Ever confuse love with right advice?
Just because someone loves you does not mean they are able to always give you the right advice, but we confuse the two all the time.
There’s no doubt about the good intentions of your loved ones but they can’t possibly know what’s best for you. Only you have the key to that lock, the secret to that happiness, and the answer to that question.
But here’s what happens in reality. You grow attached to your loved ones, you get influenced by the opinion of your friends and family without realizing it, and you feel compelled to seek their advice in everything you do.
And when that advice goes against your own inner compass, and you are afraid to do what you feel is right for you, then you feel the rise of guilt, anger, frustration, shame, and all their cousins!
You are torn between listening to the advice and letting others decide for you versus following your inner voice.
Well, nobody knows the right answer whether you should finish college, quit your job, take up skiing, start a family or move to Colorado. Nobody in the world but you.
So to work up the courage to listen to your inner voice, take note of these 8 emotions that you must stop carrying to free yourself:
Emotion #1: Guilt
The most powerful weapon that people use to hold you back is guilt. They make you feel guilty that you are not grateful for all they have done for you. Guilt slips into your mind and body without making a sound, and it stays there until you take specific action to get rid of it.
Solution: When you feel guilty, examine the root cause of it first. Are you truly being ungrateful or just being curious about what you want?
When you see that guilt is guiding your decisions, pause. Guilt is often the child of jealousy and the best way to deal with it is with loving firmness.
Express your gratitude to your loved ones. Clarify that you mean no disrespect to anyone but also tell them you mean to live your own life, make your own mistakes and discover your own happiness.
Emotion #2: Shame
When you are not making your loved ones proud by your choices, you feel shame. You are ashamed that becoming a writer or an entrepreneur does not define success. You are ashamed that your choices put them in an awkward or embarrassing position. You fear shame in the eyes of your culture or in the circles that you run.
Solution: You are your own guiding light, and the only time you should feel shame is when you believe in your heart that your choice is a shameful one.
If your choice aligns with your values, don’t be ashamed. Be delighted. Learn to recognize when others use shame to hold you back, and gently stand up to it. Appreciate their opinions, but focus on how your choice aligns with your values.
Emotion #3: Dissuasion
You have heard so much about what can go wrong from the worries and fears of those around you that you feel totally dissuaded from pursuing your goals. You are drained of all motivation you initially had, and even if you still want your goal, you lose excitement and willingness to go after it.
Solution: Dissuasion is a sign that you have bought into the lies. Before you share your dreams and desires with anyone, establish a mental boundary which nobody can cross. Imagine an invisible fence that keeps your dreams from getting tainted. Take advice, listen with compassion, be nice but always guard your dreams.
Emotion #4: Self-sabotage
This is when you behave in a way that sabotages your chances of accomplishing your dreams. You may do this to please those who are holding you back. So you kill opportunities and mess up on purpose so you can justify being held back. You become your own worst enemy.
Solution: The healing of self-sabotage starts with love and acceptance. Self-love pulls you out of this darkness. Start caring about yourself and nurturing your goals. This is the only path to breaking free of self-sabotage.
Emotion #5: Complacency
You have gone into this phase when you lose all passion for your dreams, and accept to live your life on someone else’s terms. You lose your desire to do the extraordinary or to push yourself. You walk the path of least resistance.
Solution: There is no gentle way to come out of complacency. You have to kick it in the gut and throw it over the cliff in one swift move.
Be very very afraid of complacency. If you feel the signs, set an immediate challenge that pulls you way out of your comfort zone, and don’t be surprised if it makes the people around you uncomfortable. Your focus here is you and you alone.
Emotion #6: Resentment
You get resentful when you hear the well-intended advice, but do nothing about it like discuss it with those who hold you back. Instead you lash out at someone else or at yourself. Or you keep it hidden but feel it anyway. It’s ugly either way.
Solution: You need an outlet and a healing path for resentment. It’s been building up because you have let others hold you back. Naturally, you hate them for it but you are still too nice to blaze your own trail. It’s time to stop it. Look at the root cause of your resentment. Identify it first. You want to love what you do. Melt resentment with love.
Emotion #7: Denial
When you deny your true desires and dismiss them with excuses such as it’s too late or too unrealistic, you need to snap back into reality pronto. This happens when others repeatedly hold you back and you, my dear, allow it, to the point that you deny you ever dreamt your dreams in the first place!
Solution: Facing denial is painful for the ego. You have to tell yourself a different story now, the true version this time. It takes a lot of self-growth and raw honesty.
Forgive yourself for the denial, and start telling yourself the truth little by little again about what you really want. When you get clear about your goals again, you are rid of denial.
Emotion #8: Depression
The deepest stage of being held back by others is when you begin to sink into depression. You’ve let your dreams turn to shadows that come haunting you in lonely moments, and you feel depressed and helpless. Yet, you can’t shake the power that others dictate over you.
Solution: Depression is nothing to joke about. It can be anywhere from mild to serious and you need professional help to deal with it but you can recognize it on your own to begin the healing process. Know that depression is not permanent and there is cure for it. It’s not too late to turn your ship around. Take baby steps out of depression by letting self-worth and self-confidence gently pull you out.
Guard yourself against these 8 emotions and the heavy weight of them on your shoulder. Use meditation and grounding to understand your emotions better. Choose to stop carrying them one at a time, and you will be able to free yourself to pursue your ideal life.
Have these emotions played a part in your self-growth and pursuits of life goals? Talk to me in the comments.
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