Starting over is a scary prospect. Our human nature wants to move forward, one foot in front of the other and off we go. We want to blaze trails. We want to climb mountains. We want to sail the seas. We want to fly the skies. And we intend to climb up not down the ladders in our careers and move up not down the financial scale in society.
So by nature, starting over does not appeal to any of us. Least of all to me! I should know, even though I was spared the brunt of the situation because I was just a kid. My Dad was 40 and my mom in her early 30s when we left Iran for an initial 2-week vacation to Turkey that turned out to be a “vacation” of a lifetime. My parents left everything behind. When they closed the door to our beloved sweet home at 13 Lida Street in Tehran, they had no idea that they were closing the door to a chapter of our lives that we will forever reminisce.
I watched them over the years as they rebuilt our life and I am immensely proud of their courage to leave one life behind in order to start another, so that we could live in a free country and have opportunities we never would have seen in Iran. Yet reality bites, and the road to stability and financial comfort was not a fun one, and someday, I will chronicle every detail of this journey in a book but for now, suffice it to say that I never became a fan of starting over. It was all about forging ahead, moving up and up in the world, and doing it as fast as I could.
Except, well, until I became so disillusioned with my career in Corporate America that even this great fear – the fear of starting over, the fear of going back to zero, if in nothing else then definitely in income, and doing so not in my 20s but well into my 30s, even that fear paled in comparison to the risks and rewards of starting over.
Starting over now meant I can have a chance at real success and true happiness and I was willing to do it.
Sometimes, we climb the wrong ladder. Sometimes, we get stuck in the wrong “successful” career. Sometimes, we find ourselves miserable in a “rich” lifestyle. Or in the case of my family, sometimes we get stuck in the wrong country at the wrong time in history. It Happens. And it is NOT your fault.
Stop blaming yourself for feeling miserable when you “should” be happy and grateful. Gratitude has nothing to do with your heart’s emptiness and with your own questioning of whether you made the right choices. Stop confusing the two and for what may be the first time in your life, open your ears and listen to your heart’s whisper. What is it telling you now that nothing you have tried is filling you with inner peace? What does it want you to do so you can feel free to do work that you can find meaningful and rewarding?
No one plans for these forks in the road. No one anticipates a midlife career crisis – that’s for the other people who are lost and confused but not us – and no one looks for the day when you wake up and feel you simply can’t do it anymore. No one is prepared for it and hardly anyone wants to deal with it. The easy way now is to go on ignoring the feeling and paying the price later. The hard way is to listen to yourself and to start over.
Well, I have news for you. Starting over won’t kill you. It will make you stronger, and you will wonder why you did not do this sooner because if you really think about it, time is all you got, and when you feel the urge to leave something and start something else, waiting only kills more of your most precious resource: time, and yet waiting is what most ends up doing, only to end up in an unhappier place down the road.
Starting over asks for commitment and courage. You need to spend the time to build your new skills, and you need to understand that it doesn’t happen overnight.
If you want to start a career in finance, you don’t need to know everything about pension annuities details on day 1. If you want to take care of little animals in a shelter, you are not going to be responsible for their every need from day 1. If you want to become a speaker, you are not expected to speak before a room full of people right off the bat. You build skills over time, and yet time passes and you grow and when you are doing what you love, when your heart sings and your soul feels liberated to do work that it believes in, then you won’t mind so much putting in the hours and rebuilding your dream. This time, you know that you are on the right path. You know you are climbing the right ladder, walking down the right path, and following the right signals.
Starting over today will pay handsomely tomorrow.
Why do we hesitate to start over? Or rather, why are we terrified of it? Naturally because we wonder if it’s too late. If we are too old and if our golden window of opportunity has long since closed.
Rubbish, stop lying to yourself.
You are still alive, aren’t you? You are still breathing and moving, right? You can still dream and believe, can’t you? Then I wouldn’t be in such a hurry to join the living dead. I would be in a hurry to start living and if that means starting over, then so be it.
Start over now. It is NOT too late for you to start a new career now but don’t wait longer either because tomorrow, you will wish you had started yesterday.
So believe me when I tell you that your life is too important to waste doing something you don’t enjoy – or dread – and no, it is not too late to start a new career. Just don’t wait any longer! And if you need more of tough love and guidance, get FREE career tips on how to do this by signing up below:
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{ 30 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
What I love about this post is that you are helping people see that “YES” starting over seems to suck. BUT, once you realize that you are unfulfilled at what you do (and it’s only going to get worse), then you understand that what you do is really no longer an option if you want a life with happiness. So, the choice is to swallow the pill you fear today and U-turn or swallow the pill you dread for the rest of your life. That’s an Aha moment that makes the choice easier. Living in an unhappier place with this one life is not worth it.
Leon, dear friend, so glad to see you here. Yes it is not the easiest thing to do at all but when we are faced with those painful choices, the worst thing is to do nothing and continue with the misery of the current road just because we invested time and effort into it….in this case, a long career. Thank you so much for reading and for adding insight to the post.
As always, another inspiring post that seemed to be directly talking about and to me.
Thank you Farnoosh! When I made the decision to quit my job, the fear of regretting that that I didn’t try outweighed the fear of uncertainty and instability. “I’m young,” they said, “you can do all the things that you want when you’re older.”
Rubbish. “I’m young and that’s exactly why I need to do this NOW!!!”
Glori, we must be on the same frequency lately ….. maybe you can even tell me what to write about on my next post?
)
), I did not think that way and I was brainwashed by what I heard from others – now I know exactly what I want, and it seems, my dear, SO DO YOU! Keep it up. Thank you for your bright presence here.
That’s a very smart way to think of it, and I have to tell you that when I was young (or younger I should say
Farnoosh! As soon as I saw the title I knew this would be a you-and-me-sitting-across-the-table-over-a-cup-of-coffee kind of post.
“No one is prepared for it and hardly anyone wants to deal with it.” Oh my gosh. It’s so “easy” to blame self (or others), live in regret, feel beat down, say “what’s the use in changing at this point?” all too often disguised as fear. Fear of what you say is “The Hard Way”.
Heck, I think I thought most of those just this morning!
“Starting over asks for commitment and courage.” Totally. I sat in the gray area called “maybe” for the last 6 months or so. But nothing happened until I MADE a decision.
I’ve done design/marketing for 15 years. But I’m choosing a different path (now, in my early 50′s). One that holds more meaning and purpose, for me. I started volunteering just yesterday! It’s in career counseling and potentially voc rehab/training/teaching. I’d done something along these lines years ago and have missed it. So I’m just sticking my toe in the water to build skills, meet others and open doors. And you know what I discovered in one day?
There are others who are far older than I who are starting over and pursuing their dreams.
I’m already seeing this: “Starting over today will pay handsomely tomorrow.” In far more ways than financial, of course.
Now, I just need to watch out for this one: “…and you will wonder why you did not do this sooner….”
Thank you for the “cheerleading” session!!!
Dear Garry, you are so set up for success. You will come back here to this comment 6 months from now and will have more to share with me and it will all be very good. You are SO so welcome. I really have felt every single emotion here so I know how you feel and Garry, when you decide and when you put that conviction into your business and your decisions, things will happen. Come back here and update me often. Sending you heaps of good vibes!
Hi Farnoosh,
I completely agree with this article. You can and should change your career anytime it is no longer working for you. Since I entered the working world, I have always done work that I love, pretty much on my own terms as far as flexibility. And if it any point the work became something that I no longer enjoyed or grew out of, I would move on. I knew very early on that I was not going to work 40 hours a week behind a desk, doing a job that I hated and I made it happen and continue to make it happen.
It is like that quote by Harvey MacKay: “Find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”
Lisa, GOOD FOR YOU to be doing work that you love on your own terms. That is still so refreshing even though I am doing that and I am meeting more and more people who are doing that.
Love that quote – have heard it before but never tire of hearing it again. You are the living proof and recently, so am I
! Thank you so much for sharing!
Hi Farnoosh,
Thank you for another great post!
When I was a teenager, I watched my mother go back to school to get a degree in Music Therapy. I then watched as she took a job in a Psychiatric Ward as part of a creative arts team. She loved it! And even though I didn’t realize it at the time, she was teaching me a valuable lesson: It’s never too late to do something new.
My mom took up the harp in her sixties, and went to play in hospitals for people who were dying. She loved it, and so did her patients.
I recently started school again – I’m working toward my ministerial degree with the Centers for Spiritual Living. I feel like I’m finally engaged in something that’s totally in alignment for me. And I just turned 50.
I like that you remind us that starting over can be hard. But that doesn’t mean we can’t do it!
Here’s to change!!
Cheers,
Z
That’s a FANTASTIC story, Z, but may I say that I just chocked on my tea when you said you turned 50 because I pictured you around 25 and a baby? I hope that comes across as a huge compliment and WOW – I have so so much to look forward to….. You are amazing!! And your mother even more amazing!! Indeed a beautiful story and I feel so inspired by you both. Feeling so blessed to have you as a reader, Z, thank you.
Great post Farnoosh! Starting over isn’t easy but it’ s possible!
Dear Sylvia, I was just wondering about you, my dear. It’s not easy but if you have support and take the right steps, it can be done, and as you know, I am one of your biggest fans!!!
I believe it is too late to start over when you are laying on your death bed. Other than that no one really know’s how much time they have left in this world so why not try? Even if you only have a couple of years doing something that you love to do its better than no time at all doing it.
Yes that is obviously too late, Katherine
)!
Thanks for your insight and for sharing the inspiration! Even 2 years can lead to many fruitful results.
Hi Farnoosh. I really enjoy your posts. It’s really heart warming to read this “No, it’s not easy. But it might be considered to start over again, start something new”! It’s all about getting out of the comfort zone – and learn and grow and be happy (again) with what you do. Nevertheless, it IS a challenge. It’s a challenge to get heard, find customers, let family and friends know it is fine what I’m doing. But it’s fun
Hi dear Andrea, welcome back! Oh I did not realize you blog in German (or Dutch, you must forgive my huge ignorance here) – Are there a lot of blogs in European languages? I wonder. That’s GREAT to see. And as for this topic, and your comments, I am So glad you find my writing here useful. You are taking all the steps that I am taking, with a lot of guts and courage, right?
Keep at it. Believe in yourself. Everything will work out great, Andrea. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Haha, that’s German, yes
I think the American / English speaking blogs are huge. But there are a few influential German bloggers out there too. It’s growing.
Thanks for your encouragement!
agreed. that’s all i need to say
Noch Noch
Yes yes, we both understand that, although you are just a baby yourself.
)!
Very inspiring post, I took a decision to change my career, to respond to my only son Emmanuel, a down syndrome child and within a year’s time he passed away because of bronchial pneumonia, so I was left with nothing, for I made every change in my life keeping him in my mind, and he is no more.
So starting all over again was difficult, and I did not know what to do, and I am happy I found an opportunity to contribute my time as a part time counselor for a university, through one of my friends that lead into something that I enjoyed, helping students and while I listened to their problems I felt so much less pain for my own problems.
I also found a swimming pool in the university, and I had always loved to swim, and after a span of 25 years I got into the pool to start all over again to learn to swim at 5o, and I learnt to swim within a month’s time and still continue to swim, which has done a lot of good to me. I was able to cope the loss of my son, and also been able to take care of myself and my family.
Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading your post !
Dear Angela, I am terribly sorry for not responding to this comment sooner – it slipped through ….. I am deeply saddened by this story – it must be so difficult…. The phenomena you talk about, when we hear the problems of others, it lessens those of our own, is a powerful one. Oh and to get back into swimming, I am very proud of you. I wish you much peace and health and healing. Thanks for sharing your words here. Forgive my delay in responding.
That post was just what I needed!!!
I have been a chef for 25 years and am very good at it. Great career but about 5 years ago my passion started waning. I was bored at work and thought it was the job at first so I changed jobs. After changing jobs a few times over the next few years (I didn’t keep a job down for more than a year) I realized maybe the problem was me.
After fighting my feelings (after 25 years of a very successful career) it was very hard to let go.
At first I was confused about what I was feeling, then I was in denial and then anger kicked in because I had my life mapped out.
I have finally accepted its time to let it go and stop feeling guilty and angry. I still get mad at times but am working to move on. I’m not exactly sure what I want to do but I’m working on it.
At the end of the day who says your life has to go as you planned and who says your new career can’t be better. Starting over at 41 both career wise and financially wasn’t the plan but I’m debt free, have total freedom and i can do what I want
Thanks again for this post
Dear Curt, we talked via email but just coming by to reply to this email and wish you the very best in your journey ….. Thank you again for sharing your career and the emotional path that you have traveled along it. Starting over takes a lot of courage and you obviously have it
!
Thanks so much. This info came at the right time. 8 years in I thought I was doomed. Amazing what a few words can do!
Jaggy, so glad so glad. You are NOT doomed not even after a longer time but at least now you have awareness so what’s next? Take action and start over. All the very best as you do that.
It’s me again !! You write from your heart and I love your simple easy to understand English. I liked the stop blaming bit …I did that myself. I realized we blame ourselves for not achieving our potential. We use facebook a lot and I am sure there are million techies like me who, when they started using facebook must have thought I could have built facebook myself and why didn’t I think of this before…but we did not, neither did the global I.T. companies like IBM, Microsoft, because we were used to work in the mediocre corporate world where new ideas and ways of working are not entertained unless someone else does it and proves that is a success……Marc Zuckerberg proved that we don’t have to wear a suit to build a dream.
Thanks for your lovely inspirational post Farnoosh !
Hi Sudhir, the way it has always been is not the only way and this is very good to observe especially as a technical person. I have had to do that because all my background was in the techie world and it turns out that even us techies are allowed to be creative.
Keep pursuing your own path, Sudhir, and keep coming back here. Love to hear your comments.
Thanks Farnoosh …I will …I know you love photography…I wanted to share my photography page on Facebook and I know you don’t like links posted here… Where shall I share the link ?
Hi Farnoosh,…
I couldn’t comment on your post
100 Positive Affirmations to Carry You Through Life
I am doing counselling to let go off the past ..have another session…what I am saying to myself is I forgive myself in the highest and best interest and I am wise enough to act on my highest and best interest..
I just started 10 days back…I have begun to open up and interact with people…. I had gone into a shell after the abuse at work and social rejection…
I will read all the affirmations you mentioned…Take Care..
Sorry I had accidentally closed comments – now fixed: 100 Affirmations. I hear you I really do and affirmations help also check out my latest podcast on this topic: Affirmations and Blurts which is a new technique I am using with myself and my clients and works much better than just affirmations. If you ever wanna do a coaching consult to talk about this and work through it with me, it’d be my pleasure, Sudhir. Take care and be confident.
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