How to Deal with Personal Attacks
It’s funny how I still get a little upset and a wee bit defensive when I get blog comments like this last one on How to Stop Wasting Life in a Dead-end Job:
“Great advice! Now … try paying your rent with it! No one said life is easy. But you are not here to be “happy”! You are here to do your duty. Deal with it; and rest assured that others have had to endure a hell of a lot worse and have not complained. Now stop your nonsense and make your living!”
At first, I just wanted to delete it … but something uneasy crept inside … I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
And that’s when I remembered: this is the way I used to see the world too …
I know PRECISELY how he feels, because I was in even a worse place, nearly going out of my mind at my miserable horrible mind-numbing corporate job. Bitter and frustrated, I was torn between being “realistic” and “responsible” with my life and running away from it all to find something that made me come alive and to respond to the call of my heart.
So I chose to respond. I wish I could help him but when you are in that place, no one can help you until you are open to receiving it.
My friend Leslie Samuel just published a post on this very topic: How to deal with trolls and personal attacks online!
But he did pose some interesting assumptions that needed clarification. I told him that not only do I “pay the rent” and all my other bills and luxury travel with my passions that I even hired my husband out of his 6-figure safe job to come on board our thriving, fledgling business. Take that honey as proof that I’m not kidding around about making your dream pay your bills.
I walk my talk and live my words, thank you very much, and there is real dollars and profits behind my “nonsense” and oh by the way, we actually are here on this earth to be happy!
But you know what? I know how he feels, it’s a very ugly feeling. I was there and I could hardly stand myself, much less anyone else that had broken free of that hell.
When you are in a dark terrible place, it’s EASIER to blame the whole world and curse everyone who is doing what you can only dream of achieving.
It’s easier to think you are being the responsible serious adult here (no you are not!), and the rest of us are fools (we most certainly aren’t!) if we are looking for real happiness in this one and only life we have.
And listen, you can live to the end of your days in that dark unhappy place if you choose. I know many who are comfortably settled in it for all eternity.
Whether you say you can or you can’t, you are right.
Thank you: Henry Ford
But let’s say you are not as bitter as my above commenter, and yet you can’t fight the darkness that seems to overpower your days and wipe out any trace of hope, then what do you do?
The 3 Questions to Bring You Out of Your Darkness
You start with BELIEVING in yourself. You start with FAITH. You start with CONVICTION.
In yourself, honey!
Question 1: Do I believe in myself?
Stop looking for validation from your parents or your boss or your child even your best friend. Let everyone go for a moment and look deep in your own eyes in the mirror, and ask yourself, “Do I believe in myself?”
If you think this is silly, or some “new age nonsense”, I get it, I do. You are not ready enough. That’s OK. I found all this to be ludicrous until I was beyond desperate.
And you know what else, the truth kinda sucks …. that whole “setting you free” part comes only after a lot of pain facing the darn thing and denial is a real easy way to avoid the whole mess, why do you think so many love to take that well-worn path? Never mind that it leads to eventual misery, few want to think about the future, they are escaping the pain of facing their situation head on right now!!!!
Because the truth hurts like hell.
The truth of realizing that yes you could actually have whatever you want, if you believe in yourself, change your inner dialogue, and don’t take no for an answer, especially from those who have no credibility speaking on success.
The truth of realizing that nobody knows what’s best for you but you, and yet all these years you were looking for answers and validation in someone’s reaction.
The truth of lost time that you can’t have back and the necessary hustle that you need to get behind to change gears and move in the right direction.
Oh yeah, that’s no pleasant ride …. but you have to go through the tunnel to see the light of day. There is no other way past this giant mountain of denial and misery.
So go back to that mirror when you want to start believing in yourself, and ask again, “Do I believe in myself?” and hear yourself answer a resounding YES with absolute conviction.
Question 2: What do I want?
Great. Now ask yourself, “What do I want?” and really think hard about what it is that you seek. What is it that is empty in your life? What is it that is missing in your work? What is it that is hurting in your relationships? What is it that you wish for when you lie in bed at night? What is it that you escape from?
Watch yourself if you don’t know the answer. Watch from a distance and you will see the answer.
Question 3: What or who is stopping me from getting there?
And when you know the answer, ask one last question, “What or who is stopping me from getting there?”, and don’t stop asking this one until the answer is Nothing and Nobody!
It’s all up to you. Your beliefs create your thoughts. Your thoughts lead to your actions, which become your choices which then lead the way to your future. And this future can be everything you dream.
Life is not a game of dice. You have a major role in your life. You choose your darkness and your light. If you choose the former, that’s your choice, but you put yourself there. And if you choose light, then you know what I mean. Don’t opt out of this beautiful, fantastic, incredible life and sit by the side-lines.
Rise up to the challenge, create your future and settle for no darkness because light is seeking you.
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