Welcome back to Episode #45 of The Daily Interaction podcast. Today’s topic is on Episode 45 – When, Why and How to Say No. So many of us struggle with saying no and it is essential, it is imperative, it is beyond necessary for us to know precisely how to do this and do it well, and without guilt and without leaving a bad impression behind. That’s a tall order, is it not?
So how do you say no? You know, the opposite of Yes! I want to help you understand the importance of saying no, and teach you why to always respect your two limited resources: your time and your energy. I also want to help you understand why you need to say no and what you are compromising when you always say yes by default, despite your hesitation to so.
Saying no is not confrontational. It is not about clashing with the other person or causing a scene. You are not going to start a war or get into Boundary Disputes with your clients, partners, customers, family, friends or peeps. You are simply having a conversation and offering your availability, willingness and engagement in a fresh new way, and this new way is truly aligned to who you are and what you value. Are you now ready to get started?
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Your Weekly Friday Show Notes:
1.The compelling number one reason for you to say no when you are faced with something you don’t particularly want to do, and what exactly happens when you give in and end up saying yes out of guilt or pressure.
2. How to create a personal boundary system and put every opportunity and request that comes your way through a filter, and how to decide with confidence what is the best response for that opportunity first and foremost, for YOU!
3. The first filter is to ask yourself: Is this a resounding yes? If it is not a yes to which you want to jump up and down, then the real answer is a no. I warn you that this is a brutally honest test so be prepared for discovering things you may not like at first.
4. Why it’s important to be selfish and to set boundaries and how that alone helps you serve very best to the world.
5. How you don’t need to use the word “no” when you say no or turn down an offer and I teach you how to do this.
6. The bigger benefit of saying no and how it makes you more prepared and stronger to accept and receive a no.
7. The brilliance of learning to have a policy and establish proactive no in your system. For you. As a person. And why you need to be crystal clear about it.
8. How to show your compassion and sincerity while still showing your priorities and how that actually leads to a more trust-worthy relationship.
9. What to NOT ever do – avoiding a reply altogether is rude, unprofessional, and shows you to be nothing more than a coward. Don’t assume people just “get it”. Learn to work up the courage to say no professionally and politely.
10. How to say NO to your boss confidently and not arrogantly, how to be on equal footing with your management, and how to communicate it so you get what you want (check out Episode 6 for more juicy details). I give you a step-by-step example on how to professionally turn down a boss’s request.
What Can You Do to Show Your Love
My Sweet TDI Peeps: This was the 45th episode – that is 45 weeks, 7 weeks short of a year, in a row without missing a beat. Are you still enjoying the podcast? Will you miss it if I quit doing them?? Just kidding and making sure you are reading what I write here! And remember, the best way to show your love is by doing an iTunes ranking, right? Until next time, I am blowing you a kiss for showing your love for the podcast!
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{ 18 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
Hi Farnoosh.
I’ve listened to your last 10 or 15 episodes as they have come out. I don’t really have any feedback, but just wanted to mention to you and other readers that I am one of your regular listeners.
Armen!! Hi my dear friend. How are you? Are you still blogging? What are you up to? It’s an immense pleasure to have you as a listener! If you love the show, you can spread the word by rating us on iTunes.
Now give me an update on how you’ve been. Less quiet I hope?
I’m doin’ fine over here. I represent the west coast of the United States and you handle the east coast of the United States, and the nation should be just fine.
Sometimes I’m quiet and sometimes I’m the loudest person in the room, but usually not much in the middle of those.
I continue to write on my site at times.
You are making a big difference for a lot of people I see commenting here Farnoosh, so now instead of people being able to call you selfish for writing your thoughts and going your own way, they will only be able to call you selfish if you stopped writing and helping people.
Yes, we got both coasts covered – too funny!!!
And I see you still have your unique writing voice intact. Glad to hear from you, Armen. I really hope we meet up in LA at some point. Take good care and keep writing.
In a recent article that I wrote, I emphasize how important it is for introvert to learn the “art of saying NO” without feeling any sense of guilt. This is important for us in many situations when we’re asked to go somewhere that we do not want to. Of course, this is not to say we should say no to every invite. But when we need our “recharge time” I believe we should have the guilt-free right to say “No I can’t.”
I hope many other introverts will read this! I’ll be sure to tell some of my own readers.
Thank you!
Hi dear Glori,
That’s a great perspective – it is even harder for introverts to face confrontation – because that’s how we think of no, even though it is rarely so! And guilt – tell me about it – I talk about that in the podcast. Thank you thank you so much for being here and for sharing the message!
Hello Farnoosh!
I just came back to this post as little update on my “quit my job” plan. (I commented on one of your posts regarding it in the past.)
I’m really doing it now. Last day is on the 15th.
My mom supports my decision and I plan to spend the next months pursuing freelance writing. It’s scary and it’s not comfortable. But I feel that its something that I need in order to grow. I keep thinking that i am going to hate myself more if I don’t try. ( I actually wrote about it on my blog.)
Thanks for the inspiring and encouraging words.
Oh I remember that comment you left a while ago. Do you mean in 2 weeks you quit, Glori? It better be scary – otherwise, you are not human
!! Don’t worry you won’t miss it, especially if it’s really not the right place for you – and you won’t miss it no matter what the road ahead holds for you. Keep me posted! Best of luck and chin up, you’ll be much better off doing what you love….!
Hi Farnoosh; another excellent podcast. I especially liked when you included how to say no to your boss. and sometimes we do say yes for things that don’t bring a financial reward. I have listed items for groups for free because I believed in their cause for selling. One was a boy scout group needing to sell a antique popcorn machine that was too big for them and another is a school in wisconsin needing to sell a pedal carousel to buy new supplies. I also did an appraisal for a family where the daughter and her husband wanted to buy the business from their family so their parents could retire. Their bank needed someone to do it. I felt like doing it would generate good will and not taking a fee leaves me open to fewer legal problems. the one where i really had trouble saying no was when a park management company came to me with several pieces of equipment. They own and manage seven small parks in the southeast. I was flattered of course. They agreed to my terms and we got started. After a couple of weeks, I learned that there were several layers of management and that not all of them agreed on how i should be paid. I told my contact that I didn’t feel like I was being respected and that I would have to discontinue working for them. we stopped for a couple of weeks. then my contact spoke with the head of the company. He called me to explain and asked me to go back to work on the project. The bottom line for me is if you don’t feel you can trust the people who made the offer, then you have an obligation to say no. You are right about having policies. they help me avoid saying no a lot because people know what they are up front. When i do have to say no, my favorite is to say that I appreciate the opportunity but after discussing it with my family I’ve decided that I will just have to pass. Like i said a very good explanation on the importance of saying no and some great strategies on how to do it. take care, max
Max, Max, these are brilliant tips!! I do use the phrase I will need to discuss it over with my business partner – which is my hubby – and it is such a nice way to buy some time BUT it’s so important to go back and say that after discussing it, we are just not able to do it, or something to that effect that says no in a not so harsh way.
You have a big heart – thanks for sharing all the instances when you shared your gifts without asking to be paid…. I have done it on occasion, but I also know that it’s perfectly fine to be paid and to be paid top dollar if you are offering a lot of value. It is their way of really showing you that they respect and value what you did for them.
TRUST is key – If I don’t *FEEL* like I can trust someone, I don’t do business with them. I don’t even need proof. I’ve burnt myself for not following my intuition and here you even had proof in your situation. I hear you.
Great to have you here and THANK YOU for your invaluable message, dear Max!
Hi Farnoosh; What you said about not needing proof of trust or the lack of it is so important. The hardest thing to learn to do as a new business owner is to trust your instincts. smile And the times I have worked for free there has been a compelling reason. As someone who grew up in a family of carnival owners I can appreciate the difficulties of trying to get financing especially from a bank that doesn’t specialize in the industry. I may have saved them as much as 10 to 15 points on their annual interest rate by helping with that appraisal. I am one of the few blind eagle scouts, so listing the popcorn machine was an easy one. And the pedal carousel caught my interest. That plus the lady who contacted me has been so transparent in her appreciation of my efforts. What you say about getting paid is true, and I’m very mindful of that. One of the best things i ever did was to put the commission rates on my website and include them in any emails. If they don’t want to pay me now, they will darn sure not want to pay me later. That’s something my dad tried to teach my brother back when he was a show painter. He’s a talented air brush artist who like a lot of us had difficulty setting prices and sticking to them. But that’s another story. smile On a side note I’ve started checking out some of the recent posts of other commenters. And when i left a comment, i started by mentioning we both follow you. hope that is okay. Again a great post. I need to get some pointers from you on starting my own podcast if you have a reference or product you can recommend that would be greatly appreciated. take care, max
Hi dear Max, of course that’s ok – you can tell anyone else you “follow” me – *blush* – and yes, being upfront about payment is one of the best practices of medicine. Be strict about it. As for podcast, to be honest, the best resource is Podcast Answerman. Google him. Cliff can be an excellent resource on where to get started for podcasting. Tell him I sent ya!
Hi Farnoosh; thought it would be okay, but figured i better make sure. i emailed cliff, and he sent me a couple of links to tutorials on podcasting. and I’m now subscribed to two new blogs from interesting people that i met through your posts. take care, max
Max, guess what? I think the best thing for you would be to take Cliff’s podcasting class. I was talking to him yesterday and if you enter the code Prolific, he is giving $100 off his course to my readers and listeners. I learned everything I know about podcasting in Cliff’s class. Just go to PodcastingAtoZ and let him know I sent you via Prolific code. I’ll be talking more about this in the next few podcasts too.
HI Farnoosh! AWESOME post and podcast. Fun and inspired.
And, might I add, great audio equipment
No is such an important statement. It draws a boundary on your insides so that you don’t lose your vital energy.
There is only so much gas in the tank for each day. Do we want to use it toward our passion or do we want to drain it out on the dilemma around saying no?
If each statement is an affirmation, what are we affirming by saying yes to things we aren’t jumping up and down, excited about??
I love telling people to practice: No to you means yes to me
I love green juicing too! Kale, romaine, parsley and apple is a favorite of mine.
Robin, welcome back!!! Thank you so so much. I am hungry for feedback on the podcast so you have me so enthused. And then your recipe for a mean green juice – that’s delicious. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I think it’s safe to say we see eye to eye on this one
!
Just wanted to say thank you so much! I love your website. I saved it under ‘my favourites’ a while ago, and rediscovered your website today! It has definitely made my day!
You are very welcome, Jen. Come back often! And thank you!
{ 1 brilliant comment, Care to add another? }