There are days that I look at myself and wonder how – just how – I summoned this unabashed, undaunted, unstoppable soaring confidence to keep me the most loyal company day and night, rain or sunshine, good or bad days. How did I manage to quiet the constant chatter of those fears and insecurities and trade them in for the honesty, the inner peace and the true strength that is confidence.
If my confidence were a character in a play, it’d be Katherina, the headstrong, obdurate shrew in Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, …. except without the taming. My confidence is wild, indomitable, obstinate, and now that I have set it free, it will not take no for an answer!
I make no mistake about the transition that happened to me from last year when I was pulled into a foray of frenzy and doubt to now when I have become unstuck and unstoppable and have heaps of business success to validate my theory behind it all. The flow did not result from some fancy marketing class or business workshop or working with a coach or attending a conference – I know those all have enormous benefits; however, that was not the problem that was holding me back.
My problem can be summed up in two words: Insecurities and doubts, the resistance to change and to grow and to follow my heart, and I was not going to go anywhere as long as I chose to wake up to carry the heavy weight of those demons all day long every day.
So one day, I laid down this ridiculously heavy burden and decided to take my journey without them, and that’s the day that my confidence showed up. I’ve felt confident many times before in my life, it was not the first time by any means, but there was something very different in the quality of this confidence. I could tell, this time, it came to stay.
This time, I can’t tame or quiet my self-confidence, and I’ll tell you, the happiness and the inner peace that comes from living confidently is worth all the fake comfort and “security” that comes from living shackled to fear and doubt.
So how did it happen? What is my “secret”?
Honestly? Something incredible shifted a few months ago, and I awakened the giant that was sleeping deep within my layers of doubt, insecurity, fear, and low self-esteem and that giant is my self-confidence, and I want to teach you how to awaken your giant within – yes, I know that is the title of a Tony Robbins book which I have yet to read, but alas, it is the best analogy for a roaring self-confidence that has awakened from a long slumber.
One day, I decided to be brave and to have courage. Yes, big decisions do emerge in an instant. I decided to go through with my decisions and my actions even if the fear was going to paralyze me from head to toe – it did momentarily – even if my stomach would go wild with butterflies – every single time, baby! – even if I would make a complete, ridiculous fool of myself – at least a half dozen times, at least! – even if all those people whose opinions I worried about at the time thought me to be a silly, “lost, confused” soul – Well, I’ll never know, will I and that is precisely the point:)!.
I kid you not, that is all it took, an instant decision to be brave, to move through fear and come out on the other side and see for myself that I did not die – or even get badly hurt for that matter.
It was just enough already, you know? I just got sick and disgusted of being scared all the time, of being worried about making a mistake and always going with the safe and unappealing decisions or worse, doing nothing and just waiting by the side-lines. I got tired of seeing myself as small and had to shift my angle to start seeing what I can offer to the world as big.
A small vision will yield a small life, so change the vision, my dear. Change it fast!
Being chained to comfort is over-rated. Comfort is when you stay with what you know, and what you believe to be safe. I believe it is worse to rot in comfort than to thrive in pain. So I chose to thrive.
I am in love with pain now. We are in a bit of a love affair, me and pain – pain in the form of honesty, letting go of what doesn’t work even if it scares you to pieces, saying no with poise, asking for what you are worth and getting it, pushing boundaries, taking risks, changing things up, shaking up a routine, expanding the business, not compromising your integrity, doing what you’ve never done before if that’s what you wanna do and kicking complacency out of sight for good.
There is one more thing that I need to admit here. It is the willingness to lose it all. It is the complete detachment from all that you have built in order to be able to set yourself free. It is called a risk, and it can go terribly wrong or it can transform your life forever. I decided to take risks, and really embrace uncertainty – not just in words but in deeds.
I know, you have doubts that this will work for you, and you probably eye me as some exceptional “super brave” case, and already have decided that you are different, and this won’t apply to you. I know precisely the emotion you are experiencing, and I also know I can’t ask you to just turn it off. That’s fine. All I want you to do is to keep reading, because I know for a fact that you can awaken your giant within and these 8 starter tips may just help nudge him from his slumber, and that alone will be worth your while for a very long time.
8 Start Tips to Trade In your Insecurity and Doubts for Self-Confidence:
1. Believe that you can overcome them. Every day, tell yourself yes you can. Believing comes first.
2. Remember one instant when you took a chance, when you went through your fear and did something you wanted. Bring that feeling to life.
3. Find a role model, someone that you can relate to, someone who was scared even more than you and somehow, found a way to not be so anymore.
4. Forgive yourself for holding on to doubts and the insecurities. Let the guilt dissolve and focus on going forward only now.
5. Release the resistance to change because it is futile, and don’t dramatize it. Just let things happen. Let great things happen!
6. Accept that what comes in place of fear and insecurity can fill you up, bring you peace of mind, and even happiness. It’s an empowering thought.
7. Start small by going through one tiny, insecurity or fear, by consciously choosing to only focus on that one as an experiment and see what happens. The risk is minimal and the reward, well, I’ll let you find out.
8. Know that you can always go back, in that, if self-confidence just doesn’t work out for you, you can always break up with it and your fears and insecurities will take you back in a hot minute, I guarantee it.
So won’t you at least give self-confidence a chance?
Photography by Prolific Living and on location in New Zealand – Christchurch to be precise, two days after the December 2011 pre-Xmas earthquakes. The trees stood their ground. Would you stand yours in an earthquake of doubt and insecurity?
Use Your Inner Powers
Bonus: 21-Step Confidence Building Series