Twice now I have heard this feedback – one from an email subscriber who shared it sadly as a reason for leaving my mailing list and another from my devoted client during our 1:1 coaching sessions:
“Feeling overwhelmed with self-improvement and personal development.”
Oh I can more than relate to these feelings; personal development bloggers feel this way too; if they don’t, they are not pushing the envelope hard enough. So today, I decided to bring it up and lay it on the table. This post should fare far better than the hasty replies I dispensed to these two dear people.
You want to improve your life, your habits, and your ways. Who doesn’t? You want to lose weight and gain friends. You want to travel smart and work even smarter. You want to set aside the habits that have crippled your advancement in life and accomplish your real goals and perhaps, even tap into your dreams. You want to improve upon your relationships and expand your social network. You want to be on top of technology and maybe even run a marathon (Your not-so-fit friend did it, why not you?). You want inner peace, quietude and preferably, a dash or two of spirituality. You want that next promotion, that big raise, that ideal partner, that beautiful baby, that cute dog, that gorgeous house (the one in my mind has an infinity swimming pool in the midst of a large garden), and naturally, you want that perfect life.
Ah self-improvement: thou art everywhere!
So really, how can you not to be overwhelmed with all of this?
One day, you woke up and realized you can be in control and you can take charge. You see that you can take back the reins and be more than a reaction to circumstance. You can swim to shore rather than just float around to see which way the waves push you. Now your goal is to live your best life and to be the best version of you to all the world around you.
Great realization, but now what? Well, you made big plans and bigger promises in your head but come to see that the execution of it all is overwhelming. All your new changes are good; all your plans will make your life better and bring you closer to your worthy goals. Except you get a little annoyed that instead of excitement and energy, you feel overwhelmed.
You feel overwhelmed from all the information and the ideas surrounding your self-improvement goals. So many related books! So many countless blogs! So many videos and podcasts! So many life coaches and experts dispensing advice! So many countless resources, ideas, methods, approaches and oh so little time on our hands!
Good heavens, enough already!
Prepare to defeat the overwhelming vibes around self-improvement!
Well, I can’t make your choices for you but I can offer you power tips to get things under control so you make the best decisions for yourself. Here are the most powerful five tips, which have always worked wonders for me:
1. Feel Supremely Fortunate for the Opportunities
First things first. Do you realize the miracles of the time and age in which you live? Can you imagine – really, close those gorgeous eyes and picture for a moment – living in the Dark Ages, the 1800s or even the 1980s again? Are you gasping yet? Think about what you would have to give up; how much of your life span would vanish into thin air and how many of these choices would be unimaginable states of existence. Bring that thought to mind if need be and let perspective move you out of “overwhelm” and into a grateful and energized state of being. You have choices, you have options, and you have opportunities before you. What a grand place to be!
2. Recognize How One Complements Another
All of self-improvement is interconnected like a silken spider web; every small change weaves a corner of this web and soon, they grow and become a visibly powerful yet subtle force in your life. Your better eating habits feed your health and enhance your energy for sports and exercise and dancing and yoga and the pursuit of new endeavors. Your calmer state of mind opens the door to clear thinking and soon, better productivity emerges in other areas of your life. Most of the self-improvement goals feed and build on each other, they are related, they are close friends, and they are neighbor wannabes. So take heart, because while you may think you are pursuing a million goals, in reality, you may be pursuing just one big goal – so delight in your small achievements with ease.
3. Reject the Thought of Being Overwhelmed
That stubborn mind should not rule the day. You should always feel in charge of your thoughts. You can choose being inspired over being overwhelmed. You can decide whether the success of someone else feeds you motivation or envy. You can also choose to shut the door to self-debilitating feelings. In fact, you can flat out reject the feeling. It takes practice, patience but it is priceless.
4. Choose What Matters Most Now
So yes, all these interconnected goals, how do you practically pursue them all, now that feelings of being overwhelmed are in the background of your mind? How do you choose what to pursue now and how many to do simultaneously?
Listen to this, I am dying to learn Photoshop in its nitty gritty details. I am also dying to take an art class – any art class will do – for a third year in a row. But I have decided to put those personal development goals in the “someday within next 5 years” category and choose the habits that I needed to develop immediately to sustain me. A clean vegan diet, early rising, daily meditation, cardio exercise along with yoga rank among my top priorities. I reinforce my habits in this circle over and over and I haven’t a doubt that this fusion brings me the energy to pursue other goals.
So do not deny your self-improvement goals but be selective about what to pursue now and what to do later. Choose smart and choose a few, maybe two, maximum three of your self-improvement goals. Go about them relentlessly and just watch how those benefits seep into other areas.
5. Fall in Love with your Goals
After you choose smartly and wisely and you set out to pursue your first two or three self-improvement goals, remember how strongly you feel about them and what pushed you initially to choose these particular top goals over countless others. This is your priority now. This is your starting point – even if you started before and got distracted or overwhelmed, it matters none – and being a fresh start, it requires a lot of attention and a whole lot of love.
In fact, go all out and fall in love with your goals. Fall in love with whatever you chose: a new way of eating, a new dance, a new sport, a new career, a new approach to lifestyle, a hobby, a passion, a new addition to your family or simply the goal of being happy with your place in life.
Love protects your goals and reminds you why you are doing what you do, where exactly you need to focus now, why you struggle to better yourself and how even the pursuit of something is a celebration in itself.
And the best part comes with your thoughts. Share those gems in the comments with us please!
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{ 50 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
Farnoosh,
These are great points. I relate, particularly, to #3: being in charge of my thoughts. I’ve realized that self-improvement happens over time, little by little. If I can just focus on doing one thing better today, then I will be a better person tomorrow. If I can make this my focus every day, then I will experience a tremendous amount of growth in my lifetime…and I will help others to experience growth as well.
Hi Michael, welcome here. I am always delighted to read comments by new readers. (I get to check out a new blog too
)!
One thing better per day – it adds up and the result is powerful, so your approach is smart and so easy on the body and mind. Can’t agree more. Thank you so much for sharing.
The most wonderful thing is that we get overwhelmed. If that doesn’t happen and we are always quite happy and alright with things we do, we may never discover the possibilities of something better. A fabulous idea.
Hi Jaky, it is a wonderful thing yes. It means we are pushing ourselves as ou said. Indeed! Thank you for dropping by.
Farnoosh, every now and then I find myself working too hard for too long. When that happens, I simply must slow down and re-evaluate my goals or the ways I go about their achievement. Body, mind and spirit can break down if pushed too far. As you said so well in this post, it is important for each of us to prioritise and pace our efforts.
Sometimes we also need to re-visit our goals and consider whether they continue to be relevant. When that relevance is confirmed yet again, I find that commitment to my goals is strengthened. Occasionally though, I find it is best to drop or modify a goal that has lost its relevance, or has turned out to be unrealistic.
I had not thought of commitment to a goal in terms of love, but I think I understand what you mean – after all, love is a form of commitment. I especially like your comment about the marvellous opportunities and choices available to us. Definitely, yes, there is much to be thankful for.
Oh… and I agree that PhotoShop skills are probably not a necessary priority for you. Those lovely creations of yours – your photos – are already wonderful.
Dearest Andrew, I don’t even know where to begin to answer your lovely and heart-felt comment…..Thank you for the comment on photography – actually, I have already used Photoshop on all the photos here but only on “kindergarten” level
! – You are just too kind. Glad the photos are a nice addition to the text.
You are so right in that some self-improvement goals just move to the background; our lives are full of shifts and changes and it’s only natural. It would be silly to continue doing something for the sake of doing, even if at some point it made sense so checking in with those goals periodically is the *best* advice you gave here. Thank you.
Oh and yes, falling in love with your goals and the idea of you improving over time to achieve them is powerful. Do try it if only for me?
Thanks for being here and sharing these thoughts.
Very fine article. One small issue–in point 2, Recognize How One Compliments Another, I believe the word you want is “complements.”
You are absolutely right! I knew something was not right with that. I thought they are spelled the same way (to flatter and also to go/match something else) but you are right. Fixed, and thanks so much for the shout-out!
This post reminded me of something Lou Holtz always said when he was the coach of Notre Dame, and after that when he would give self-improvement seminars. “WIN stands for: What’s Important Now” It is true.
Thanks for reminding me!
Dearest Barbara, I am crazy about good quotes and those sports coaches have one thing going for me (since I never watch sports….), the motivational quotes for teamwork and winning. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Farnoosh, you’ve laid out some good tips here.
For me, it’s about structure – structuring your time and your space and your energetic pathways to move you in desired directions, and ultimately, in the direction of your best, most enlightened self. These days, I find myself living and working within a matrix of my own creation, one that moves me forward consistently (even blissfully) without overwhelm.
I sense some resistance from you, however. Your third point, while well-intentioned, might better be phrased: “follow your bliss to embrace your ease so that overwhelm never really has a chance to come calling”. Rather than reject the feeling, bring your attention to it, welcome it, allow to it be until it dissolves into a smile and a sense of well-being.
Otherwise, you’ve made some good points here, which point us in a direction of boosting our positivity ratios and creating upward spirals of positivity.
Christopher
Christopher,
The yoga approach definitely: Acceptance of the negative feelings, acknowledging them, and then releasing them. One of my favorite philosophies but you are right in that I took a much firmer stance here toward “rejecting overwhelm” – I wanted to convey one thing: That we can control what comes in and out of our minds to the extend of how it affects us. Your softer, gentler approach is just as – if not more – effective so thank you for pointing it out. And for sharing your love for structure – how wonderful that you have found that ideal zone for yourself and one that I have no doubt share a lot with others….such as in here. Many thanks!
Glad you’re finding a way to make it work for you. I had to go cold turkey on personal development and have been actively distancing myself from any efforts at improvement at all in the last few months.
Farnoosh, I salute you.
Dear Matthew, welcome here. Well, taking a break is just fine. I think it’s wonderful that you acknowledged that and are just letting it take its course. I bet you will be back in action if those particular self-improvement goals can still serve you …. either way, respecting our heart’s calling. I salute you in return. Thanks for your comment, Matthew!
Feeling overwhelmed is a great time to narrow your focus. One goal, one habit, one task, at a time. Or just take a break! Today I was feeling overwhelmed and decided to just sit and do nothing for awhile. That felt great.
Dearest Galen, “great time to narrow your focus” – nice phrase. Oh how good for you to take that day off. Do nothing. I don’t know if I can do it. I do admit though – when in Hawaii, I find it to be the only place on earth where being beats doing any day of the week
! Thank you thank you as always for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Farnoosh,
This is such a choice topic because the sheer amount of information now available can easily become overwhelming. I think it’s important to listen to our feelings of overwhelm and take a step back. That doesn’t mean stop altogether, by any means. I especially resonate with your tip #4, to decide what matters the most and focus accordingly. In fact, I believe in the power of one – simply focusing on one change at a time. And on the power of being in the moment.
Thanks for addressing this very apropos topic!
Hi dear Sandra, have you heard a similar thing from your readers too? When I think about it, I find it so natural. How can we not be overwhelmed with so much going on and asking for our attention.
Focusing on one change at a time has worked well for me too. The more we focus on one thing, the better we become and that in itself is encouraging and it keeps those overwhelming feelings at bay. Thank you for being here, Sandra.
Good timing with this post. Every so often during my own development I get frustrated, overwhelmed, and swear (insincerely) that I’m done with personal development. I guess all I’m ever done with (and I’ve had this moment many times) is my previous approach to it.
Hi dear Lou, how nice to see you pop up here and there lately. Hmmm, so sorry that you feel the frustration too. So what do you do after this happens? Do you take a break and then return to it? Do you stop doing many things and focus on one?
Well, I do hope this post was useful for you. All the best and thanks for your comment here.
Vicarious pleasure also goes a long way. On days “Counting Flowers on the Wall” is my theme song, it is still sustaining to see friends in action and bathe lightly in new ideas and feelings. Some days I ebb while they flow; on others they are at high tide while I lie perfectly still. To put the Bible next to the Statler Brothers — For everything there is a season.
My dear Rebekah, I love your advice, and this particular one more than others…. “vicarious pleasure” – and your soft and beautiful approach to daily living is lovely to learn about ….Thank you so much for taking time to share your thoughts because they are gems to me, and you can talk about anything you like really …. it’s all in the way you articulate them. Thanks for the quote too.
I just love how you always present such a gentle, positive approach. I’m so intense that it’s good for me just to kind of take a deep breath and let your ideas soak in. Thanks for the reminders.
Dear Alison, believe it or not I used to be the most intense and harsh person on myself and it never ended up well; I have accomplished a lot as a result but I have also harmed myself rather than helped myself in the long term; so I think since we do have that in common, I wonder if you might be interested in the softer, gentler approach? And I do hope you are sleeping more peacefully lately….(I followed your insomnia stories….). Thanks for your comment.
Ha ha, great insight Farnoosh. Actually it does beg the question that at what point do we feel we’ve improved our self enough? Some say that we never stop improving or growing but others would argue that we have to allow ourselves to settle and enjoy at points and not keep tirelessly pushing for perfection. I guess it’s knowing when enough is enough for you and making peace with yourself and the world around you from that moment. After all, to improve the self is to know the self, right? Another triumphant post Farnoosh!! Blessings to you.
Hi John, how nice to see you again. You know, I have no idea. Sometimes, my husband asks me how much more do I need to lose weight or become toned etc… and I think it’s just a work in progress. It never ends. But you know, we can have both of those things you say – never stop improving AND having a chance to settle down and enjoy the points of success…..
thank you dear John for your kind words.
And it’s not moving toward perfection so much as being in the best state of mind and body we can be in the present and near future …. I really think self-improvement’s greatest rewards come back to ourselves – more than just the actual improvement. And making peace with yourself does not make self-improvement null….. You should accept yourself, sure but you can also improve. Unless there are clear reasons why something won’t work for one person…acceptance and self-improvement are not mutually exclusive in my view. Anyway, I think I got a bit carried away but I think we agree
Excellent read. The whole issue is about being single-minded and focusing on 1 specific and measurable goal and then ACTING relentlessly, tracking your progress after regular intervals and adjusting your radars to keep moving forward.
The feeling of being overwhelmed is basically a symptom that there is something wrong somewhere. Some misunderstanding or misalignment of goals.
Dearest Abubakar,
!
Yes, those great qualities – single-minded and focused with laser beams… Acting is key and tracking progress is rewarding and encouraging and feeds our enthusiasm. Thank you for putting it in much better words than me. Next time, you are writing the post
Sometimes it’s just good to simplify… pare back… do nothing… simply just BE. Overwhelm affects everybody. The only way to deal with it is to switch off… tune out [from external stimuli] and tune in to yourSELF.
In our hearts we know what’s right. All the advice in the world is simply that… advice. It’s up to us to decipher and decide what’s best for us… what’s useful… what’s not… and then be discriminating in what we take on board. It is overwhelming. But we need not be overwhelmed if we listen from within.
Thanks Farnoosh… I SO get this.
Jean, amen to simplification…. the do nothing part is hard for me, although I can do it just fine in Hawaii
! But I love the tune into myself bit. I know you have great self-awareness, Jean and I know you must spend time in solitude to have this wisdom.
Thank you for affirming that the heart knows best – especially with my recent difficult decision. Listen within. I love every word and every one is true.
Thank you so much, dear Jean.
Brilliant!!!!!!!!! “All of self-improvement is interconnected like a silken spider web; every small change weaves a corner of this web and soon, they grow and become a visibly powerful yet subtle force in your life. ”
I often find the cure for overwhelm is smaller steps and smaller pieces
My dear Aileen, how lovely to see you.
I really do think a lot of self-improvement is tightly knit, even if the end result looks different.
And nothing there to argue in taking smaller, tinier steps, albeit still steps forward. Thank you!
Farnoosh: I was smiling when I saw this headline because it is so true that it really does seem that there is just so much out there and that you can literally be pointed in millions of directions. I appreciated what you said about doing what makes the most sense for you at the time. I think that is great advice. The reality is that you can only work on and accomplish so much and if you bite off more than you can chew, you really will get overwhelmed and possibly discouraged. Great post and great tips. It really is all about prioritizing and going after the couple of things that make the most sense for you.
My dear Sibyl, meant to reply earlier but I have been in a funk for a day or two. Out of it now
! You are the real pro to me in this area and having your stamp of approval on my suggestions which are purely based on my own experience, that is golden. Thank you so much and I hope you are doing wonderfully and welcoming spring with a big smile although I bet mine is bigger 
!
Hi Farnoosh,
Yeah it can be overwhelming to read about self-improvement all the time. With so many websites and articles around, it is easy to suffer from information overload. Thankfully, you have great tips for us. I especially like the following:
1. Feel Supremely Fortunate for the Opportunities
This is a great point. We are living in an age of wondrous opportunities. When we compare it to the Dark Ages, it really helps to put things in perspective and to appreciate what we have.
5. Fall in Love with your Goals
Loving our goals and the things we do help to make our lives easier when we have to put in effort. Because these things drive us, we have the strength to overcome the inertia of the obstacles we are likely to face. If we do not enjoy the things we do, it is very easy to burn out quickly. The slightest problems we face will send us running for the hills. Thus, if we do feel overwhelmed, we should examine our goals and make the adjustments needed to feel positive about it again.
There is just one more tip I can think of when it comes to dealing with this problem of being overwhelmed. When we feel that way, I think it is a good idea to step back and read something different. It could be something totally unrelated, preferably something we enjoy so that we can unwind, relax and recharge. When we are refreshed, we can go back to reading about self-improvement and benefit from it because we are now more receptive.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article!
Irving the Vizier
My dear Vizier, I am here – late but better late than …
– thank you for your thorough, thought-out and brilliant thoughts. Doing something unrelated: YES!! Reading novels, or in your case, books on history and about your heroes, watching a movie, listening to music, or just doing something not so much aimless but relaxing and rejuvenating …. (although I get very tired after watching an intense movie but reading works great….) so you have a powerful suggestion. Some of us may be doing those things and not noticing it. And those who focus only on self-improvement tend to skip such an effective way to unwind and get perspective. Thank you also for your validation on the other points. I really can’t thank you enough for completing my ideas and adding invaluable insight at the end.
I learned a lot of self improvement tips from your posts, Farnoosh.
I like the step by step self improvement as it is better and never let you overwhelmed.
Thanks
Nazim, thank you. Step by step, one at a time, slow and steady. Indeed. Thank you for coming by!
Hi Farnoosh,
This sure is a nice post about what to do when one is overwhelmed. I totally agree with what you said on #2. If we would like to achieve a goal, we should take it one step at a time, and enjoy the small accomplishments along the way.
Thanks!
Dear Felicia, hi! How nice to see you and how great to see that you too can see benefit in one step at a time but gosh it is so hard when we want it all at once, isn’t it
! Thanks for your lovely comment.
Hi Farnoosh,
You’re absolutely correct! It’s really hard to want many things yet you can’t have them all at the same time. Then again, it would make us happy if we get everything without working very hard for it, right?
Right, Felicia, I think you meant it would *not* make us happy if we get everything without working hard…. but then again, I wonder if the opposite is true too. I’ve always had to work hard so I’m not really sure
!
Hi Farnoosh,
but then again, after thinking about it, I agree that you’re right..maybe the opposite can be true as well. There are many people who can have everything even though they didn’t work hard for it..I guess those people who are born from a super wealthy family.
I made a typo on that, sorry. It actually has “not”
Hi dear Felicia, people may have *everything* but it does not mean they are necessarily *happy*!
And no more typos, you used up your quota.
Ok I am only kidding. It is late and just a tease to tell you how much I enjoy talking with you. Thanks for coming back!
thank you for the interesting read Farnoosh
good advice
Good to see you again, Farouk. Thanks!
Hi Farnoosh,
Very nice article there.I feel we should not be engrossed in self improvement so much that we forget ourselves and at the end of the day we find that we have lost the uniqueness we always possessed and have become someone else.
Shivam, hi~
Very well said. In the end, we are doing all this to let the true self shine so losing ourselves in the process would be missing the point altogether. Thank you for your comment!
I am in earnest at the beginning of an intentional course of self development. Fear and expectations have brought me thus far in life. Literally, the flood of personal development exposure has been within the last six month. Brian Tracy said something about entering into a rich, lush field you never knew existed. I totally relate. There is a synchronicity to just about every bit of information interfacing with my consciousness these days. This is encouraging and inspiring. While I do not feel overwhelmed, I do wrestle with the sense that it is all too good to be true. I know this resonates out of the message of inadequacy and low self worth that I have operated out of for most of my life. To reject such thoughts is a powerful and recurring notion confronting me of late. What a powerful concept. I almost feel as though I am mourning the loss of version of myself. And to think I have been cast about by circumstance, the winds of change, and multifarious suggestions abounding, all these years. Oh well, while I aspire to dream big, it feels safe to keep it simple and dream a little bigger each day, to do the little things better in the circles that constitute my life right now. It is my intention to reach and express the height of my potential and the magnificence of my being. Thanks for the post and the encouragement.
Muchas gracias por este artículo!
{ 4 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }