There are days that I look at myself and wonder how – just how – I summoned this unabashed, undaunted, unstoppable soaring confidence to keep me the most loyal company day and night, rain or sunshine, good or bad days. How did I manage to quiet the constant chatter of those fears and insecurities and trade them in for the honesty, the inner peace and the true strength that is confidence.
If my confidence were a character in a play, it’d be Katherina, the headstrong, obdurate shrew in Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, …. except without the taming. My confidence is wild, indomitable, obstinate, and now that I have set it free, it will not take no for an answer!
I make no mistake about the transition that happened to me from last year when I was pulled into a foray of frenzy and doubt to now when I have become unstuck and unstoppable and have heaps of business success to validate my theory behind it all. The flow did not result from some fancy marketing class or business workshop or working with a coach or attending a conference – I know those all have enormous benefits; however, that was not the problem that was holding me back.
My problem can be summed up in two words: Insecurities and doubts, the resistance to change and to grow and to follow my heart, and I was not going to go anywhere as long as I chose to wake up to carry the heavy weight of those demons all day long every day.
So one day, I laid down this ridiculously heavy burden and decided to take my journey without them, and that’s the day that my confidence showed up. I’ve felt confident many times before in my life, it was not the first time by any means, but there was something very different in the quality of this confidence. I could tell, this time, it came to stay.
This time, I can’t tame or quiet my self-confidence, and I’ll tell you, the happiness and the inner peace that comes from living confidently is worth all the fake comfort and “security” that comes from living shackled to fear and doubt.
So how did it happen? What is my “secret”?
Honestly? Something incredible shifted a few months ago, and I awakened the giant that was sleeping deep within my layers of doubt, insecurity, fear, and low self-esteem and that giant is my self-confidence, and I want to teach you how to awaken your giant within – yes, I know that is the title of a Tony Robbins book which I have yet to read, but alas, it is the best analogy for a roaring self-confidence that has awakened from a long slumber.
One day, I decided to be brave and to have courage. Yes, big decisions do emerge in an instant. I decided to go through with my decisions and my actions even if the fear was going to paralyze me from head to toe – it did momentarily – even if my stomach would go wild with butterflies – every single time, baby! – even if I would make a complete, ridiculous fool of myself – at least a half dozen times, at least! – even if all those people whose opinions I worried about at the time thought me to be a silly, “lost, confused” soul – Well, I’ll never know, will I and that is precisely the point:)!.
I kid you not, that is all it took, an instant decision to be brave, to move through fear and come out on the other side and see for myself that I did not die – or even get badly hurt for that matter.
It was just enough already, you know? I just got sick and disgusted of being scared all the time, of being worried about making a mistake and always going with the safe and unappealing decisions or worse, doing nothing and just waiting by the side-lines. I got tired of seeing myself as small and had to shift my angle to start seeing what I can offer to the world as big.
A small vision will yield a small life, so change the vision, my dear. Change it fast!
Being chained to comfort is over-rated. Comfort is when you stay with what you know, and what you believe to be safe. I believe it is worse to rot in comfort than to thrive in pain. So I chose to thrive.
I am in love with pain now. We are in a bit of a love affair, me and pain – pain in the form of honesty, letting go of what doesn’t work even if it scares you to pieces, saying no with poise, asking for what you are worth and getting it, pushing boundaries, taking risks, changing things up, shaking up a routine, expanding the business, not compromising your integrity, doing what you’ve never done before if that’s what you wanna do and kicking complacency out of sight for good.
There is one more thing that I need to admit here. It is the willingness to lose it all. It is the complete detachment from all that you have built in order to be able to set yourself free. It is called a risk, and it can go terribly wrong or it can transform your life forever. I decided to take risks, and really embrace uncertainty – not just in words but in deeds.
I know, you have doubts that this will work for you, and you probably eye me as some exceptional “super brave” case, and already have decided that you are different, and this won’t apply to you. I know precisely the emotion you are experiencing, and I also know I can’t ask you to just turn it off. That’s fine. All I want you to do is to keep reading, because I know for a fact that you can awaken your giant within and these 8 starter tips may just help nudge him from his slumber, and that alone will be worth your while for a very long time.
8 Start Tips to Trade In your Insecurity and Doubts for Self-Confidence:
1. Believe that you can overcome them. Every day, tell yourself yes you can. Believing comes first.
2. Remember one instant when you took a chance, when you went through your fear and did something you wanted. Bring that feeling to life.
3. Find a role model, someone that you can relate to, someone who was scared even more than you and somehow, found a way to not be so anymore.
4. Forgive yourself for holding on to doubts and the insecurities. Let the guilt dissolve and focus on going forward only now.
5. Release the resistance to change because it is futile, and don’t dramatize it. Just let things happen. Let great things happen!
6. Accept that what comes in place of fear and insecurity can fill you up, bring you peace of mind, and even happiness. It’s an empowering thought.
7. Start small by going through one tiny, insecurity or fear, by consciously choosing to only focus on that one as an experiment and see what happens. The risk is minimal and the reward, well, I’ll let you find out.
8. Know that you can always go back, in that, if self-confidence just doesn’t work out for you, you can always break up with it and your fears and insecurities will take you back in a hot minute, I guarantee it.
So won’t you at least give self-confidence a chance?
Photography by Prolific Living and on location in New Zealand – Christchurch to be precise, two days after the December 2011 pre-Xmas earthquakes. The trees stood their ground. Would you stand yours in an earthquake of doubt and insecurity?
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{ 39 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
Hugs – what a gorgeous post! It is actually easy to soar when we decide to. It is as simple as that. “Yes, I can” followed by “Just Do It” are two powerful mottos that can transform life from stagnant to happy, as I’ve discovered many times. The joy of taking the risk brings on such a surge of self-respect combined with self-confidence – and remembering it during those moments of doubt keeps the adrenalin simmering nicely. Most of all, it is important to accept that it is okay to be afraid, and then let go of the fear. Not acknowledging is half the problem. I know how some people convince themselves that they are failures because they are afraid to step forward, and because they work so hard to convince themselves, they cannot summon up the energy to do positive stuff.
Thank you for an awesome read!
Hi Vidya, thank you and gorgeous yourself. “It is easy to soar when we decide to” < Brilliant! The most brilliant things are so simple too. Thank you for articulating this better than I could – and for being a true model for self-improvement of the heart, mind and soul. I loved your words here…….
I am a strong believer of myself – not others. I always have full confidence of myself and act confidently. Sometimes my girlfriend will laugh at my over-confidence personality.. haha!
But there’s a great advantage of being a confident person. We can easily breakthrough obstacles easier (not easily, just easier).. just my thought
Cheers,
Dennis.
Dennis, do they blame you of arrogance, perhaps?
! There IS a difference – I have had arrogance before but a super confident feeling is different, in that we are not better than anyone else, we are simply comfortable being who we are. And yes, EASIER- certainly not easy. Good distinction, thanks for sharing, Dennis.
No, Farnoosh… They never blame me for being arrogance. They just don’t understand how I could be so confident of myself and as what you just mentioned, I am very comfortable being who I am right now – no complain of my life and just feel my life is simply AWESOME!
Cheers,
Dennis.
Dennis, good deal – I have just heard overly confident & arrogant used together and of course they are not.
Be comfortable – Life IS awesome. Thanks for coming back to answer my question, Dennis.
I really don’t bash on myself, until someone that’s smaller than me starts complaining about her weight. Which happens a lot. Also, a friend of mine wants to go bikini shopping, and I would rather not show my stretch marks and flab to the world. Haha. But that kinda kills the good image of myself.
Hi Jazmine, thanks for stopping by – self-image plays a big part in our self-confidence, no kidding. And I’d not do anything I don’t want to do, even if it’s my best friend, or my own mom. I’ve learned to say no – part of the whole confidence ordeal, I suppose. And I hope you feel great saying no as well as saying yes .
What a wonderful post! Normally I have a lot of confidence but as I step out of the box more often, I feel less confident about the choices I’m making. We can look back, after we’ve gone through fear and come out on the other side, and see why we made the decision. Going to through it can reduce confidence tremendously. Thanks for these great tips!! I’m going to read through them a lot!
Hi dear Betsy, I heard on a coaching call with one of my favorite coaches that if you are not uncomfortable, you are not pushing yourself hard enough – so it’s a great sign, and we just have to push through it.
! You are most welcome, lovely to see you here.
Farnoosh,
Brilliant! First, you are a superb writer. Your words and thoughts flow like a river going downstream.
In this one article, you have offered a manifesto. If you haven’t yet, check out Jeff Goins on goinswriter.com whose manifesto on writing is excellent.
I am a whirling dervish of fear when I get out of my comfort zone…which is a lot of the time. I have come to accept it as the price I need to pay if I want to walk through my fear and get on the other side. Julien Smith’s writing has helped me to put it in perspective.
Like you, I have experienced long stretches of self confidence when I feel like I can tackle practically anything.
With what I’m doing now, I have Beginners Mind. My self confidence is like a piece of swiss cheese. It has holes in it. I am working on it. And believe me, your article is going to be placed on my desk to be read daily. …it will be my Farnoosh ‘pep talk’. You have given me a beautiful gift.
Fran
Dear Fran, thank you SO MUCH – that makes my day! What a gorgeous analogy. Thank you….
)
!
I am a little confused – do you mean my writing manifesto or does Jeff also have one?
Oh and I LOVE Beginner’s Mind – it’s such a fun place to be …. terrifying at times, yes, but what fun is easy and comfortable? I am very proud of you and you can do as you wish with my article. Best of luck on those days, but you need no luck, Fran, I can tell that you just DO
I love your authenticity Farnoosh. Embracing your pain–great advice. Walking into, and through, the fear, rather than avoiding it. Not “fight”, not “flight”, but calm thoughtfulness, clearly defining ourselves and our position and our boundaries. And standing with our feet planted, then moving where our wisdom leads us–which often is directly straight into the fear, and through it until we reach the other side. Thanks as always Farnoosh!
Sean, welcome back after SUCH a long time and thank you so much for your comment…. ! Yes, I’ve changed my ways from crushing pain and making it disappear to actually going through it – because it’s never going away it’s how we choose to deal with it – I’ve done a little growing up, if you will
!!
And as for standing with our feet planted, that’s exactly why I put those giant New Zealand trees there for a visual. Here’s hoping we stand the winds of change and move through fear with confidence. Lovely to see you and keep in touch, Sean.
Hi Farnoosh,
Currently in my city, we are experiencing a bit of political unrest. Which fuels insecurity among people. (It’s election year)You can imagine the Easter holidays are beckoning. And with unrest in the air, it can casts a dark cloud of insecurity around.
I feel they are many ways external influences that affect our self confidence. Most times it’s never as bad as it seems. For my case, when the media runs terrifying stories the whole time. It is bound to affect the psychology of the people. Now if only more people could read this.
I really love the tips you have given. I especially resonate with the one on accept. In place of insecurity, I ask for peace for mind. I want to enjoy my holidays. And not even my holidays, I won’t allow external influence of any kind to shake me up. It feels good to think empowering thoughts.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Veeh
Dearest Veeh, I am so sorry for the stress and tension, my dear. I hope sun replaces those dark clouds – I feel for you (remember, I am from Iran and we lived through war in the 1980s ….).
It is VERY challenging when you are going through such a hard time. I am sending you extra special good vibes, Veeh, keep me in the loop ok? Maybe treat yourself to a green juice and take care of your health and body?
Big hugs to you!
Thanks so much Farnoosh for your thoughtful comforting words. I really appreciate them. All political unrest can be emotionally draining among other things. You know,I still juice once a week, one of my favorite habits. Helps to clear my system especially my heart and mind. I am glad I started that early. I am hoping the situation here will lift up soon, it has to. Thanks again, will keep you posted.
I very much like your eight points. I’m going to pass them on to a friend who needs them.
Like you, my change in attitude came in an instant. I had been a chubby, red-haired, freckled-faced child with glasses, to boot. I was teased and taunted daily. Even after I dropped the weight, became a successful performer — paying part of my way through college with beauty pageant winnings, no less — I was still the same insecure girl I was in elementary school.
One day — in a college health class my freshman year — I realized that I was just exhausted. I was soooo tired of trying to do all the things I thought would make people like me and impress them. And I knew, deep down, that all the manipulating, even if it worked, just made them like the FAKE version of me. What I really wanted — rather than hoards of fans who thought I was cool — was some really great friends.
In that moment, I decided that I was done with all that.
In truth, it took a couple of months for just being myself to become a habit, but I never looked back. I can honestly say that I have felt mostly confident since that time.
And what’s really weird is that when I stopped trying so hard was when I actually had more friends than ever.
Dearest Alison, your profile photo is not just beautiful – it is pure confidence. I can see it in your eyes and smile. THANK YOU for sharing your story – thank you for sharing the post with a friend and for being so vulnerable and honest here in your account. Why are kids so mean to each other? I just don’t get it. I went to a strictly religious elementary school in fundamentalist Iran so all the kids supported each other as if we were each other’s life line because we had oppressive school teachers and horrific rules to deal with…. I made my best friends in elementary school.
Thanks again for being here, Alison.
And I love how you made that decision instantly even if turning it into an action took some time – Great great story – thank you for sharing. It is amazing how confidence attracts lots and lots of people your way, isn’t it?
Dear Farnoosh,
This is a brilliant turn-around: “I am in love with pain now.” Pain can be for a purpose and you’ve described its true essence. I’m inspired by the way you made an instant shift! It’s enough to catapult any of us by association!
Sandra, thank you so much!!! As I said above to Sean, I used to talk about ‘crushing pain’ but I’ve learned that it keeps showing up so we’ve made friends
! How have you been? How wonderful of you to delight me with your presence. And I can see you’ve interviewed one of my very good friends, The Vizier. I must go read it now. Big hugs.
Wow! I know EXACTLY how you feel through processes like this. And I know how quickly a decision can happen and transform your life. It feels like years of fear and hardship build up to a point where we can’t take it anymore. And then, poof, we decide that we’re fed up with it and we suddenly release our resistance to changing and let the floodgates open. Once we’re on the other side, we wonder why we waited so long. Once we see how awesome it is on the other side, we wonder how we endured so much crap for so long. And there’s no turning back. Then there’s no containing our new, amazing selves.
As you’ve said, it usually won’t happen after attending a seminar or reading a book. But the years of personal development information that you take in doing things like this adds up. It’s what gives your inner self the confidence to finally say “enough is enough.”
This is such an awesome and necessary post. People NEED this message! Thank you so much for telling your story, Farnoosh!!
Hi dear dear Paige, after sharing just a tiny bit about your parents, I know you are no stranger to pain and that’s just one aspect of your life experience that I know …. And YES, we DO wonder every single time – what were we waiting for?
!!
Thank you for articulating my thoughts better than I could – you are a gem, I am so glad we have met and are sharing these insights with each other.
ah yes – that was first thing i had to tackle coming out of depression – regaining my self confidence. and that i was doing well, and that was enough
Noch Noch
Noch Noch, “that was enough” – well-said. Self-love and self-confidence, so you have done the hardest part of the journey, haven’t you?
Thanks so much for sharing.
Hi Farnoosh
It seems we’ve been sharing the same space and carrying the same load.
Its true what you say. It really is as simple as making a decision. Leaving the excuses behind and forging forward with complete belief in yourself.
One of my words for this year is Courage. I have it posted everywhere to remind me to keep moving and stop playing head games with myself.
That is fine to live in the fear, it won’t kill me. The thought of fear is often worse than the fear itself.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it helps to know that you’re not the only one having them. Wishing you the most awesome journey for 2012.
Jackie, you and me and probably many others. Sigh!
!
Courage is a beautiful powerful strong word. I love it. And the only thing we have to fear is fear itself right? Not the “what” that we fear but the thought and feeling of fear, this nebulous heavy burden that is so intangible yet so damaging….
Here’s to a very very courageous year for you, Jackie, of course all taken in one day at a time
THANK YOU for stopping by.
Life really can change in an instant. I know I made a decision a couple of weeks ago that broke me through a few months of procrastination and has me taking action once again. Thanks for sharing your inspiring post!
Hi dear Grady, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you ….. thank you for yet another validation on those instant decisions that can transform our lives. Good For You! And thank YOU for sharing… !!!
Yes, it has been a while. I got stuck in my “comfort zone” lazing away in “procrastination station”, but I’ve gotten out of my shell and back on the path
I’ll try not to be a stranger. 
Stuck in the comfort zone and lazing away in the procrastination station. This is such a hilarious description and so true
Hi Farnoosh,
Love this line – “I awakened the giant that was sleeping deep within my layers of doubt, insecurity, fear, and low self-esteem and that giant is my self-confidence,..” Your eight points are right on. We do need to face our fears to work through and find our confidence. We can only move forward when we are ready to shed the reins that hold us back. Thanks for a great post!
Dear Cathy, thank you so much – so lovely to see you here. “Shed the reins that hold us back.” Your articulation isn’t bad at all either
!! Thanks and big hugs.
I have given myself a deadline to set my inner giant free, I am very scared even if it is a while away. But I know I do not want to live my life just going through the motions because it is safe. IT IS BORING! So I will change my reality because it does not reflect who I am. Thank you for your inspirations, very happy I found your words. So thankful for them.
Have a lovely day:)
D
Dear Drizel, that’s a tough one- how did the deadline work out? I know what you mean about boring – safe is usually not exciting and too much comfort is very boring. You are most most welcome and if you want, join the “Confidence Building Series” by signing up on the top right corner, I am talking about awakening the inner giant a a lot.
Opps of course it was your writing. I thought I was at Arvind’s site because I got her via his tweet.
Awesome
Joseph
Thanks dear Joseph. Glad you enjoyed it.
Farnoosh,
This is an excellent post, and one I can relate to quite a bit. I’ve experienced many of the same “roadblocks” in my own life – fear, insecurity, doubt. I really like that you point out resistance to change as one of the reasons you weren’t getting where you wanted to be. I think individuals, and companies, can miss so many opportunities – and risk missing important warning signs of impending disaster – by failing to change the way they think. It’s like that Anthony Robbins quote “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
Dear Steve, we are never alone on that road are we? It’s really nice of you to share your own struggles. We can and do miss opportunities yes but you know what, we also grow and I really believe in the power of change. Oh I love Anthony Robbins. Thanks for stopping by and come back anytime!
{ 4 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }