Are You Happy?
One of my most favorite shows in American TV history is Fraser. Ever watch it? There is an episode where Fraser and his brother Niles are talking about life’s meaning and the question: “Are you happy?”. When Niles threw the question at Fraser’s face, he went speechless, which rarely happened to Fraser. After several minutes, he said, “Well, that’s a very complicated question!”
So is “Are you happy?” a complicated question?
To me, (and only after years of working on myself!), it’s quite simple. As simple as “Are you pregnant?”, “Are you a woman?”, “Are your eyes blue?”
But complicate happiness, we do.
In fact, I had the pleasure of working with an amazing client in my coaching program last year and she was very good at this. One of her giant struggles in life was to be happy. Just to Be Happy. She was a huge success by all standards, in her profession, in a happy marriage and living extremely comfortably but she was constantly looking for an escape from the life she had created, one that had become more of a prison and less of a sanctuary.
Reminder: You can still grab The Positive Affirmations for Life program with more than 4 hours of audio affirmations for 7 life situations that impact your happiness and success the most.
It was not only difficult for her to be happy, it was unclear what exactly made her happy, which was part of our work together, a journey toward getting to know yourself and discovering the simplicity of happiness. She only knew how to be unhappy.
Some of the sources of her chosen unhappiness were: Undue stress, constant worry, harboring the past, fearing the future, ignoring the present, comparison to everyone who seems “better, smarter, thinner, richer”, blame, anger, grudge, fear.
PS. I’m thrilled to say that my client has a renewed sense of happiness and gratitude now and for that, I’m overjoyed for her, but back to this business of unhappiness now.
The Attraction to Unhappiness and Misery
When you feel so bound inside the walls of your own unhappiness, you can hardly hear anyone else. You would not know it if someone even handed you the keys to your freedom.
Why? Because you are too engrossed in your own misery to care. You are far more interested to wallow in self-pity than to walk out into the sunlight. You are not ready to hear others tell you how to be happy – even if the message is simple.
When you are ready to greet happiness, to allow yourself to feel it and to be it, then we can talk about happiness, and joy and inner peace but for now, let’s talk about unhappiness, misery, stress and worry. Let’s talk about the way you are feeling and how you can make absolutely 100% certain that you can continue feeling that way if you so choose to do so, and that’s what this post is about.
I mean, in all fairness, unhappiness doesn’t get any of the spotlight. I figured it might be fun to explore the root causes of all things that make us unhappy. Well, all things may be ambitious – perhaps the essential pillars of unhappiness is more accurate. Here goes.
How to Be Unhappy: 41 Ways
1. Talk to yourself in a negative words.
2. Be judgmental of your past decisions.
3. Blame your parents, siblings or anyone else for your circumstances.
4. Harbor hatred toward anyone.
5. Hold on to grudges, big or small.
6. Stay in toxic relationships for irrational reasons.
7. Overprotect your loved ones and freak out when they neglect your advice.
8. Blame your money problems on economy or “the rich”.
9. Compare your life with others and feel small and insignificant.
10. Think you are too old to be happy.
11. Feel jealous and envious when you hear about the success of others.
12. Let the actions of other people decide how you feel at any moment.
13. Neglect your body, your health, and/or your mental well-being.
14. Sacrifice your body, health and mental well-being for others.
15. Harbor the past and glamorize ‘the way things were when .. ‘.
16. Ignore the present moment.
17. Forget to practice daily gratitude.
18. Fear the future and constantly live in fear and worry.
19. Read and watch the news.
20. Speak words of negativity and spread your negative thoughts.
21. Surround yourself with negative toxic people.
22. Judge the actions of others: friends and strangers alike.
23. Claim to know the circumstances of someone else.
24. Mistreat your body by smoking cigarettes, weed, other toxic stuff.
25. Consume processed sugar.
26. Succumb to peer pressure when you don’t want to do something.
27. Hate yourself. Some or all of yourself. Some of the time or all the time.
28. Let others make important life decisions for you.
29. Neglect your intuition and inner wisdom.
30. Read and consume content that does not serve you.
31. Stay in a miserable job.
32. Continue a miserable career because you started it.
33. Chase the money – and only the money – when you’re building your business.
34. Feel too proud or scared to ask for help when you need it.
35. Close yourself to the world instead of seeking company of good warm loving souls.
36. Believe that you are completely alone.
37. Have no faith in your own abilities to make the right changes.
38. Focus on all the people who have “wronged” you in life.
39. Never forgive yourself for anything you do.
40. Blame yourself for everything you didn’t know when you were younger.
41. Glorify your misery and feel unworthy and unable to experience happiness.
So Are You Going to Let Unhappiness Win?
Warning, I am going to wrap with some tough love: If you are unhappy, you need help and asking for it is not a sign of weakness. You can apply to my coaching program and find out how life coaching can transform your life, or you can get help from someone else who can show you the light because your life is too beautiful to choose to live it out in darkness.
Or you can do nothing and continue the way you have, in which case you can be certain to stay unhappy. By choice. So which is it going to be, darling?