Why some couples never argue while the rest of us … well … do?
Some couples never ever argue.
Some couples are in-tuned to each other’s temperaments At All Times. They escape the usual disagreements and misunderstandings that plague the rest of us. They float in a space of complete zen and bliss.
They are patient with each other even as their emotions fluctuate or as their opinions clash.
They are kind and collected even as they move on wildly different planes of opinion and thought. They listen to one another with their whole hearts and they never, ever raise their voices.
They are not a fairy tale couple – they do exist – even though they perfectly match the Prince and Princess profiles of a Disney movie.
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Is it good to never argue? The old me used to think that couples who never argue are not really communicating or opening up to each other. And once in a while, a perfectly calm relationship may be due to lack of real communication, but after paying a lot more attention, I believe the opposite is true:
Peaceful relationships are the result of true communication, true listening, and true love that rises above all else between two people.
But how on earth do you actually do it?
How do two unique people, each equipped with their own authentic personality, preferences, opinions, and likes & dislikes go through a lifetime commitment such as marriage without arguing some of the time and without at least some of it being downright desperate and heart-wrenching?
How is it even possible to create and maintain a strong healthy long-term relationship without hitting those bumps?
Well, it is possible and not just for the Disney couple either. The distinction is this: You will hit bumps. You will have disagreements. You will have differences of opinion, thought and approach. But you can do it all WITHOUT arguing.
After years of being a victim of my own self-inflicted endless debates and painful fights, after trying several approaches to having “healthy rational discussions” – none of which worked for me by the way – I discovered a ridiculously simple solution to a peaceful argument-free relationships that has finally freed me from my own prison.
Are you going to stay in your own prison or free yourself?
Do you want to free yourself from the prison of unhappiness and desperation brought on by arguments, provided you have a good partner and a good thing going together? Because no mistake about it: It IS a prison that YOU create yourself. And it takes a conscious choice to step out of it.
Now if you are in an abusive or wrong relationship, then you need to end it fast and recover from the experience. This post does not apply to you.
The good news? No matter who you are, you can learn how to stop arguing with your sweetie. If I’ve done it, there’s hope for the most hopeless out there, trust me.
Imagine for a moment what it would feel like to never argue, never have to raise your voice and defend yourself, never have to scream why you are right and never blame the other person.
Imagine if you could get rid of all the toxic, cancerous, humiliating feelings that follow an argument and embrace healthy, peaceful loving conversations even if you disagree with one another.
Imagine if you did all this not by submitting to the other person nor by giving up, but rather by maintaining your position, by communicating your authentic thoughts and by feeling heard, validated and understood every single time.
So decide right now to free yourself from the prison, so I can proceed to tell you just HOW!
The slight problem with being both lovable and stubborn
For the first time in 12 years of my marriage, I feel certain in my heart that this peaceful loving atmosphere that my discovery has created is here to stay. The joy is palpable.
You see, I’ve not exactly been the most easy person to get along with.
I’ve always been opinionated (on just about everything), strong-willed, stubborn beyond hope, determined, and adamant about my way of doing things. I was impossible to deal with when I was younger. Over the years, I’ve mellowed and learned to see the wisdom of an outside perspective – specifically my husband – and come to even love it but still, even that doesn’t melt away the possibility of arguments just yet.
Complication factor: Did I mention that my hubby and I became full-time entrepreneurs after we escaped the corporate life – which I show YOU how to do in Smart Exit Blueprint course – and that we live together, work together on our businesses, travel together and play together? It gets interesting but the goal of a relationship is not to be interesting. The goal is to be peaceful, loving, joyful and happy. If that sounds like a corny cliche, I frankly don’t give a damn, because I want it and the truth is, I want it more than I want to be right.
Have you noticed how the desire to be right often ruins all hope for peace and serenity? And who cares anyway if you are right 100% of the time in your arguments when in the end, you have done nothing but made yourself completely miserable?
For me, it’s never been easy to let things be just as they are. It’s never been easy to let something go without beating it to death or proving myself right or proving him wrong. Even though, I feel endless love for my husband, I’ve always struggled with this letting go and letting be.
So naturally, it attracted countless arguments into our marriage for over a decade …. until recently.
Recently, I hit a very – read VERY – low point, and in that moment, I saw all the answers to my flawed approach and exactly what I need to do to heal our relationship and to be happy together forever – exactly as the song goes.
Ever since that point, it has been easy as a summer breeze to maintain peace – sweet loving peace – with my husband and it doesn’t matter if all is peachy or if we have strongly divergent opinions on a topic, the peace remains as we work through the issues.
Want to Create an Argument-Free Relationship for Life? Here’s How.
If you really – I mean really! – want a peaceful, loving, joyful and happy relationship as a couple, if you want to learn how to stop arguing for good, then the first step is to admit this desire loud and clear to yourself and to your significant other. That’s the easy step.
The next step is the game changer and the cure to ending arguments: You have got to KILL OFF your ego.
That’s it. That’s the big cure that works every single time. You cannot take your giant ego into a peaceful loving relationship. It Simply Doesn’t Work.
Either the ego goes or any chance of happy peaceful loving relationship goes. The choice, sweet darling, is yours and yours alone.
The sooner you get this, the quicker your glorious life will begin to unfold before you. And you want that, don’t you? Don’t You? I know you do …
Your ego wants the opposite of what makes you happy.
Here’s everything that is wrong with your ego and everything that begins to happen when you KILL OFF your ego in your relationship and tune into your heart and soul:
1. Your ego wants to be right. You want to be happy.
2. Your ego wants to blame someone. You want to get rid of blame and replace it with compassion.
3. Your ego wants to “show the other person”. You want to show the other person love and kindness.
4. Your ego wants to make you feel more important in a relationship. You want to make the other person feel important.
5. Your ego wants to make you stand on a podium and preach. You want to sit at a table next to your significant other.
6. Your ego wants loud justification. You want peace, love and serenity.
7. Your ego mocks happiness as a “fluffy” pursuit. You take your happiness and that of your significant other pretty darn seriously.
8. Your ego does not care about your heart. You want to follow and listen to your heart.
9. Your ego wants to rule the relationship. You want to be an equal partner in the relationship.
10. Your ego cares only about yourself. You care about the other person as much as about yourself.
11. Your ego wants to be right. You want to be happy. (Yes I do realize I am repeating this last line from the first line but it’s that important to remember!!!)
So next time you feel your muscles tensing up, your beautiful smile fading away, and your anger resurfacing, remember that it’s not the real you because you are a perfectly lovable and loving soul, it is your ego that has come back to ruin the peace. The only question is this; Are you going to let it?