Be Confident To Be Successful
Confident people are attractive without saying a word. It doesn’t matter who they are. Their age, nationality, sex, race or profession is a complete non-issue because their confidence makes you look past all this.
Their confidence clears the way for you to see them for who they are: A person who has embraced their complete self and shows up with all of it, without apology or guilt or shame, without feeling inferior or superior to anyone, and totally and completely comfortable in their skin. Now that’s something to strive for. But how?
I talk about confidence a lot, because I have struggled with it so much in my life. And the things we struggle with and overcome become the foundation of our deepest passions. That’s what led to the 21-Step Confidence Building Series, which is a FREE email course you can sign up for, and where I give you actionable practical steps to build that inner confidence. Your inner beauty if you will, the only one that really matters and really works.
The confidence course attracted a lot of attention. I admit, I was a little surprised but also very happy to see it. And a lot of you have asked for more practical tips to be confident. This one is for you!
In this post, I want to keep it super practical, with super actionable steps that you can take immediately to awaken, build and boost your confidence. If you don’t already believe confidence to be the foundation for all your success in life, discover this higher self and prepare to bring your self-confidence to the show of your life first, darling!
Go on. I will wait until you check out the posts above because it’s super important (super is my word of the day!) to believe with all your heart that confidence will pave the way to your dreams. It’s not confidence alone, but without confidence, you will not be going anywhere! Confidence is a must-have to pack on the journey.
Okay, now that you are ready, let’s talk about 31 actionable steps and immediate tips to become confident. What can you do right now that makes you appear unmistakably confident?
How to Be Confident with 31 Practical Steps
1. Start to pay attention to yourself: I know this sounds obvious, but are you REALLY paying attention to yourself? Start to become self-aware, listen to your voice, watch your posture, see how you show up in every sense of the word. That’s the first step.
2. Walk into a room as if you own it: How do you walk into your own bedroom or your own kitchen? You know how to do this because you do it all the time at home. Walk with purpose and a sense of belonging.
3. Watch your words: The words you use define your level of confidence. Drop the “maybe”, “kinda”, “sorta”, “dunno”, “not sure”, “I guess”, “I don’t care”, and all others like it. Especially when you are speaking to others. (You can whisper them to yourself in silence but even that doesn’t help with confidence!)
4. Be decisive: When others ask your opinion, state it as a fact. Don’t be mean or rude but also don’t be an indecisive jello. If that’s what you think, then say it. State it as a fact. “I like that movie!”, “I don’t want to go to that restaurant.”, “I plan on going to yoga by myself.” Period.
5. Listen to your voice: Your voice is a powerful instrument if you know how to use it. Is your voice getting caught in your throat or your lungs? Inhale softly before you speak. And speak from your power.
6. Spread your collar bones wide: This one is from my wonderful voice coach. I also used to constantly hear it in Iran when growing up. Another way of saying this is “Don’t slouch!” Tell yourself: “Spreading my collar bones spreads my confidence.”
7. Keep your head over your shoulders: Check in with yourself and see if your head and your ear lobes are staying over your shoulders. If you are standing or sitting, this is the posture of confidence. It may be uncomfy at first. After a little practice, it will make you confident and become natural.
8. Observe your surroundings: Actively observe the room, the hall, the place you are in. Take a look at the room. Give a little smile to people. Scan the place you are in. It shows you are alert, and you pay attention and notice people.
9. Be totally present in the moment: So get ‘out of’ your thoughts and into the present moment if you will. Don’t be so pensive or caught up in your own thoughts if you want to appear confident. Don’t bury yourself in your phone or book. Be present in the moment, in what is happening, in where you are and who is around you.
10. Keep your chin parallel to the ground: As you check in with yourself, see if your chin is parallel to the ground or is it at an angle, which means your head is probably not straight. Fix the chin and the head will adjust.
11. Practice good posture: You have a few building blocks in previous steps. Now think of your whole posture. Stand up straight. Tall. Feel the floor with your feet. Feel your ab muscles. Feel your hips. Awareness of them helps you stand up tall and confident.
12. Drop the apology: What are you so apologetic for? Stop saying “I’m sorry” all the time if you do. Unless you really mess up, in which case you say it once, definitively and sincerely and you are done. Apologies imply you are not sure of yourself.
13. Stop the comparison game: Because you will drive yourself mad if you don’t. And you don’t have accurate and conclusive information about the person you are comparing yourself to, anyway, so you are comparing yourself to a phantom.
14. Compare yourself only to the yesterday version of you: Aim to be better than yesterday and only better than yourself, not anybody else. What can you do today that makes you better? Do at least one thing.
15. Wear only what you love: Stop wearing clothes you can’t stand just because you bought it. Wear your favorite clothes. If you don’t have enough, buy some! You love them because they fit you well and they make you more comfortable in your skin.
16. Pay attention to the inner dialogue: What are you telling yourself in that head of yourself? Listen first, then filter. I highly recommend the affirmations and blurts episode for this one.
17. Wear Makeup: That’s right. Ladies (or guys?), wearing the right amount of make-up and knowing how to wear it well is a huge confidence boost. When you feel pretty and sexy, you are confident, baby! A little vanity never hurt anyone.
18. Walk briskly: When you are walking in the street or school or at work, walk with a purpose. Don’t walk aimlessly. Walk as if you have somewhere to go and with a little kick in your step.
19. Look people in the eye when speaking: I find it so frustrating when people avoid my eyes as they speak to ME directly. Respect people by looking them in the eye as you speak. Don’t stare. Just look with kindness.
20. Take compliments and criticism in the same stride: Don’t let your self-esteem ride on either because neither can be good if you do. Take both as they come, thank the person offering it, and decide what to do about it (if anything).
21. Drop the defensive attitude when getting feedback: This has nothing to do with who you are, it is simply someone else’s opinion about you. It is not a fact. It is up to you how you take it but getting defensive shows your insecurities.
21. Be mindful of your body language: What is your body saying without you uttering a word? Notice every aspect of your body and where you may be a sending a message that makes you unapproachable. Have an open and inviting body versus a closed-off one. Learn more goodies on body language here.
22. Do things on your own: You don’t have to do everything with your buddies or friends or spouse. Go out to lunch by yourself. Go to a restaurant on your own. Go to the movies alone. And be comfortable in your own company. Don’t be dependent on others.
23. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated: If you want to have kindness and attention from people, give it first. If you want people to listen to you, listen first. And do this very consciously. If you want love, my darling, love first.
24. Offer praise or compliment to make others feel good: This is a great way to start a dialogue and it shows others that you pay attention to them and that you care enough to say something. It endears them to you.
25. Show interest in others: When you meet someone or when you greet your peers or colleagues, show interest in what is going on in their life. You don’t have to devote an hour to listen. Just show interest.
26. Practice saying no: This is a big one in claiming your power and sticking to what you want in life. Pushovers are not confident people. Learn to say no and stop making such a fuss about it. Say it nicely and be done with it.
27. Practice asking for something: Asking for what you want is another way to build confidence fast but it comes with practice. Start with small stuff like asking for the price on something before you work up to the big stuff like asking for that overdue promotion at work!
28. Believe that your happiness is in your own hands: Nobody is going to hand you “happiness” on a silver platter. You are responsible for it and that knowledge can boost your confidence and help you feel in control of your life.
29. Be a good person: Always be a good person. Do it in your words, in your deeds and in everything in between. People will notice, and
30. Love yourself: Yes! To Love Thyself is the greatest act of confidence. Be honest: Do you love yourself just the way you are? Love yourself right now without a single ounce of change. Focus on things you should be able to say about yourself. And yet you may change, my dear, you may improve and grow and all that, but start loving yourself now.
31. Act like the dream vision of you: The way you become the ultimate vision of yourself is by starting to Be That Dream Vision Now. So if you want to be confident, act confident. If you want to be rich, stop acting like a penny pincher and start focusing on building your wealth. If you want to be a writer or a speaker, start acting like one now.
The very last thing is the MOST important one of all but I wanted to let it stand out because all of the 31 steps above bring you closer and closer to this, which is your one and only concern, your one and only mission in life and your true way to success:
Now over to you! Who has Step 32 and beyond on how to be confident? I know you guys are experts at this and hey, we are in this fun journey together and I love learning from you! Bring it on in the comments below.