Growing up is hard enough. Why make it harder on purpose?
I remember being 11-years old and getting plucked from one country to another – Iran to Turkey to be exact – only to be plucked again at 14 from Turkey to America. Try adjusting as a normal kid in an American high school as a kid from the middle east. Yeah. That was not fun.
I’m sure your childhood was hard in its own way. Your family doesn’t have to move across countries and oceans and introduce you to double culture shocks for childhood to be hard. A stupid kid bullying you is enough to give you self-esteem issues for years. A rejection from your first attempt at dating can be traumatic enough to make you doubt yourself for years.
So if you had a hard time growing up to be confident, independent, and accepting of yourself, then you are not alone, darling, and thankfully, neither am I.
But one day, you wake up as an adult – and even if you don’t feel like an adult, you still get to be the dreadful age you never EVER imagined you would be, 20 something, 30 something or gasp, 40 something and beyond – and it turns out that those assumptions you made about life, people, and most importantly, about your own amazing self, turn out to be false. Untrue. Lies even. Awful, terrible and harmful lies.
What now? You need a new game plan, that’s what.
Reminder: You can still grab The Positive Affirmations for Life program with more than 4 hours of audio affirmations for 7 life situations that impact your happiness and success the most.
What actually happens when you feed the lies?
Do you know what happens when you believe something that is not true? It destroys the purity of your spirit. It takes away the richness of life and gives you dull colors and grey skies in exchange. It robs of your joy, your genius, your worthiness and you allow it to keep happening because you don’t even know the depth of damage.
How terrible is this? Whilst you wouldn’t admit it loudly, you held on to a “fact” for years – even decades – because some fat bully from middle school called you a name and everyone – or rather, three junior bullies around him or her – laughed at you. When you went home, you told nobody about what happened, and you called them dummies and idiots but a sliver of doubt began to form inside you and a part of you wondered if they were right.
Newsflash: They weren’t. They were just too dumb to know any better.
Those stupid bullies had their own issues. Perhaps their parents did not know how to love them and raise them to be compassionate adults. Perhaps their parents had awful upbringings of their own and the cycle just continued, but know this: they were wrong and what they said was anything but true.
Maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive them and then to forgive yourself for believing the falsehood, and for betraying yourself all these years.
Maybe you can begin the healing right now, because false assumptions are not your fault, these are lies that your mind loves to tell you.
But here’s the kicker: the healing part is entirely in your hands. You don’t have to live an unhappy life now because of what happened then. You can either begin to heal those wounds, or to continue hurting.
If you want to heal, and stop being so unsatisfied with your life, keep reading the 9 lies you tell yourself, lies that hold you back in life, lies that no happy person would believe in their right mind.
9 Lies Your Mind Loves to Tell You
1. She/he can do that because ______ but I can’t do that.
Nonsense. Complete and utter nonsense. What is it others can do that you can’t do? Run a marathon? Be flexible? Get straight As? Look glamorous? Make a lot of money? All of the above? Be careful what your mind tells you because that’s where your future is shaped, right there in between your own ears. Decide to believe you can do whatever the hell you desire, and nothing can stop you.
2. I need ______ in order to do _____.
Do you, really? This “I need something to happen before something else can happen”, is it true? I need money to be happy. I need a job and a raise before I can find friends. I need furniture before I can throw a party. I need friends to be loved. I need a house/car/nice clothes to be successful. Total rubbish. You need only inner peace, a determined mind and an open heart to go for anything. The rest is detail.
3. I don’t feel like it.
This is not a fact, this is a transitory mood, and you are a powerful human being and can decide to be in any mood you wish. That’s right. Your own mood is within your own power. But only yours, not anyone else’s so stick to you. Here’s the cure to the “I don’t feel like it” syndrome.
4. I am too old / too broke / too ______ to change.
More nonsense. Age is a state of mind, and most of us are too young to even know the meaning of this phrase. But our thinking makes us old, it ages us faster, and it robs our energy and productivity. So next time you hear this lie, re-phrase it: I am the perfect age, the perfect financial stage, the perfect time and place in my life to make this change.
5. It’s easy for you to say.
What does that even mean? Of course things are easy to say. They are easier to say than to do, because doing takes effort. Do you want to just snap your fingers like a little genie to get everything you want? Is anything less disappointing and unacceptable? Then perhaps you landed in the wrong universe. Stop saying this useless rubbish phrase. Replace it with it’s possible for me. It’s entirely possible for me. Then go for it.
6. I should or should not ______
Should is a funny word, it makes us feel all important and self-disciplined, and I used to “should” all over the place but I see just how much this sneaky word limited me. When you hear your mind go here, ask why? Explore. Go deeper. What is the assumption that makes you say that? And perhaps, we just abuse the poor word so here’s a good use: You should indeed do whatever it is you desire. No?
7. That’s not fair. Life isn’t fair.
And who defines fair? Arguing with reality is a lose-lose game, as Byron Katie so beautifully points out in The Work. Ask yourself instead: Is it absolutely true that it’s not fair, and find at least one thing that is purely and utterly and sweetly fair in your life, and that breaks down the lie for you right there.
8. Nobody understands me. I am all alone
Impossible. You mean in the billions of people populating this universe, nobody understands you. Or do you mean just of the 15 people in your immediate surroundings? That’s not everyone. Everyone is a big number, and you can explore to the end of time and not get finished getting to them all. Instead, why not say, those I hang out with regularly don’t seem to understand me, perhaps I should surround myself with those who do. Then do just that.
Example: If you want to be an entrepreneur, stop hanging out with corporate types. Join the right communities, like this one.
9. It’s not my fault. It’s theirs.
Do you secretly blame your parents, teachers, boss, spouse/partner or kids? You can keep doing it, just know that there is no way to escape lifelong bitterness and unhappiness if you do. There is no blaming in the journey to happiness and inner peace. There is acceptance and taking absolute responsibility for your own happiness.
You do want to be happy, don’t you? This was a bit of tough love but someone has to tell you about the lies you tell yourself or you’d go on believing life to be anything less than extraordinary.