Welcome back to Episode #53 of The Daily Interaction podcast. Today is our first episode in year 2 of podcasting. The topic is How to Care for Your Beloved as Patient. How do you do your best in that role as a loving care-taker. What to do, what not to do, for them in this tough stage of healing and recovery.
First a story. My dad was at the hospital for a long while back in 2007. Cancer tends to take up a lot of time! We were lucky and after lots of surgeries, he was given a new chance. He’s spent the last 5 years recovering and rebuilding his life as a post-cancer patient. Good thing he is so stubborn that nothing seems to get in his way of doing things!
He is still our Tier 2 Support, as we have dubbed him, around the house for all things that break, from garbage disposal to garage doors and everything in between. He is a wonderful support to everyone around him in every way imaginable and he is thinking of doing the unthinkable. He has bought himself a caravan and he is planning to travel the US coast to coast with this monster. He went from being a cancer patient and tied to a hospital bed to now crossing the country in a giant car. He is cautious and smart but still I worry. What if something were to happen on the road?
Once a patient, always a patient?
I hope not! We need to learn to accept that even cancer patients can heal and become independent of our help.
This week, I had a reminder on a minor scale when my sweetheart went in for an outpatient surgery. Everything went really well but the healing post-surgery is still a long and painful process. I am doing this podcast on the experience of playing a caring nurse to my patient husband. Here’s to learning to care well for our beloved when they are the patient.
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How to Care for Your Beloved as a Patient Show Notes:
1. Don’t say much. Don’t engage them in conversation. Use the language of love and support. Your beloved in patient form is not his or her witty, smart, and attentive self. You need to be very wary of how much you stimulate them with what you say. Even really good and exciting news can be stimulating and challenging. So just to be safe, say as little as possible.
2. Don’t ask a lot of questions. Questions are the worst habit to break for me. I’ve been constantly asking him how he is doing, if he is hot or cold, thirsty or hungry, needs ice or more medication and on and on and on. Questions make me feel better because I feel like I am doing something but in fact, I am doing nothing. If he needs something, he’ll tell me. Less questions!
3. Be there for them in silence. Hold their hands. Touch their forehead. Look at them and smile. Send them positive good vibes and energy. Be their rock. Spend time near them. Sometimes, they say they want to be left alone but it’s mainly from the talking, not your mere presence.
4. Don’t have your own meltdown. This is the worst time to have a meltdown of your own. I cannot believe my attitude the other night from something that had happened and then suddenly realized the massive pressure I was putting on my poor husband. I totally lost perspective. Don’t do that. Save your meltdown for another day or even better yet, do away with it altogether!
5. Don’t let them have a pity party. No matter how bad things get. The tendency to feel really bad about their situation can quickly bring their spirits down, and the mind is more powerful than any other organ. Make sure to monitor them from that regard and if you hear them talking about how bad things are or how much they are in pain, change the subject and interrupt the pity party immediately.
6. Think of it as a test of your patience and attitude. This is to show you just how much you can really relate to someone else being in pain and suffering. As human beings, this is really difficult for us, and while I don’t wish the surgery upon anyone, if you find yourself in a position to comfort your beloved, make sure you are a rockstar at doing so. They will forever remember it.
Our ONE-YEAR Anniversary podcast contest winner is in. Many congratulations to Maxwell Ivey for winning a $30 Gift Certificate to Amazon. Thank you so much for playing and listening, Max! In the episode, I read the feedback from contest entries, and talked about exciting changes I’ll making in Year 2 of podcasting! You will stay tuned, won’t you?
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{ 12 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
You’ve got yourself one LUCKY guy there
No kidding, right? I took pleasure telling him again though
Thanks Leslie!
Thank you for covering this topic! This is an area of life that we will all inevitably face but have such little preparation for. This is the first discussion I have ever heard on the topic and I am so glad it was through you : ) I hope that cousin Andy feels 100% sooner than soon – will be thinking of him and sending good vibes his way. My dad had an infection back in March which landed him in the hospital for a few days. Being the responsible fatherly figure he is, he had asked us to bring all of his work and bills to the hospital to sort through during his stay. This extra processing that he did, (unnecessarily), didn’t help relax him and I’m sure didn’t put him on a speedier road to recovery. You hit the nail on the head with the advice of being there for your beloved in silence – I absolutely agree that someone might get tried of the questions but never, ever of the actual presence of the other… : ) Thank you again for a thoughtful and much needed discussion on this subject!
Hi Neda, my dear cousin, I recall when your Dad was under the weather – I didn’t know details so thanks for sharing them. You can refuse a patient’s wishes – that’s one thing I didn’t state in my podcast exactly but you can
And it seems your dad had an unreasonable request, didn’t he? And you have such a beautiful way with words – I love that …. if nothing else works out, Neda, don’t hesitate to WRITE, my dear, just write 
! Lovely to see you here.
Thank you for this lovely podcast Farnoosh. Your honesty and openness is greatly appreciated. This is a wonderful topic, as all of us have to navigate the waters of communicating with loved ones who are experiencing, illness, surgery, recovery etc. at some point. It really caught my attention as I have been struggling lately with how best to support and be present for my mother who is currently struggling through a recurrence of breast cancer. Keeping things positive and not letting her fall into that pity party/constant worry and fear space is a real challenge. It can be quite frustrating to figure out exactly what she needs from me at any given moment. All about COMMUNICATION I guess eh?! Your suggestions are a great start for me, so THANK YOU
Cassandra
Dear Cassandra, how nice to see you here. I am so sorry for your mom’s suffering, I really am! The recurrence of cancer is the worst – I knew few people who celebrated when it was gone and then it came back ….. is your mom’s condition getting better?? You know one book that I read about cancer that really moved me was by Lance Armstrong: It’s Not About the Bike and you know what, Cassandra, I would be happy to put it in the mail for you, my dear if that helps? So glad this podcast helped!
Thank you so much for the book suggestion Farnoosh. I borrowed it from the public library today. I’ll let you know my feelings afterwards
Perfect!! Then enjoy it and know that you and your mom are in my thoughts, dear Cassandra!
Happy new year in your blogging business Farnoosh. Are you a nurse? because you sound like one.
I’ve never being in a position of taking care of a patient before but I’m sure this post will help if i happen to find my self in such position.
Thanks for sharing.
Theodore, me? nurse? Are you kidding? The sight of blood makes me have to sit down …. even as a woman, I am scared of blood!! No, I am no such hero but I am indebted to all our nurses. Thanks so much for listening and sharing.
Hi Farnoosh; another great show. You covered what you had to and still gave us some helpful tools for caring for sick loved ones. and in my case you gave me some things to think about as i get closer to having gastric surgery. its by no means anything like what your husband’s surgery must have been, but there will be a few days of weakness dehydration and adjusting to things after the surgery. I will have to think about being a better patient being more communicative and less bothered by people doing things for me. I ask for and receive lots of help but i like to do the simple every day things myself. so, thanks for helping me to get into the proper frame of mind as a future patient. and yes the doctors, nurses, surgeons, and support staff all do a wonderful service for us. I’m glad your husband is home and hopefully headed in the right direction. thanks again and take care, max
Hi Max, so glad you enjoyed this and sorry about your upcoming surgery but I am sure you will be in good hands – doctors and family…. Hubby is doing much better since I recorded this and it’s a huge relief. Thanks for stopping by, Max!