps

  • Ainslie Hunter


    What I think is interesting about your list is that it is a mixture of ideals that you have developed over time as well as some you probably developed when you were much younger.

    I find a lot of people work with the extremes. They either stay with the thinking when they were younger or change way too frequently.

    I am at a stage of my life where I am getting to know myself again as my current thinking is just not working anymore.



    • Farnoosh

      Dear Ainslie, how lovely to see you here….thank you so much for enjoying the post and sharing your thoughts. Interesting observation. I see mostly the people in the former group that you mention. A good balance is key and if it’s change for the sake of change, well then, we know how well that goes. I am so glad you are on the path to self-discovery too.

  • Alison Moore Smith

    I do see genuine value in all this but, honestly, I think our culture is hyper-self-focused. Constantly turning inward, IMO, stifles us, makes us over self-critical, and puts us at odds with the rest of the human race. I’m not sure how much value comes from a great deal of self-analysis, at least for the reason that we’re pretty lousy at seeing ourselves objectively. We do, after all, have a horse in that race. :)

    Surprisingly, I have found service and OTHER-esteem to be the things that actually create a BYPRODUCT of self-esteem. There’s a great book by Ester Rasband called Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem that is a great treatise on this.

    One additional comment. You said:

    I can tolerate extreme physical pain for long periods but I cannot tolerate loud and obnoxious children even for five minutes.

    I couldn’t help linking this to your post about deciding not to have children. As you know I have six kids. You might not know that I famously (and repeatedly) told every guy I dated in college, “I’ll have TWO kids…if I like the first one a LOT.” Five minutes with bratty kids was far more than I could tolerate. (And most kids seemed bratty to me.)

    All I can say is that your own children are not remotely like other people’s children. Even when they are loud and obnoxious — and if you’re loud and obnoxious like I am, that is a forgone conclusion! — they are the most dear, wonderful, precious things in the entire world. Even when they’re teenagers. :) It’s positively other worldly.

    Thoughtful post, as always, Farnoosh. I’m always glad I visited.

    • Farnoosh

      Hi Alison, so nice to continuously see you here. I love having not just a reader but a challenging one. I see it differently of course as you know from the post and here’s why. Focusing on myself has allowed me to be able to give so much more compassionately and generously to not just a few others but to large growing numbers. Turning towards myself allowed me to discover I love blogging, giving and writing. Focusing on myself while shutting the world showed me that I am meant to do great things but was on a path that was defined by convention. Turning inward FIRST is THE way to turn outward with preparation and with a strong foundation to not just help the world but to set an amazing example. And speaking of turning inward and focusing on oneself, I think having children is the epitome of that and you have six wonderful children. You have taken the time to focus on exactly what you want selfishly and that is a great virtue and it has been to have your own family. I think it’s all about how we see it but I stand firmly by the fact that if we are selfless and constantly looking outward, we will be lost and beyond hope someday. It takes building the inside first to know how we can truly help the outside.
      Oh and on the children front, I mean, if the kids are bratty and obnoxious, it is a prime example of being considerate of outside world – even if we consider them “adorable” in those impossible moments, why does the rest of the world have to suffer? Parents of obnoxious children are the prime example of not taking anyone else but themselves into consideration. I am sure you agree – or at least, you did before you had your own children. No? :) Thank you for the discussion. You got me all excited with this topic, Alison.

      • Nathan

        Lovely post here fanoosh. keep it up.

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  • barbara

    Farnoosh, I can tell you, from my experiences, that getting to know who you are is a very fluid goal because we are, hopefully, continually growing. Just as children go through stages I believe adults do, too. Our life experiences impact how we view the world and how we interact in it.

    I found these two points interesting:
    friends come and go no matter how much I invest in the friendships.
    … I am very sensitive as a woman and it pains me to see how much some friends forget the huge favors I have done for them over the years.

    This seems, to me, that you have strings attached to favors. I believe when you give anything, whether a physical gift or a favor, expecting something in return… you’re not giving from the heart.
    I’ve found that friends do indeed come and go. People grow apart due to the continual changes we all go through.
    Interesting post! Thanks.

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Barbara, how nice to have your insights. I have been thinking about what you said. Oh I have definitely always given from the bottom of my heart. That is not at all questionable. But I have hoped, wished and counted on the friendship in return. If I do not receive it for the long term, then I realize that I chose poorly and that the people to whom I gave so generously really were not worthy of my gifts. That is me. I give generously, without expecting gifts or favors in return, but yes I do want the friendship, and the remembrance. There may be many other ways to give. In fact, in many occasions, when I donate or help others or build a community, I give freely. When it comes to friendships, you bet I expect the friendship in return :)!
      Anyway, as you said, and as we agreed on this piece, alas, friends come and go but to a precious few, I should hope to hold on. Thanks for your thoughts as always.

      • barbara

        Farnoosh, I understand your feelings about friendships completely. If you don’t have an honest give and take with a friend, what have you got? I, too, have been hurt by giving too generously then realizing I was being used. At least that’s how it felt. I think those of us who are giving and nurturing always run the risk of being taken advantage of because we so want to see the good in everyone.
        When we can see the other person for who they really are we make the choice to move on. There are often regrets, but I think these are the experiences that help us to grow. That is part of the process of getting to know yourself, I believe.
        Once again you’ve created quite a dialogue here. I love it!
        Thanks, b

        • Farnoosh

          Yes, now you understand me COMPLETELY. PS: Would you like to make friends with me? I think we’d get along fine ;)! LOL.
          Thank you Barbara for coming back. You know, I do understand and love the idea of giving without receiving. My husband is always telling me to not give away “the farm”! But with friendships, as you said, it’s different and for me, just the love and checking on each other and asking about how I am doing is enough. I know that gifts are very personal and we all happen to be in different financial positions in life and my friends run the gamut. I have the rich, the poor and in between but all I want is the good true heart that remembers me over time. I am sorry you too have been hurt – the best decisions I have made are to move on and do it without bitterness. It is what it is. There are many deserving of my friendship and I am happy to give yet again and again.
          Did I say thank you for coming back? :)

          • barbara

            Farnoosh, I mentioned you in my ‘birthday post’ on my blog last week as I was thanking all the wonderful people I’ve met over this year and how they’ve enriched my life. It started with Annabel and Darren Rowse and now the rest is History. Yes, we are friends!

  • The Vizier

    Hi Farnoosh,

    As I was growing up, I always felt that other people knew better than I did. After all, they had more experience and presumably more expertise. It could be the culture too I suppose. And so, for the longest of time, I conformed to expectations of the people around me. I thought that if I did what other people told me to do, things would be ok. Nothing could be further from the truth though. Things were not ok and I did not know myself very well then.

    One day, I had enough and slowly I embarked on my journey to know myself. I had to overturn and let go of everything I thought I knew and believed up till then. It was a very unsettling upheaval, as my world crumbled around me. But in the process, I discarded all the ideas that did not agree with me and kept those that appealed to me. I found and created beliefs and values that were wholly my own. I never looked back after this awakening.

    It helped that I read widely; history, eastern philosophy, self-help, new age etc. I had my likes and dislikes of course. For example, I love Eastern European, Middle Eastern and Asian history while I dislike the history of Western Europe. Even though I grew up on King Arthur and Robin Hood, as I got older, I came to prefer Khalid bin Al-Walid, Saladin and Mehmed II. It was unsettling to be different, but this is who I am, so be it.

    I also found that I enjoyed eastern philosophy like zen even though I was brought up Christian. Somethings like my Christian upbringing is too deeply embedded to remove, but it can evolve to encompass a greater whole. All in all, I pretty much blended everything into something that worked for me. I think it helps in the journey of self-discovery to see the bigger picture of your life and the world around you. Also if we pay attention to the lessons of life, we will also learn more about ourselves.

    We can achieve and be what we truly want to be. It takes courage, determination and effort. But in the end, it is worth it because the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to know and discover our true selves.

    Thank you for sharing this thought provoking article! :)

    Irving the Vizier

    • Farnoosh

      Irving the Vizier, I remember you telling me bits and pieces of this awakening in the past. And boy, am I glad that this happened to you. Be different as you can be, who cares. It is you – and you have done so much self-discovery. I am envious that you make time to read so much. I have consciously stopped my reading for just a few months to get my product done and to make some life transitions – which shall remain unmentioned as of now – and I love reading too much. I have no control. I would be reading all day if I read more of what I love but I digress. To get to know yourself is the most courageous path because it is a road traveled alone and only understood by one person, you. I am thrilled to hear you have traveled it and glad to know the person you are, Irving. Thank you for this wonderful comment. I bet you could turn it into a very personal post on your own blog too.

  • Jaky Astik

    I really believe that 6 or 7 month earlier, I made a discovery. I discovered (and rediscovered) a way to discover my self. I got to know who I really am. That was woah, the happiest moment of my life. And all I did was? meditated, worked on law of attraction, re-approved my relationships and listed down things I wanted in life.

    • nazimwarriach

      Farnoosh, we should discover ourselves and continually adopt our habit of discovering ourselves, like Jaky did.

      • Farnoosh

        Jaky, great discovery and now you just have to stick with it. I am not so big on the law of attraction – I just haven’t really delved into it but I am all about meditation, positivity and as you know, getting to know yourself.

      • Farnoosh

        Nazim, nice to see you here again. Naturally, I agree fully.

  • Peter G. James Sinclair

    Great post Farnoosh….love your insight.

    It was actually as I was reigniting a dream that I had buried for thirteen years that I once and for all decided that for the rest of my days I would be known as Peter G. James Sinclair. There are millions of Peter Sinclairs throughout the world, but there is only one Peter G. James Sinclair. And the more I began to unwrap my uniqueness, the more excited I have become about my future and the impact that I can have on millions of people around the globe.

    My mission is to help others to discover their personal uniqueness and to equip them to bring their unique flavor to the world for the benefit of all mankind.

    I will have to be honest with you – after I sold off the last vestige of my old person (my entire list of web design clients from a business that I had owned and operated for 7 years) and began to redefine my personal brand on the Internet, I opened up a whole new world of opportunity to live out my uniqueness.

    I have finally found me, and can now, without confusion and complete clarity, begin to build a whole new story – built on the foundations of the lost years. This will carry me on and into the next five decades of my life helping others to become all that they have been created to become.

    I’m starting to really get to know me – at last!

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Peter, it’s wonderful – just wonderful – to hear and learn about your journey. I so enjoyed our conversation and see that if I had interviewed you instead, the energy and stories would have been just as uplifting. My favorite line: “I have finally found me, and can now, without confusion and complete clarity, begin to build a whole new story – built on the foundations of the lost years. ” <=That’s the spirit with which I intend to continue getting to know myself and continue advocating it to others too. A million thanks for sharing these thoughts.

  • Rashmie @ Gorgeous Karma

    Dear Farnoosh,
    A very thought provoking article, indeed. I so agree with you – often people go on living a life without knowing what they want, where lies their happiness, what they are meant to do. They just go on in a mechanical way, accepting the moods as they come; accepting the likes and dislikes as they come. If there’s not much loss in this living; there isn’t much gain either. A lifetime may pass without knowing what were they meant to do; what dreams would they have liked to fulfill…
    I am glad I have figured out my peace, my happiness, my dreams, my likes and dislikes. But, then again, Farnoosh, this is such an evolving process that I can never claim to know myself 100%. Not that I change everyday, but priorities change; perspectives change and I discover a brand new side of me that I never seemed to know. This soul, mind and heart is a mystery. Ever evolving – more than even a civilization! I keep excavating my self all the time.

    And then, we all are made of our own unique dough. Some are the very analyzing type of personalities. They analyze themselves, relationships, people’s natures, words, conversations. Others just are happy-go-lucky. I have seen that that they remain happy in their less analyzing ways.

    There’s a third category of people who think so much of what THEY think; how THEY think the world should be or should not be that they cease to think about others or care for others’ opinions.

    I do think – as you so rightly said – knowing oneself for one’s own peace and progress and then turning outward to make the world a better place – in whatever little way possible, should be at the core of knowing oneself. Without a purpose and concrete action, over analysis may just turn one opinionated, selfless and self-centric. A mere thinker rather than a doer… :))
    This world needs more people like you. People, who are not just thinkers but who have the conviction to turn thoughts into action.

    • Farnoosh

      Oh Rashmie, you challenge me so much. And I am speechless when I read your comments, which could be found in the best books of poetry. So incredible is your writing. So let me address the last thing first: In that, yes, knowing ourselves for the sake of just knowing ourselves is rather empty and frankly doesn’t motivate me much. There has to be a higher purpose and I think this is exactly what people are looking for and in almost all of those higher means of doing and achieving, it involves the rest of the world, it involves engaging, interacting and communicating with others, building a community, and sharing our own motivation and inspiration with others. It means all of that but only when we first get to know who we are so we stay true to that person because that person can give the most to the world around him/her. I love your words here on this comment. And you know, I am just thrilled to know you and learn this from you, Rashmie.

  • Anne Sales | Coupon Codes

    Hi Farnoosh, you have written another nice article. I don’t know how much I know myself. Maybe I know fairly well. I think my experiences in life define how my personality is developed. So I can only tell as far as I have experienced. Otherwise I still don’t know, to be honest.

    • Farnoosh

      Anne, my dear, you are back – and if it takes me 8 hours to write and format and get a blog post ready, I will do it because I know readers like you hold me to the quality. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. So how do you answer to the sections up there, getting to know your moods, your body, your personality….would you be able to answer those rather accurately and in detail? I have found those to be useful – and they are not the entire spectrum of us but they are some major components, methinks!

      • Anne Sales | Coupon Codes

        Okay, let me try my utmost best to answer some of them.
        I know my personality. I’ve taken the test several times on different occasions like work and study. I’m a melancholic person. I love to be by myself most of the time and I only have very few close friends. But as I mature I’m getting a bit more friendly.

        My values — I highly regard honesty and credibility. When I am given a task I give my whole heart to it and in a team I am very loyal and cooperative. I am a very good follower but I can’t be a leader.

        My moods — I have a constant battle with my mood swing. I am very good starter. I have a lot of projects that I have started but I find it hard to finish them. My interest wanes after a while especially if I don’t get cooperation or at least a moral boost.

        My body — I can’t ride a bike and I can’t swim. I’ve tried to learn them several times already. I would consider them my greatest achievements and biggest success but alas I just can’t learn them.

        My likes and dislikes — I like engaging activities like blogging, playing piano, reading, baking and cooking. I hate watching tvs. For me they’re a complete waste of time. I only watch news and documentary movies. Nothing else.

        Wow, that was quite a revelation. I don’t normally do this but for you I don’t mind. 😀

        • Ugo

          Hi Anne Sales,
          We have a bit in common . Your summary of personality, value, moods resonates with me.
          Farnoosh, you did not yet respond to Anne’s post. It would be interesting to have your comments.


          • Farnoosh

            Hi Ugo and Anne, the thing about mood swings is that they happen because we forget why we do what we are doing. If you remind yourself the TRUE real reason why you are doing something, and if that is aligned to your core values, then you will have less mood swings. Just ask yourself: Why am I doing this? The answer will give you more passion and renew your enthusiasm.

  • Galen Pearl

    I have been thinking about that Anais Nin quote the last several months. It is very meaningful to me because I can distinctly remember the point at which the pain/fear balance tipped in favor of taking the risk to blossom instead of staying as I was.

    Looking at life now from the other side of having made that transformation, I can’t imagine living in the “bud” stage as I did for so long. It must be what a butterfly feels like after working its way out of the cocoon.

    I am watching my daughters now coming into adulthood and facing the challenges of figuring out who they are. I pray for them that they will take the risk to bloom.

    Thank you for another beautiful and inspiring post.

    • Farnoosh

      Galen, kindred spirits! We love the same quote and it speaks to both of us. heard it first time a long time ago and I had to find it yesterday. I am so glad I did. I love that you have already been the bud which blossomed / is still blossoming into the rose! Now that you are the rose, you can guide your daughter too – you don’t have to do the blossoming for her but it’s so wonderful to have a person who can reaffirm those things in life for us. Oh lucky lucky girl she is for having you as a mom! Thanks for sharing your lovely thoughts, Galen.

  • Karl Staib – Work Happy Now

    I have also let fear dictate too many of my choices. Fear is such a powerful emotion we tend to give in instead of learning to enjoy it. When I started learning to lean in to my fear I started doing stuff to grow my happiness and success.

    Public speaking was a huge fear for me. I knew that I needed this skill to be happy, so I dove in and practiced and practiced until it has become enjoyable.

    We have to believe that we are getting stronger and smarter otherwise we aren’t progressing. Learning how to extract more joy out of life is one of the more important human traits anyone can possess.

    • Farnoosh

      Hi Karl, thanks for stopping by – esp. after our Twitter chat. Public speaking is a *huge* fear. You most likely have heard that people would rather face death than a stage of audience waiting for them to speak. It’s the strangest statistic, I must say. But alas, public speaking is frightening and if you have overcome that fear, you have a serious advantage and I am very happy for you. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts here and welcome to prolific living space.

  • Sandra / Always Well Within

    I appreciate the passion and insight you pour into every post. As I read this, I wondered, “How could the language be even more beautiful than the gorgeous language of all her previous posts?”

    This resonated for me in particular, “Knowing yourself well – I mean really well – is a deeper, harder and slower process.”

    In terms of knowing oneself, I find the middle way is the best way, and that one’s motivation is of utmost importance. I tend to agree with Alison that we are overly self-focused and self-centered as a culture. At the same time, I also agree with you that personal and spiritual evolution can only truly occur when we look within, understand ourselves fully, develop our positive qualities, and diminish – though perhaps gradually, the negative ones. I find so much depends on motivation, whether our intention is to look within to become a kinder, more compassion, and caring person or whether we only have our own self-interests at heart.

    I don’t especially like the word “selfish”, which connotes to me the latter being primarily concerned with one’s own self interest. But I tend to think you are really promoting self awareness for one’s own benefit and the benefit of others.

    A very beautiful article. Thank you.

    • Farnoosh

      Sandra, it’s sweet that you see the passion that goes into each post. I am exhausted by the time I press publish but rejuvenated at the moment that the comments pour in. As for the word “selfish”, I can totally understand that it is a turn-off because the poor thing has been beaten around so much and gotten such a bad rap that it’s natural to dislike it altogether so it comes to how we define it. Your assessment of how I define it is almost there. To me, actually, nearly everyone IS selfish. Even Mother Teresa was selfish when she helped a thousand others because that deed and that deed alone brought her the greatest joy. That was her thing. If she was made to serve as another role, that would have been a diversion from what she wanted to do so she would have had to give up her own self’s desires. So we can do the most incredible and profound things in this world by following our own heart’s desires and being true to who we are. Selfish means knowing what those desires are. Selfish does not bring harm to others. It offers the best of who we are to others in the capacity that we wish to offer and in the particular niche and area that we feel we can offer our best…..Selfless is when people do what they don’t want to do or what they are made to do. There was no “self” involved in that decision. Someone else made that decision for them. what the decision was is inconsequential; it could be helping poor people or building a fortune 500 company. If they don’t want to do it, then they are being selfless and to me, there is no honor and no good that comes out of giving up our own identity. We cannot possibly serve others well when we haven’t served ourselves first. Those are no doubt more than you wanted to know but I feel very strong about this and about the misconception around selfishness.
      Your kind words about my writing keep me going so YOU, my dear Sandra, are one of my wells of motivation. I hope I can be your motivation when you need that boost. Big hug to you.

  • GinaMarie / My Fingers Arent Broken

    I love this article because for the past month or so I have learn so much about who I am especially in pursuing new goals in my life. Through a lot of meditation and personal coaching I have learn about so many limiting beliefs I still held as well what I enjoy and my own personality traits.

    I realize that I am NOT a “grind it out, hustle 24/7” type of person. I was so caught up with what everyone else was doing to be successful I tried to do that as well but it’s just not me. I need time to relax. Even if I don’t get as much done as the next person, it’s enough for me.

    I also realize that I like to have fun and if something isn’t pleasurable I won’t do it period! LOL

    Getting to know yourself is really fun. 😉 I can start to fill a sigh of relief knowing I can based my life around how I am and not force myself to be something I’m not.

    • Farnoosh

      Dear lovely GinaMarie, hi and welcome back. Oh how I love your wonderful discoveries and at such a young age for you too. I know from your previous comments that you have been really enjoying the process and that it wasn’t an easy road because naturally, not everyone will approve of us going off the beaten path. The challenge I think is to stick to your values, to your like and dislikes and be true to yourself over time when the pressure to conform increases. I am delighted to know more about your journey. Thank you for sharing.

  • James M

    I have been doing a lot of self-reflection on who I am and where I am heading lately going through some of the areas you have highlighted. I was feeling pretty good about my body until the holidays came up and the weather turned cooler, but I started to kick myself back into gear at the beginning of January to get me heading down the right path again. Career wise, I believe I am heading down the right path again after spending a lot of time thinking about my values in work, who I am, etc.

    I wish I had known all of this when I was 20 years old. Then again, why would I want to have all the answers at the beginning when I can spend a lifetime exploring the questions, too?

    • Farnoosh

      James, hi! Welcome back. Oh winter gets the best of us. I really do have a hard time generally too but other than giving in here and there, I think if a routine still stays alive through winter (a workout , eating well, being good to the body and mind routine), then you are fine and stronger than most of the population!
      Self-reflection is so rewarding. Oh the 20s were way over-rated. Let them go. We can start now and build it and enjoy it for the rest of our days. Thank you for sharing all of this and I hope you continue to stay super motivated in every area. If not, come back and I’ll get you back into gear :)!

  • Vic Hubbard

    Two things stood to me in this post. Selfishness. Most people view this in the wrong way. I, too, believe we do ourselves a disservice whenever we stray from true selfishness. I’ve met many who do many things “for others” and are miserable. If service to others does not fill your soul, don’t do it. There are many other examples, but you get the point. The other thing was that we don’t know ourselves as children. I quite disagree on that point. I believe we are born pure and closer to our soul’s intent than we ever manage to reach again in life. The journey of self discovery is simply the journey back to that knowledge that we left one choice and errant lesson at a time. Even the children you mentioned that are noisy have learned that behavior from their parents who are even further removed from their own inherent knowledge. Society and our parents guide us and many time guide us away from the pure soul that entered this world.

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Vic, hi! You can read my entire lecture on selfishness in my reply to dear Sandra up there. I think you also see it in similar ways as I do. I know many who have sacrificed for others as well despite their better judgment and they too are miserable.
      Oh I must say I do love what you say about knowing ourselves as children. I have a new angle with which to look at this now. “The journey back to that knowledge..” – yes the noisy children naturally copy, very sad.
      Oh so beautiful is your final analysis, albeit a bit sad. Maybe it’s all about finding again that pure soul and giving it life and encouragement. And hoping that it will come back and serve us well again in this stage of life.
      A million thanks to you for the incredible thoughts here, Vic.

      • Wayne John @ Southern California

        I’ve always found truth in the saying “If you’re not happy, how can you make others happy?”.

        To me, selfishness is a path to helping others.


        • Farnoosh

          Dear Wayne, I love seeing you here. And another vote for *selfishness* – the way we define it anyway. :)

  • Wayne John @ Southern California

    You and I are not so different it seems. Granted, I just started reading your writing, but some of your…oh what would you call them? Virtues? Ideals?

    These struck a chord with me:

    … I can tolerate extreme physical pain for long periods but I cannot tolerate loud and obnoxious children even for five minutes.
    … friends come and go no matter how much I invest in the friendships.
    … I have let fear stop me in the past from far too many opportunities.
    … I value being true to myself above everything else.
    … what I believed at 16 still holds true: selfishness is a virtue and the root of all my happiness and path to my true compassion for others.

    I don’t particularly enjoy children. Never want to have them, and hopefully never will. I’m aware of how selfish I am as a person, and it’s that selfishness that drives me to do what I do, and try to do it better than before. I enjoy the chase, be it work or women. Often times I’ve found that after the chase is done, the fun has left! So I keep chasing. (No, I’ve settled down now for 12 years with a wonderful woman…but that doesn’t mean I can’t read the menu or chat with the waitress about the menu 😉 My girl agrees…)

    I’m an honest person, and I’m brutally honest with people I communicate with…sometimes to my own detriment. I’ve come to realize that dishonesty is only the fear of owning up to your own actions, or fearing repercussions from being honest. Neither are worth the trouble imo.

    I’m still learning who I am though, as a person. As a human. As another sentient being on a spinning, blue marble. I also recently decided that I had to tear down some walls that I felt were holding me back, or keeping me up at night. I’ve realized that I need to change and be more true to myself.

    I’m more a fan today than I was yesterday Farnoosh. Keep up the great topics and thought-provoking material. I love it!!!

    • Farnoosh

      You know, it’s funny – after a while, after I express my thoughts and people get to know me, somehow it is different from what they expected. Not sure what my original personae portrays but it’s not quite what the real me is…I have to work on merging the two. Anyway, it is so wonderful to hear that you took so much out of this post, Wayne. As far as children go, I said all I had to say – umm, and so did 130+ other readers, The Path to fulfillment: To have or not to have children.
      Tear down the walls, slowly, carefully but do it and find a way to sleep peacefully at night and to love your days. I am working toward the *same* challenge, believe me, and I am not giving up – and not allowing you to give up either. :)
      So happy this resonated with you. Now I have to keep up this top-notch quality on every post because at least one person is watching, right? Thank you dear Wayne.

  • Ajen

    “The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

    This concept behind this statement is so true. We humans are here to live and love in the world; we do this by learning… by growing… by blossoming. The ironic thing about the process of learning and growing is the “perception of pain”. At times we have this false perception that an action (whatever form of physical, mental or spiritual exercise it could be) is the hardest thing that we can ever do; and yet we are faced with the painful consequences if we decide not to do this action. As I say this, I am thinking of a dead rose bud that never had the chance to fill the world with its fragrance. How sad!

    For me, I believe that we should continuously practice the art of self-discovery as well as the practice of letting go so that we can blossom and share our beauty and fragrance with others.

    • Farnoosh

      Ajen, I wish I could get credit for that amazing quote. It’s one of the very best. And welcome to prolific living.
      Oh your image of the dead rose bud is painful because I see it so much in people too and I absolutely refuse to be that rose bud and I am sure you will too. You and others mentioned this too and yes, getting to know ourselves is not finished in one day or one week or one decade. It never changes. We evolve, we grow, we continue to blossom. Thank you for sharing your fragrant thoughts with us here, Ajen.

  • Viviana Vargas

    Hi Farnoosh, and have a great Saturday!!

    This post is very rewarding to me. I’ve learned to know to myself through my weaknesses and strengths, and the most valuable thing was when I found my purpose in life. To get there, taught me to believe in myself, as a human being, a woman, a professional, a daughter, a sister, a good friend and beyond.
    The meaning of life is not a meaningless walk, unlike, means to find a purpose through a journey that will lead us, to know ourselves. That happened to me, when I found my purpose, I knew myself. :)

    Thank you for the opportunity.



    • Farnoosh

      Viviana, great Sunday to you. I didn’t get to these yesterday.
      It’s so nice to see your lovely face here and to hear your thoughts. And your last sentence is very powerful, your purpose equaled knowing yourself. Thank you so much for sharing. I think I am still defining my purpose but I have a much better idea than a few years ago. Thank you, dear Viviana.

  • Jon

    Identifying and developing my likes and dislikes has been the theme for my late 20’s. It’s been refreshing to finally cast off whom I thought I had to be in my peer group and embrace new friends sharing my true interests. It’s been more fulfilling and allowed me to express myself deeply.

    It saddens me that you’ve had friends that have taken your kindness and good deeds for granted. You aren’t alone but I trust you still continue to nourish the friendships that do reward you.

    Thank you!


    • Farnoosh

      Hi Jon, late 20s is where it all happens it seems for a lot of us. I am glad you took steps to find those real friends and cast off – albeit very casually and kindly – those who do not serve you well. Yes, my friendships have come and gone and I have always invested way too much. I have learned a lot and it’s good to know I am not the only one experiencing it. Thank you for stopping by and welcome to prolific living and come back anytime.

  • Rand


    “It can scarcely be denied that the supreme goal of all theory is to make the irreducible basic elements as simple and few as possible without having to surrender the adequate representation of a single datum of experience.”

    …or___”Make things as simple as possible, but not simplier.”

    Hi Farnoosh,

    I find myself asking how would Einstein or Freud and other great minds respond to your post?

    How would they perceive themselves and project themselves to the 25 million blogging through cyber space?

    We all come from different moments in time and our “experiences” are personally unique.

    I can say that back in the 1970’s I spent hours of many days talking with an elderly lady in her 90’s… inside the old Victorian house that she was actually born in! This house still had all the original furnishings and paintings on the walls that her parents bought back in the 1880’s. I can remember the worn out Beluchi and Hamadan rugs.

    How many “Life Coaches” do you suppose were around back then?

    Just where are we going with all this “self” analizing?

    What is it’s “future”?

    It seems like it is becoming a sub-culture of a sort. I can already see a topic cycle and a great deal of competition.

    The image of “Roy” in the movie ‘Blade Runner” comes to mind…meeting his creater…his father…wanting more life…knowing that he is more than “just physical”…that he has “human” emotions…and… “If you could see what I have seen with your eyes”.

    How I “see” you Farnoosh can be found at Dandy’s site in her “How to express yourself to others” post.

    I like the photo you have here at the top…kind of shows a ‘patina’
    from “experiences”.

    Thank you for this…

    • Farnoosh

      Hi Rand, thank you for the thoughts – random as they may be, I think I follow a pattern in what you are trying to convey. I think the better question to ask is what happens if we never look inward, we never “self-analyze” as you say but that’s not my favorite word for it, then what? Well, I think it is the root of many unhappy and depressing lives. When you know yourself, you can create your own happiness and not the vision of others’ happiness imposed on you. It’s really quite simple. It’s all in the pursuit of happiness.
      Thank you for your comment.

      • Rand

        “It’s really quite “simple”.

        Thanks for keeping within the Einstein equation Farnoosh.

        I totally appreciate and value knowing ‘myself’ regards to serving ‘myself’ and ‘others’.

        The fact of so much of my life has involved Art, History, and personal interaction with experienced people much older than me, coupled with the fact that now my work finds me out in mainstream society working with technical equipment, plus my natural wonder of what the future holds, puts me in a position of Past-Present-Future…not a “simple” statement.

        My comment really is more directed at the “future”.

        You keep yourself in very good health…god willing how do you see the ‘self help’ platform we have here evolving the next 50 years?

        …yes a bit of a Darwian question.

        Thanks for your previous reply.

        • Farnoosh

          Hi Rand, I have never given “self-help” platform much thought. I take care of myself, do what I want, and refine my process based on results. It works for me. It works for many others too. I really don’t want to entertain an off-topic debate here but I do appreciate your enthusiasm with the questions.

  • Adrienne

    Another brilliant discussion, Farnoosh!

    I am completely in sync with you on this one! I’ve been on an incredible journey of self-discovery over the past few years, and agree it’s one anyone would benefit greatly from making. It’s so interesting to see the various responses you have received. I would have never considered self-discovery to be selfish, but I can see how others might.

    The thing is, self-discovery is also the key to self-mastery. The better we know ourselves, the better we are able to choose our actions, rather than becoming a slave to reaction. Moreover, I think knowing ourselves actually helps us to better connect with and serve others. How can I fully open up and give myself to someone else if I’m not even clear about my own values and passions?

    Finally, I believe life is all about growing. Knowing and understanding who I am during each step of the journey allows me to be continuously grow into the me I want to become.

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Adrienne, brilliant as yourself. Thank you for the kind words.
      Oh and it’s very satisfying to hear that you agree and feel in sync. Oh I think far too many things are considered negatively selfish too but it’s best to do what feels right for ourselves in the end. And I love the words “self-mastery”!
      And you hit on the best part of all this: Knowing ourselves helps us better connect and serve others. Period. That’s what it’s all about. How can we give if we do not even know ourselves? How can we be a life coach to others if our own life is not quite in order? Great to know I have a partner in crime in all of this. :) A million thanks for stopping by here.

  • Mark Ivar Myhre

    Hi Farnoosh,

    I just found your blog the other day, and I’m glad I did. By the way, I ordered the ’31 Days to Build a Better Blog’ so you’ll be hearing from me soon!

    Getting to know myself is my number one passion, so I couldn’t imagine someone else not being interested in getting to know themselves better as well.

    Why are you alive, if not to know yourself better?


    The criticism of introspection probably comes from not seeing its true value and not having effective tools and techniques that actually produce results. Plus, we’ve been so conditioned by society to NOT look inward. This conditioning is so pervasive we usually don’t even see it; like the fish doesn’t see the water.

    Here’s two examples:

    1. We are told to love other people, but not ourselves.

    2. We are told to trust ourselves (sometimes!) but we’re never taught HOW. Mostly we’re taught to trust ‘the system’ in its many different forms such as school, government, religion, etc.

    As for Alison’s post, being hyper-self-focused isn’t necessarily getting to know yourself. She may be referring to the fluff, and not the substance, of self-knowing. She may be thinking of narcissism and not self-love. It’s not about analyzing as much as it is exploring and discovering and opening your heart.

    When you analyze, it’s easy to get stuck in the persona. (The fluff.)

    There’s a constant unfolding going on inside each one of us. It’s not static. If it seems static, then you can be sure that’s a warning sign to REALLY spend the time to get to know yourself better. Cause you’re stuck! And stagnation will lead to pain.

    I’ve found it will take WAY more than one lifetime to get to know myself. That’s not even including my exploration of the subconscious, the shadow self, and getting to know the ‘higher’ parts of me such as my higher self, my future self, my soul and my spirit.

    And as for being selfish, well, it depends on how you define the word, doesn’t it? If loving yourself is selfish, then I’m all for it! Because exploring yourself is an act of love in my book.

    So why would knowing yourself be valuable? Here’s just a few reasons:

    1. You’re better able to interact with the world because you’ll know your strengths and weaknesses.

    2. You’re more likely to achieve success in life because you’ll be able to use your talents more effectively.

    3. You’ll be able to interact with other people better, because as you learn about yourself you also learn about human nature.

    4. You’ll feel safer and more secure.

    5. You’ll be happier because you’ll be better equipped to meet your needs.

    6. You’ll be less likely to sabotage yourself.

    7. You’re better able to reconnect with your Creator because that connection we all long for is inside, not out in the world somewhere.

    And why in the world are you even alive, if not to know yourself better so you can reconnect with a Higher Power?

    Also, you’ll have less pain in your life, because pain comes from a longing for – and a separation from – some thing. In this case, the pain would come from being separated from yourself.

    Plus, with self-exploration you can strengthen your imagination and creativity. You’ll be able to think more clearly and feel more fully. You can strengthen your muscle of expectation. Which means you’ll be much more likely to live the life you want to live.

    From my experience, there’s a world of illusion ‘out here’, but there’s a universe of reality inside me. I’d rather focus on reality as much as possible. I’d rather try to use the reality to manifest a better illusion.

    One more point: the more you know yourself, the less of a victim you’ll be.

    And I just have to mention what a wonderful feeling it is to touch and be touched by your soul. And to talk to your higher self, and feel their love for you. And to talk to your future self, to hear what they have to say. All this is only possible by going inside yourself.

    Of course, you’re going to have to jump into the deep end of the pool.

    And as for the tools and techniques to help with introspection, you’ll never find them if you don’t first feel the need for them. It will be like they don’t even exist.

    Sorry for the long-winded post, but this topic really pushes my buttons…

    • Farnoosh

      Hi Mark and I certainly look forward to our session for 31DBBB. I am glad you came back for it. Thank you.
      As for this very nice yet long-winded post, (which by the way could make a very nice standalone post, if you ever wanted to use it), I am so happy to come across others who are passionate about getting to know themselves and the true wonderful meaning of being selfish. Selfish – a word that has gotten such a bad rap is really a great friend, just like money and just like ambition. All of that can be honed to our needs in such a way that can serve US and OTHERS so well and yet, they are misused and abused and put completely out of context. There’s no way I can match what you have shared here so I will let it speak for itself. Suffice it to say I am grateful you took the time to share it. Thank you and welcome to prolific living.

  • John Sherry

    Farnoosh I love you! This post is what my life mission has become – to encourage, inspire, and help people be happy through accepting and loving themselves. Self-enquiry can begin a process of discovering your own uniqueness and how that needs no celebrity or status merely living through who you are. Everyone, but everyone, matters without exception, meaning every single soul is exceptional, which is what this post most certainly also is!!

    • Farnoosh

      John, that good ha? I am so so happy to hear you have the same thoughts and with such a passion. “Living through who you are.”….beautiful.
      Thank you for making my day with these brilliant thoughts and showing that you have tapped into the center of what’s valuable and significant – what really matters in the end – in your life. I am so happy for you, John, and happier still for everyone who crosses your path.

  • Bernardo

    Hi Farnoosh,

    I am new to your blog and really like what I have seen so far. I also recently started following you on twitter. I like this article for two reasons:

    1) It talks about values, something that a lot of people completely disregard when trying to understand why they are the way they are or why they may or may not appreciate certain things in life.

    2) You are honest & brave and share about yourself and in doing so provide so much more depth to your message. I especially appreciated the list of “knowings” about yourself that you generously shared with us. It takes true power to share the great and the not so great about yourself. I read a lot of blogs and so many are filled with ideas about “why I am great and you are not”, so this is refreshing to read.

    I wish you much luck in your upcoming video posts, look forward to reading more of your tweets and posts here and hopefully crossing paths with you someday.

    Un Abrazo,

    twitter: @yourgreatlifetv

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Bernardo, welcome to prolific living!! Thank you for such a well-outlined comment.
      Yes, values are extremely important and sometimes, they surprise us. I remember a test where my mentor was trying to get to the root of my values and I was shocked to find out that something didn’t rank at the very top…
      Honest yes, brave, perhaps. I am definitely fearless though :)! And I am thrilled that some of it has proven so valuable to you.
      Oh thank you so much for wishing me the luck. If you have ideas about the video posts, do share them if you haven’t already. Thanks Bernardo!

  • Riley Harrison

    Hello Farnoosh,
    A pleasure to meet a fellow traveler. I teach, write (3 books) and mentor. My “truth” if you will that I preach, chant, cajole and write about is that we all have a vast supply of unrealized potential and if there is a life purpose it is to realize that potential and not be deterred by the many obstacles (fear, lack of awareness, low self esteem etc.) that are strewn before us on our quest for a better life. Love your blog and wish you the best.

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Riley, welcome to prolific living. It’s nice to know more about you. I love that you started your comment with a bit of self-introduction! Thank you for the words and thoughts, all of which resonate with me and please come back anytime.

  • J.D. Meier

    > I can tolerate extreme physical pain for long periods
    That sounds like a warrior mind and a key skill.

    I bet you learned to push past your limits by putting high value on the discipline of working out and shaping your body, which in turn can shape your mind … like a powerful cycle.

    • Farnoosh

      J.D., that probably has helped. The other motivation has come from making poor choices and learning the hard way just how much time and effort was lost. It gives me a sense of urgency to grab onto life pretty tightly. Thanks for your great observations as always.

  • Tom Sorhannus

    Hi Farnoosh, the quote you use in the beginning get me to think about a video I saw yesterday. It was about conductors as leaders. One of them was the famous Herbert von Karajan. He was obviously not very clear in his conducting, so he once got the question from a musician how he would now when to begin. “When you no longer can stand it”, was the answer from von Karajan. I think the message here is about the same as Anais Nin´s.

    When we get to know ourselves better we get more aware of this which is inside of us and the more attention we give it the more it grows, until one day – when it breaks free.

    • Farnoosh

      Hi Tom, great story – I love it when people feel compelled to tell a whole story here on the blog….thank you for sharing, Tom. And thank you for sharing that you too are on that path and it is as beautiful as Anais anticipates it to be for the rose in the bud. Lovely to see you here as always, dear friend.

  • Andrew Hill

    Hi Farnoosh,

    Your post has prompted me to think again about the nature and spirit of self.

    I think that when we know and value ourselves, we are also empowered to know and value others. In understanding what it is that brings us joy or sorrow, relaxation or tension, fascination or boredom, we become equipped to understand similar experiences and emotions in others. This kind of understanding is exhibited as empathy, through which we feel the suffering of others and make it our own. It is then that we may find ourselves foregoing something we never imagined we could do without, simply because we want to rid them and ourselves of that suffering. So, paradoxically, when we meet the needs of others we may find that have also enriched our understanding of ourselves.

    Thank you, Farnoosh, for your insights in this post.

    • Farnoosh

      H Andrew, I read this several times and I think I understand what you mean although it is hard for me to relate to it by thinking of an example. It is very rewarding to take the understanding of our own self further by applying it to others and making sure that we understand their situation and their suffering too. In the end, so long as the experience renders the understanding of ourselves richer, we have achieved the goals that I speak about in this post. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Andrew.

  • Aileen

    Brilliant, “Knowing yourself is a conscious effort; you do it with intention and purpose.”
    This post is perfect timing with the release of your beautiful Life Lessons E-book.

    You offer such great tips for getting to know oneself. There are so many incredible benefits to really knowing oneself – it’s so worth the journey!

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Aileen, I didn’t even see it that way but you are right. If I did more editorial calender planning type stuff, then I’d see this relationship more clearly :)! Thank you for being part of this ebook and thank you for that invaluable friendship you have given me. I am ever so lucky!

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  • GutsyWriter

    One great thing in life is that your self-confidence grows with age, and my dad who is 85, knows himself, but would never think of asking this question.
    I think those of us who enjoy life, follow a path that with time, shows us who we are. We don’t necessarily need to question who we are as long as we’re growing and love learning. New opportunities open up and we can follow them if we want to. I think life happens and we know who we are through our decisions. Now the question is, “Do others feel envious if we know what we want and make things happen through our own hard work or do they simply say we’re lucky?”

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  • Nova

    Hi Farnoosh,
    I have read this post last January but look for it again today! I know it’s a wonderful thing to know myself but I wonder if it’s okay to accept that I love to be alone most of the time…
    Recently, I meet new friends and we went lunch together last Sunday but I haven’t enjoyed. I’m happier when I have a friend for lunch but I can’t seem to adjust if there is 2 or more. Should I accept this fact or try to change myself?
    Thank you so much for this post! You helped me….

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Nova,
      Welcome to prolific living – thank you for sharing your story. There is nothing wrong with being alone; I LOVE my alone time and I have plenty and plenty of it and still love it – and I am considered one of the most social people I know 😉 – And social get together with more than one friend stops being intimate, I think, no matter how close you are to each of them. I never realized it but you are right; for example, I love one on one time with most of my friends but I am careful how I meet several friends; the dynamics and the chemistry has to be just right. If you are among friends, and they – your friends – are really close to each other, it’s easy to feel left out…. But this is not anything that is a major part of your personality … it is just a preference and of course you should accept it and be proud of it.
      You are very welcome. Be happy and be yourself.

      • Nova

        Thanks! I think I need to clear it’s a different post of you I read last January and all your post are consistent to be helpful. I like the way you construct them, especially the photos… Honestly, I’m not really into reading so before I take time into a post I look for the picture first…

        • Farnoosh

          Nova, hi!
          Oh good, now that makes more sense, the January bit did confuse me ;).
          I am so so happy that you find these posts useful and helpful. It makes me very happy. And to hear that you are selective and that the photos make or break it for you, oh this is the biggest compliment. Thank you and I shall dedicate the next post photo to you…..

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  • Lorena

    I just recently discovered your blog and let me tell you, each post is like a breath of fresh air. Whenever I’m feeling a bit unmotivated, I read blogs and I happened to stumble across a link to yours. I’m adding it to my rss feed reader :)
    Thank you for writing such inspirational things. You’re my inspiration for today :)

    • Farnoosh

      Hi dear Lorena, welcome and I am happy to have motivated and inspired you just a little bit. Although, I think we motivate ourselves so perhaps the inspiration helped with that :)! You are very, very welcome.

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  • Chris Harris

    Hi Farnoosh,

    This is a very insightful article. I love the points you listed about yourself in your self-discovery. Your point about tolerating pain but not being able to handle obnoxious kids- classic and totally me as well. I have yet to figure out how the parents of these undisciplined-loud-crazy-out-of-control kids keep their sanity with such poor parenting.

    Your article resonates with me on another level. It is only in the last few years that I have given serious thought to knowing thyself. I read this article lamenting how “youth is wasted on the young”… another article in the wings.

    When I started my blog, I tackled this subject from a different perspective. I wrote about the need to shatter the illusion we hold of ourselves. If we don’t know ourselves, then it is likely we hold a self image that does not match reality. Cognitive dissonance at work.

    I continue to be enthralled with your writing. Keep up the good work.


    • Farnoosh

      One happy, thrilled reader such as you, Chris, and I shall never stop writing. As you write more, you will realize – at least I am guessing this will be true in your case too – that even if you hear it dozens upon dozens of times, each time you hear a comment like yours about your writing, it is refreshing, rejuvenating, and makes your whole day! Thank you for connecting with me on this level here and I am so glad you are focusing more on that inner journey and getting to know yourself. Blogging is the PERFECT fit for you! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!! And I will surely check out that post!

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  • Zameer

    Just wanted to tell you that I really like your blog. Oddly enough, I found it on google at an…interesting time in my life :) I think you ‘hit the spot’ Thanks for being you and inflicting yourself upon the world.


    • Farnoosh

      Zameer, thank you – welcome here. It’s not odd to be found on Google 😉 but I am so glad that it hit the spot for you. Sign up for the newsletter and come back often.

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  • Ugo

    Quite insightful is this blog. I started the search for a deeper understanding of self whilst in college, and 15 years later am still not in tune with self! I have a melancholic personality, with the curse of perfectionism constantly second guessing myself. No plan seems good enough to follow and then i get depressed and then end up with self sabotage. Right now, am so dissatisfied with my career and lack of pasionate goals, which i 100% believe is right for me to strive for . So i guess i do not have an option but to restart my journey into self discovery, only i will need all the help i can get. Am sorry for sounding a black note in this otherwise upbeat forum, but alas this is me…

    • Farnoosh

      Thanks Ugo for sharing. I am sorry you are having a hard time. I think this is really a lot about self-confidence and understanding yourself better. You can sign up for my free 21-Step Confidence Building series, and I assure you that IF you do the work in the series, you will see a difference. Thanks for your comment.

  • Rosalia

    I got realizations upon reading your post… In fact, I share some of it to my students. I got insights in it and i think i need to know more about myself again. I think i can used some of it in youth business coaching.

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Rosalia,
      What do you teach? Thanks so much – I am so glad that you have found this useful. Please feel free to share it, and please use this as the original source. Happy coaching.

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  • Dennis

    Farnoosh, this is a refreshingly honest post, and possibly one of the clearest explanations of knowing one’s self and its relationship to the expression”living authentically”.

    The quote below was an important insight for me:

    “You are not born knowing yourself. You do not get to know yourself simply by growing up and growing old. Knowing yourself is a conscious effort; you do it with intention and purpose.”

    It brought into focus my own journey to know myself, which did not end with me leaving the corporate world — at least not yet. What I discovered about myself, is that I need the sense of purpose and security that a corporate job provides, and I genuinely enjoy what I do, but I am more than my job, much more. I discovered that I could spend hours writing and enjoy it and because I have a technical background, I was able to master self-publishing for myself. Its gratifying that I can take an idea, mold and shape it as I write, turn it into a eBook, and then self publish it on a world wide platform. I feel fortunate that I live in a time when I can do this all.

    The book will talk of how I did my own life review. I distilled a method and came to some of the same conclusions you have. I came to use the expression; Learn more about one of your least understood subjects — your self. This is in part, because many people I talk to say that spending a few hours, reviewing one’s life and in the process learning more about yourself is too much like navel gazing and they feel it is time wasted. As you say, most of us don’t know who we are, but so many of us don’t even want to take the time or make the effort to find out. I sometimes wonder if many of us live in a kind of fear of learning how unauthentic our lives really are.

    Farnoosh, I wish you continued happiness and success and thank you for the insights.


    • Farnoosh

      Dennis, hello,
      What a thoughtful reply! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your articulate writing here in response to this post. And I am so glad you mentioned the corporate job bit. You leaving or staying in your job, to me, has nothing to do with knowing yourself well. And if you do enjoy your job, then why leave? The whole point is to enjoy the work that we do and to do meaningful work. And that work is in different places for each of us.
      Reading your intelligent reply here, I have no doubt you are taking the right steps not just in your work but also in your life. Amen to living in the time that we do. I feel terribly fortunate as well, Dennis.
      Thank you so much for stopping by and come back anytime.

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  • V NEW

    I really enjoyed this article. I have been focusing a lot on self discovery lately, as I realized that I’m not happy with my life right now. I discovered I am very conservative and inflexible and I find myself judging others often (the rest of time judging myself). I’m not able to be myself, because I don’t like who I am. I feel trapped in my own body/mind, sometimes there are parts of me that want to get out but I censor them because I’m afraid of how others would react. Even though I know letting this side of me come out would make me happy, there’s a judgmental part of me that keeps it trapped. All my life decisions have been based on fear and I want to let go of that fear and face myself. I feel I’ve been wasting a lot of time and I want to be myself and stop apologizing to everybody. Thank you for this article, it has been very helpful.

    • Farnoosh

      You are very very welcome. Please know that everything you share here, all of us feel too. If you want resources beyond this, V, check out 21 step confidence building series where I give you homework and lessons to do every time you receive an update and it helps you with everything you addressed. Come back here anytime, of course and thanks for your message.

  • Kristal

    As I scoured the Internet trying to find a self help book to discovering oneself , I stumbled upon this blog. I’m 26. Moved out of my parents house at age 17, bought my first house at 18, spent two years in college, got married and had a baby at age 20 , divorced at 24. Im a hard worker and love and have passion for my job. i pride my self on being confident but have come to recognize my low self esteem and self sabotage is an issue. i had a thought, maybe it’s because I grew up too fast and never really slowed down to understand who I am and what I like, what I don’t… It was only a passing thought that I may not know myself as I started to search for a relative book tonight. It is absolutely terrifying to not be able to answer hardly any of the questions about myself that this blog has presented. I’m just not quite sure where to even start. I feel that I have developed no opinions and no genuine wants or desires that are not work related. I simply want to please others. But how can I expect the favor returned if I can’t even please myself ?

  • Cheré

    I signed up for your 21 step confidence building series. I just received step 1. I am a 33 year old wife and mother to 3 beautiful children; I have a full time job and a part time job. Since the birth of my last child, a little over a year ago, I have lost myself. My confidence has never been very high and I felt jealous of my new daughter. I have spent the last year wallowing in my own self pity while neglecting those that I love. I want to mend my relationships but first I need to mend my relationship with myself. So, I will start my homework… And I will look deep within myself to know myself.
    I look forward to working on step one and the other twenty steps. Thank you.

    • Farnoosh

      Hi dear Chere, thank you for your beautiful honesty and welcome to the first step in getting that confidence back. You know it’s in there already, you just have to tap into it. Right? It sounds like a very busy wonderful life with kids and work …. but self-care is going to do wonders for you. Enjoy the series and watch for more goodies on the email. Welcome again, Chere.

  • Kaye

    Hi…:) I’m Kaye and I’m a blogger :) This is truly an amazing blog :) I’m a promoter of self love and self esteem and I would want to spread your words of wisdom for I know, it will surely help a lot of people. I would like to thank you for being an inspiration. Keep up the good work and continue writing ♥ Hoping to see more.


    • Farnoosh

      Hi dear Kaye, Thank you so much! Welcome here. Come back anytime and be sure to grab your confidence course!

  • Kimberly

    Hello Farnoosh – I stumbled upon your blog and 21-step series after finding your article on 100 positive affirmations. It was a God send, let me tell you. I am 33 years old and so out of love with myself that it isn’t even funny. I am single, haven’t been on a date in YEARS, about 70 lbs overweight and can’t seem to motivate myself to lose it no matter what I do. I feel hopeless because I want to get married (first) and have children one day… but I know my biological clock is ticking and this makes me feel even worse about myself.

    On top of that, I have student loan debt, that I can barely keep up with and other financial burdens from being laid off a few years ago. Even though I am blessed to be working a good job right now, I am not happy because it isn’t my dream job. I want to move and relocate to another city for my dream job but my financial situation and just lack of confidence is keeping me from this. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point, but I really feel like my life and situations will change when I do start loving myself, and the time is now. So I am committing to this 21 step process and will begin be telling myself: I love you, I really love you every day for the next two weeks. I pray that this works, I demand that it works.

    Thank you for putting all of this together, your site, articles and emails/newsletter are amazing, I truly thank God that I have found you!

    Looking forward to falling in love with myself again,

    • Farnoosh

      Kimberly, darling, I am so happy to have you here. You are still a baby (I’m older so I get to call you that ;)) and you are just starting to blossom so embrace it. The hardships will be a test and you are going to pass with flying colors. I know it can be really hard right now but don’t make it harder by mistreating yourself. Falling in love with you is a great first step! Welcome again!!!

  • Kelly

    Hi Farnoosh,
    I know this is an older post but I’ve just discovered your site and am exploring. :) I just wanted to say something about “selfishness”. I followed your link and also read the article at
    I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trying to please everyone around me. Trying to be a good girl, a good teacher, a good wife, a good housewife, a good mother… And now I’m at a point where I’m totally disconnected from myself (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually). Years (a lifetime) of putting others first has got me here. I realized about a year ago that things had to change and started reading motivational books to help, as well as keeping a journal.
    But the gift that your post gave me today is this. And it’s about the “selfishness” piece. Even now, whenever I try to take some alone time for myself at night after my two kids are in bed, I feel guilty because my husband wants me to spend time with him. And so many nights, I would give in and not do what I really want, which is to have some solitude and read and think and meditate and relax. But no more. I’m giving myself permission to be “selfish”. Because when I do take this time, I sleep better. I wake up in a better mood. I’m kinder and more patient with my kids, and with my husband. Overall, I’m a happier, healthier, more peaceful me. I see “selfish” in a whole new light now. :)
    So thank you for your wonderful posts. I’m grateful to have found your site.
    Take care,

    • Farnoosh

      Dearest Kelly, I am SO proud of you for honoring your own needs. It is not selfish to respond to it, it’s self-nurturing and you need as much nurturing as your loved ones. I know it’s not easy to undo a lifetime of habits but I’m just thrilled you are realizing the importance of self-love and self-care….it makes you a whole lot happier and even more wonderful for your loved ones. Keep it up and welcome here. Hope to see you again, Kelly!

  • Rebecca Kinney

    I’m currently taking your self confidence post as part of the journey of self discovery I have recently embarked on. I have always felt out of sync with my family, the belief system I was raised in, the world in general, but most especially with myself. I had no idea how to answer when people asked what I wanted to be. I am good at many different things, not truly wanting any of them as a career. I know now that I really didn’t know myself. I have learned so much about myself lately.
    I share your aversion to obnoxious children, yet I haven’t decided if I want my own.
    I tend to tell it like it is and hit the mental edit button a little late, I am working on this.
    I am extremely protective of my down time.
    I love travel, but also my routines. Sometimes the two do not complement each other.
    I am slowly regaining my physical fitness after a long battle with illness…..and I have discovered that I value this even more after having been without it.

    Thank you so much for the guidance I am finding here, I hope to emerge as the person I was not only meant to be, but someone I would want to meet.

    • Farnoosh

      Dear Rebecca, I enjoyed so much reading your insights. You sound perfect to me, in all your values and desires and even in your challenges. I share so many things here with you – love travel BUT also love love routine and the importance of health. May you grow stronger in confidence and health in the coming weeks and months. So glad the confidence course is helping……

  • Matthew

    First things first, this is a great inspirational post Farnoosh:). It so happens that I was looking for something to read that relates to my current situation, which is “Self-Discovery”. I know who I am, atleast I think so:) so if I can just tell a little; I love hanging out with my friends & I’d love to say I can be very loud when I’m around them. Very out-going. Friendly. I don’t have a problem helping other people. But I CAN also be selfish, for good reasons though. But then again I care too much (no limits or whatsoever) that even when someone asks for help, I force myself to give a hand even when I’m not certain that I can or when my heart is not fully in it. Sometimes I be like..”if I tell them I can’t help, they probably gonna think I don’t want to or that I’m prideful”. You said something about tolerating pain for a long period of time but can’t handling obnoxious kids.. Me totally relates. But the point of the matter is that, I just have a hard time tapping fully into who I really am.. And if I may again, great inspirational post Farnoosh;)

    • Farnoosh

      Matthew, hi! Thanks for sharing your insights. From reading this, I think you are doing a fantastic job tapping into exactly who you are – just think about it, get curious, observe yourself and don’t allow doubts or second-guessing into the picture … you are who you are and that’s a GREAT person. Glad this inspired you :)

  • C088161

    Hi there,

    I’m nearly 28, have been married over 5 years and it has just hit me that life has just passed me by…. I have no idea who I am and what my purpose in life is; I can’t even hold a conversation with my poor wife. In stark contrast, she is a wonderful fun-loving ‘life experienced’ individual who has so much to give, and in my current empty state, I have nothing to offer her. She’s so creative, funny, kind and she craves this, and more, in return…. I can hear it in her sighs when we spend time together.

    The gaps over the past few years have only been filled by her studies and now that they are finished, it’s so apparent that I’m not putting in to our relationship what she is. While she’s been studying over the past few years, I’ve been a hermit; working, coming home, sleeping… working, coming home, sleeping. I’ve come to the realisation that I have no friends, no experiences, no stories… I lack experiences, curiosity and thought… even about the simplest things in life and it’s been driving me up the wall.

    It’s all negative so far, and my sincere apologies to anyone reading this, however I do know that I need to do something about this. Life can be so damn fulfilling and the guests on this site give me sooo much inspiration; I need to get off my backside and start living. I’ve been searching for some self-help books on social situations (I really don’t talk beyond a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response), emotional intelligence, journal writing and just living life. This led me to this goldmine of selflessness; it’s wonderful that people take time out to share experiences and guide others because I really do believe that if you can save one person from something harmful/bad, it’s as though you have saved mankind.

    Just thought I’d let you know that the content I’ve read so far is great, and I’ll be attempting your ‘life purpose’ questions in the morning, to the sound of my wife breathing/snoring (music to my ears!).

    Wish you all the best in your endeavours.

    • Farnoosh

      Hi there, first things first: you’re still a baby :)) but it’s good to realize time does fly and it’s important to live life consciously and intentionally So glad this post resonated wit you. I’d say that your awareness so far (and I wish I knew your name so I call you by that :)), is wonderful. You can bring purpose, excitement, experience and so much to your life STARTING today. So just do. And grab my confidence guide to give you a big boost – think it’ll help:

  • fateme

    Hi ,thanks for your 21-step confidence. It was really good and I think I need it .I’m 44 and live in Iran . I couldn’t find a man in my life.In fact I miss them very soon and can’t be loved by men. You think if i love myself i can help my self?

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  • Avery

    Regarding “4. Get to Know your Dreams”:

    What if I have no evident dreams? How do I discover them?

    • Farnoosh

      @disqus_C6ZmT5xLwZ:disqus You know, the best way I have found is by asking questions. What makes you really happy? What gets you excited about the future? What change do you want to see in yourself, your family, your community, or bigger? What brings you inner peace and joy? It doesn’t have to be big or cool sounding. Your dream could be to garden all day and be able to read the books that you want to read. Or the freedom to visit the ocean once a year or whatever it may be. I hope this helps??

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  • Victor

    Hi Farnoosh, I find your perspective very intriguing as it reflects the subconscious sense of my life.

    present, I also have a cushy corporate senior management job pulling in
    six figures. I started working at this corporation many years ago at a
    relatively junior professional position and have earned multiple
    promotions to get to where I am now.

    But deep down inside, I
    never stopped dreaming doing something else to earn my living as what I
    do now does not fulfill my true career desires and freedom. Over these
    years, at times, I also came across troubling conflicts between
    corporate and personal values. It was extremely demoralizing. So I
    think I know exactly how you felt when you decided to make the big
    change to free yourself.

    This leads to my guilty dilemma. I
    have two dependents who rely on my stable income – a stay-at-home wife
    who loves her current lifestyle and a son who is attending college
    studying to be a pharmacologist, Needless to say, abandoning my current
    job to pursue my own personal dreams would be risky if not considered to
    be a selfish act. So my question is -> How can I justify to myself
    to do what you did to find long term personal happiness without
    negatively impacting on others who rely on you? If I were single, I
    would have made the bold change years ago.

    You are a wise and insightful gift to us and I look forward to your advice.

    Victor, the family man

    • Liitirla Lance

      I’m not the one you wanted, but I do have some advice. Since you have a stable income at the moment, you could take advantage of that fact and start investing a small percentage into a possible career alternative, as well as an emergency fund if you don’t have one already. Have enough saved so that you can live off of it comfortably for a month. It’s a lot easier to make a transition when you’ve had everything prepared and set up from beforehand, and you won’t be inconvenienced if your next aspiration doesn’t live up to your expectations.

      You’re probably very busy as it is, but if you have any free time, you could dedicate that to exploring other options. Some alternatives will demand all of your time, but there are some that won’t. This way, you can get a taste of it without having to commit. You might be able to do this and still keep your current job. If your responsibilities are too much for this, is it possible for you to take a lower-paid position within the company (one that demands less time) instead of quitting? Is there someone on your level or above who you can trust to get you back on top if the other job doesn’t work out? Since you’re already a valued employee to them, you will have somewhere to go back to if it all doesn’t work out.

      Hope I helped in some way. This is essentially how my mother kept her footing during career changes. It’s managed to keep her in a safe financial place while testing the waters of other opportunities. Some didn’t end well, and it was a huge relief to have a plan in place.

      • Farnoosh

        Brilliant advice for our friend Victor here Liitirla Lance You are kind and wise and I’m delighted that you took it upon yourself to answer and provide so much insights.

        I’d add to this Victor that it’s not selfish to want to be happy when you are supporting the happiness of others. Why is it not selfish for your wife to be a stay at home mom then or for your son to go to college to pursue something he loves? We all deserve to be happy. One option is to do nothing – and you can see where this takes you. The other option is to do something small every single day, and you need to take those steps NOW and be okay with the small progress but believe that it can lead you down a path of ultimate freedom. In the very least, think of it as a backup plan – what if your employer decided to let you go? You want to be in charge and control of your destiny not have ohters control it. I could go on and on but these are the first thoughts that come to mind. I also recommend that you take advantage of my free 5-video training to help you with this, check it out here:

        • Victor

          Thank you for replying, Farnoosh. I value your suggestions as I see you being a very wise, inspiring, and practical person. This is well reflected in the refreshing content of your website and blogs.

          I am now more certain than ever that Liitirla’s idea is the best approach for me as you also concur on it. What particularly touched me is your observation about my wife’s choice to stay at home as opposed to helping out on the family income. I often thought about this fact but each time I concluded that I should not assume others, including my wife, to see what I see, do what I do, and expect what I expect. If staying home is her choice, I respect that and I would not expect anything more from her otherwise.

          I see that taking the wedding vow obligates me to support her, for better or for worse. If it means I have to bear the sole responsibility to support my family, so be it as this may be the way our creator sees it. I would definitely not rely on the standards of others to justify my own actions. I like your brilliant idea of doing something small every day and gradually progress to realizing my ultimate goal.

          Once again, I am very grateful that you responded to my plea for advice. I will have a look at your video training to find true personal happiness and ask you any questions that I may have if that’s OK.

          • Farnoosh

            Dear @exploringseagull:disqus You are very welcome. The only reason I brought up your wife and son’s choices was to just show you that by pursuing something you love, you are not selfish and others can respect it – that’s pure equality to me … and yes we bear different responsibilities in each relationship and we choose to do differently by our spouses. Your standards are yours and may they bring you peace and happiness, but whatever you do, I insist on one thing being true: Pursuing what you and you alone love – with or without the support of everyone around you – is NOT a selfish thing, it’s nurturing and necessary. Good luck, Victor!

      • Victor

        Thank you for your assuring perspective, Liitirla. I called it “assuring” as I have long contemplated doing exactly what you have suggested – that is to ease into the transition slowly while maintaining some stability in financial income.

        Unfortunately, taking a lower pay position in the corporation in order to free up more personal time for my pursuit of alternative career would probably not work out. I will not go into any details about my rather complex work situation. However, despite my 11-hour workdays, I think I can stay in my current job and allocate more of my leisure time to do this even if it means sacrificing my weekday evenings and weekends. To me it is worth it. It is good to see that your invaluable advice points me the same way. Thanks again so much for jumping in to rescue this drowning family man.

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  • Katie Milton

    Great post! Lots of thoughtful and actionable information. Thank you!

    • Farnoosh

      Hey @katie_milton:disqus, sweet! Great to hear you enjoyed it and come back for more.

  • Steve Roy

    Excellent stuff here, Farnoosh. You are absolutely right in that it’s so important to truly know ourselves. This is something I only recently started working on seriously and have found some eye opening things about myself.

    I think to do really meaningful work, we must know what lies deep within our hearts and be able to use it. How can we truly serve others in the best way possible if we don’t know what matters most??

    • Farnoosh

      Hey @disqus_pkex5GCvsJ:disqus, I love how you put it: We must know what lies deep within our hearts > beautiful :)

  • Matt (Mr. Cash At Hand)

    This article was an eye opener! There is so many attributes that we possess as human beings that we haven’t even tapped into yet. We have to get to know ourselves and the powers we have within. What you have discussed here with us (dreams, personality, likes & dislikes, etc.) is what makes us who we are! Thank you for sharing!

    • Farnoosh

      @MrCashAtHand:disqus So true we have hardly even started to tap into our full potential and attributes as the complex humans that we are :)

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  • Daniel Diaz

    why isn’t everybody doing this?

    • Farnoosh

      Why worry about what others are doing or not doing? Start with YOU, Daniel.

      • Daniel Diaz

        because I care how people feel.
        ps I started a few years ago and its driving me crazy

        • Farnoosh

          Well, are YOU doing it? We start with ourselves @disqus_zKZ8Zk710j:disqus :)?

          • Daniel Diaz

            yes I am

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  • Jennifer Jackson

    Can you help me stop comparing myself with other people every time. I get very easily inspired by other people and start copying them. Please help me out @Farnoosh.

    • Farnoosh

      Hi @disqus_jYbSAHhsvl:disqus I teach you how to do this in my The Positive Affirmations for Life program which you can grab here:

  • Katie Esget

    I was very intrigued with your article and plan to look furthermore into other reads you have. I have set my goal in motion to self-discovery because life happenings had happened before I could even grasp myself. I have been a stay at home Mom for t years now. Recently decided to work part time when my husband is off to be there for our kids. It has sure opened another sight I never realized…. I don’t know who I truely am other than being a Mother and a Wife. Do I haveva career purpose? As my college years have recently failed me because I have exceeded my loan amount as an undergrad. Right when I truely knew what I wanted to do furthering my education failed me or did I fail it? Indecisive about career path because of classes I couldn’t excel in to furthermore into what I wanted to do. Now I’m at a stuck point to seek further but I figured what the heck lets start with me. My fear of this journey is what if I don’t find my true reasoning? Does that failure end?

    Just this briefing of what I’m seeking, can you help direct me where I should eve start?

    Thanks & hope to hear from you,
    Katie E.

    • Farnoosh

      Hi Katie Esget Thanks for sharing your struggles. You should start with self-confidence and figuring out what you want to do. I recommend two things:

      1. Sign up for my free confidence building course:

      2. Download The Positive Affirmations for Life program to start building more positive thinking into your system and also in the process, let the affirmations help you figure out what your next steps are.

      After that, let me know that you have done this and I’ll help you with next steps.

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  • Parth

    I am a Postgraduate and still confused what I want/have to do further in my life.Few months back I quit working and it feels like my all desires are dead over the years.I guess this is what makes me different but that isn’t good at all.I don’t know what’s wrong with me earlier I thought it’s just a phase which is going to end soon but now it’s getting uncontrollable for me .

    PS:Once someone told me that one can calm down his mind in adverse situations by thinking about the worst possibility that may happen to him.I guess that I have taken it too seriously!

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  • CiAnoqry

    Is it too late for me to ask questions regarding this? or request for something

    • Farnoosh

      Not too late. @anoqry:disqus :)

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  • MaslowedMe

    I have always admired people who have figured out who they are, what they want from life and then go about getting it! I think I am at the halfway mark as far as my journey of self discovery is concerned. But recently I started getting in touch with other people who have been successful at this journey of self discovery and have started on a path of doing what they truly want…and its been amazing! A colleague of mine sent me the link to this article and it was a great way to start my Monday morning. It resonated with me and the stories that I am trying to put together as a way of inspiring others towards a journey of self discovery and to really find meaning in their life through their work and the way they choose to live. Hoping to read more inspiring stuff on prolific living!

    • Farnoosh

      @maslowedme:disqus So gald you are on the journey of self-discovery. And better yet, putting together your own stories! Did you see the 29 questions to better prepare you?

  • Kay

    I wan to try it but I always start something and don’t follow through…