
I desperately want a Prada bag.
A genuine, $5000, brand spanking new Prada bag, and I want to buy it in Tokyo and Tokyo alone.
In Japan, every woman (at least, every woman that I saw during my 4 separate trips and incalculable hours walking the streets of Tokyo and Kyoto) carries either a Prada, a Gucci or a Louis Vuitton.
So yeah, I want a real Prada bag. Funny enough, it actually hurts me to see the beautiful bags with the starving, skinny and strange looking models carrying them or wrapping them around their bodies in questionable fashion – total bag abuse if you ask me! – but the bag itself, the exquisitely designed gorgeous bag, now that’s something after which I lust quietly!
Do you have any such inexplicable desires? Is there not a small part of you that fantasizes about something at least half as outlandish as my little Prada?
Here you are, building your life around the concepts of simplicity and acceptance and maybe your own measure of minimalism, and suddenly, the urge comes over you: the urge to buy something very unnecessary and outrageously expensive and you can’t get the darn thing out of your head for all you try.
The brand buying trend in Japan and some other Asian cultures is not about getting value so much as a necessity to make a statement about a person’s place in society, and the top notch Western brand names speak volumes in that language. So naturally, everyone buys them – or it seems that way in the sea of crowds that I scrutinized – perhaps because everyone wants to belong. To conform to the norm. To be accepted as an equal.
That concept is not entirely foreign to me, I grew up in Iran where the most pretentious women on earth proudly obsess with their appearance for a lifetime. It’s true and I say it lovingly, don’t worry, it’s my own kin after all but maybe that’s my curse as I go on yearning for the stupidly expensive Prada!
How does a bag that costs more than twice the average monthly US mortgage fit into the lifestyle I am designing now? How does that integrate into my smart spending plan without exploding it altogether? Even if I chose to afford it, how in the world does this purchase even make any sense?
And suppose I buy my Prada. Will I stop lusting after the gorgeous sun glasses that go perfectly with it? What about the perfect little black dress? Or will I need to learn to redefine the meaning of pleasure altogether?
Oh I do wonder!
If you are reading this post to get to the ultimate answer, I am sorry to disappoint you today. This one is still under heavy investigation but here’s what I know in my heart of hearts:
Sometimes, our desires can get very strong very quickly, and the more changes we make in our life, the more radical these inexplicable desires.
I have been making many radical changes and eliminating many a thing along the way as I create my own lifestyle design and some days, the resistance to simplification and shifts of focus is loud and obnoxious.
I’ve always said I love materialism, and I love the fine luxuries of life, I do, but I want to enjoy them without the inner conflict. I want to break free of the desire to acquire them and yet reward myself handsomely when it feels right. Is that even possible? Is there such a thing as “balance” when you want both smart spending and $5000 bags?
The best tool I have found so far is a very simple one: It’s a question you ask yourself during a pleasant conversation you carry with yourself. You simply ask: “Is it true?”
- Is it true that I really want the Prada itself or do I just want the idea of owning Prada?
- Is it true that a Prada bag will have lasting quality over the years?
- Is it true that a Prada bag will make me look good – or better than I do now?
- Is it true that I will be happier carrying my Prada bag than my old and beat-up Coach bag or the no-name bags that came before it?
- Is it true that I will not desire another bag a month or a year later because this one is really the one to seal the deal and to satisfy the heart of my desire?
The question is so simple that you may think you are simply validating your assumptions but it’s a very powerful question, and as you keep asking, a seed starts to form that helps you go deeper. Is everything you have come to believe around this desire even true? That may not give us the ultimate answer but it moves us closer and in the process, if nothing else, we get to know ourselves better, and that goes for all of ourselves – the good, the bad and the mysterious parts.
If you know the answer to the inner conflict, and if you have reached that inner peace between your desires for luxury and simplicity, then share your thoughts in the blog comments below and help me find a solution to my Prada Dilemma!
Use Your Inner Powers
Bonus: 21-Step Confidence Building Series













{ 47 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
I go through this same dilemma. It’s difficult at my house because my husband is all about luxury. He dreams of buying a Mercedes, BMW or Audi. I try to balance him out by being all about bargains. Truthfully, I want some luxury too! I suppose I’m lucky that I can’t afford it, so it’s not really a dilemma yet…
If you can afford it, get the bag!
It’s the Iranian gene in him – you can’t blame him
)! And as for the bag, well, I probably could easily have afforded it back when I had my corporate job but you know what, Elan, I wanna EASILY afford it again when I get my business to the right place…
! Thanks for being here, hon!
I have never been much of a “label” person, even if I had the money I would feel that it was wasted on a bag. I’d rather have 10 really nice dinners out for that amount.
As for bags themselves, I am really excited about the idea of this bag that Gwen Bell is using.
Stephen, that bag does not look expensive at all. Why not go for it? It looks immensely useful and practical. See, that’s the thing, I could easily have afforded a bag but I couldn’t swallow the nonsensical aspect of the price tag even when I could fork out the cash….. Only 10 nice dinners? Where on earth do you dine?
!
Well, If we had an extra $5k laying around we’d make a beeline to a “really” nice dinner someplace. The Lovely Bride and I enjoy a “spare-no-expense” dinner at The Capitol Grille (in Providence, RI or Atlanta, GA – those two were the best), Davio’s in Boston, MA or other high-end spots. We don’t do that very often, but we do like our food…
Good to know where I can drop some serious cash for hopefully some serious food, Stephen
!
I don’t think there is anything wrong wanting the best material things life has to offer. They usually represent higher quality (the BMW or Benz has a nicer ride and luxuries other cars don’t) and a reputation that was built from scratch. A lot of things in life are not necessary after all we came naked and we will leave naked. After a lot of hard work and building your reputation we all want to be recognized as the premium product or brand. At the end of the day it is finding the right balance (self discipline) for where you are in life. Those finer things can serve maybe as an indicator that you could strive for a better QUALITY of life. Everybody is entitled to their best life possible. A Prada bag may not fit into your goals right this minute, but you can make a new goal to get it.The experience (journey) of making it work is priceless because you would have grown from where you were in your limitations!
Dear Arinze, you are right – nothing wrong with it – gosh I love material things. I am so touched by the way you articulated your brilliant thoughts here for us. So well put. The overall picture that we really do not need it, the fact that it’s ok to pursue it, the growth, the process, the journey! I hope I have the pleasure of having you here more often. THANK YOU!!!! And I totally agree.
I think it is all about the experience not the possession. We don’t want to be rich. We just want the experience that only rich people can live.
Dear Mohamed, so well put – so are you saying it’s ok for me to dash over and get my Prada now?
! Oh it’s so true – we want to experience it, taste it, feel it, and be it. Thanks so much for the killer interview today, my friend.
Oh, how I relate to this post. As much as I’ve maintained a frugal lifestyle through the years, there are times when I really do lust after a beautiful item. In my case, it was a pair of Louis Vuitton shoes years ago that cost $900! I never bought them, and sometimes still think about them. However, I used that $900 towards a trip I really wanted to take, and I’ll never regret spending the money there.
Your self-examination questions are good, and I would add one more. Is there a time in the past when you lusted after some luxury item and bought it, but its appeal quickly wore off?
Mary, SO long since we’ve spoken. How are you doing? I got lost in your last posts and pictures after seeing you pop up!!! So you relate…..I bet the shoes were something else, but certainly not “worth” $900…. same with my Prada. And as for your extra question, ummm, yeah, I have a few answers to that one, so that alone sets my mind at ease. Thank you for helping break me free from the Prada desire so gently!
Aaahhhh….Farnoosh – you may know that I have a designer handbag addiction. I don’t own a Prada, but I have a closet filled with Louis, Balenciaga, Gucci, Proenza Schouler, Marc Jacobs and my most beloved babies…Chanel. So if you are looking for some enabling in the designer handbag department, give me a call.
Admittedly, I have felt conflicted about my desire for luxury goods. After all, I’m a devoted Ashtanga yoga practitioner, a vegetarian…I’m not particularly materialistic in other parts of my life.
But I’m afraid I can’t bring myself to indulge in the same depth of analysis that this post encourages – so I’ve whittled it down to one notion….We all need to indulge ourselves superficially now and then. Whether it’s decadent sweets, a relaxing pedicure or the Celine Luggage Tote (check it out…it’s BEYOND spectacular!) – is it really WRONG to indulge once in a while? If we can keep it in perspective, and it doesn’t overtake our other pursuits…why not?
C’mon Farnoosh – gimme some validation over here!
It’s TOTALLY ok but only if you show me your closet, Ruth!
) It sounds dreamy! I would have never guessed that from a devoted Ashtanga yogi, you are right…. but hey, I love how you put it, I really do, indulging is fine, and I love luxury – I just want to analyze the feeling until I totally understand it. For now, though, I know that if I get the Prada, you will totally be on my side
!
Oh, I had to laugh! Yes, I do indulge in my own form of luxury–like having a cabin in the mountains that costs me much more than renting a place from time to time. But I love to be able to get in the car and head up there whenever I want to, to walk in the door and have everything there, to relax without thinking about check out time. It’s my little piece of heaven.
But a designer bag? No, that’s not me. My daughter mentioned some famous label the other day and couldn’t believe I didn’t know of it. I said, “Honey, you are talking to a woman who lives in her jeans or her pajamas!” (And that’s not designer jeans.)
So yes, I think we all have our luxurious indulgences, but that might be anything from a horse to shoes to travel to property to sunglasses to pets to jewelry. Enjoy!
Too funny! I don’t keep up with the trends either, Galen, I really don’t. There’s just some things that get stuck in our minds. But you know what, if I could get the cabin in the mountains, I might just trade it for the Prada. That sounds HEAVENLY, it really does.
Thank you SO much for sharing your thoughts on luxury, and for being here today, Galen!
Not to confuse the issue, but I was just talking to some of my coworkers today about shoes we have to wear for work. I’ve bought $25 shoes at WalMart and had them last me 6 months. I’ve also bought $50 shoes that lasted me about a year and a half. I wear my shoes a lot. These are high mileage shoes. They get a lot of wear.
The “cheap” shoes keep falling apart on me while the “expensive” shoes practically last me until I wear the tread off. Okay… If all I have right now is $25, then I can see why that might be my first thought. But by buying the more expensive shoe, I usually save money in the long run.
Now, I’m not saying the same would happen with your bag, but sometimes, there’s a reason why a brand is more expensive. If the quality is better than a cheaper brand, then it may last longer and save you more in the long run.
Then again… Sometimes, things are just expensive because of the “brand” on it.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
Grady, are you telling me to go pick up a Prada right now?
))
)! Of course I don’t KNOW for sure as I’ve never owned a Prada. But we are ON the same page when it comes to top notch quality stuff, I just can’t quite yet swallow the price tag for a hand bag.. ya know? Thanks for stopping by!
Oh listen, I know the difference between brand name quality and no-brand-no-quality. I totally do and I love buying quality stuff, BUT I think we hit diminishing returns after say about $1000 on a purse
Well, if you ask me, I’d say get the bag. It will make you happy. I’m Russian and we LOVE designer names. There is nothing wrong with wanting this bag if it makes you happy it does not matter for which reason the bag or name because in the end it makes YOU happy.
Hi dear Anna, thank you so much – I really do want the bag. Maybe by Xmas, I will talk myself into it. You are too kind, and you being from Russia and me Iran, I believe that at some point in time, we were neighbors.
How lovely to have you here. Thanks and come back anytime!!
Ha! I’ve always had a golden eye – pick out 3 things and I will tell you instantly which is the most expensive … when I lived in Dubai it was all about the brands, and well, after a while it really lost it’s appeal – I remember going to a function where I saw the same Gucci bag (in different colours) 22 times – and yes I counted … It was then that I thought – what’s cool about that? Luxury bag and you look the same as everyone else? Since that day I’ve changed my focus to seeking out hidden treasures, unique things that are beautiful and have meaning, they enrich my soul tell a story. For example, staying on bags (I have a fetish), when we went to Florence a few years ago there was a shop selling bags designed by students, I went for the most unusual design and array of colours, the leather was soft, the design divine and well, everyday I look at that bag and it makes my heart sing – for me it’s the story – and if it’s the story that the brand has written for you then that’s ok, but I prefer to write my own!
That’s a BRILLIANT story – I love it, Ameena. I know Dubai’s culture is similar and it’s easy to get caught up in the brand race. Incidentally, I bought my mom a gorgeous hand-made leather bag in Florence, Italy, in 2008 and I still to this day wish I’d bought moi one too. Time to return! And yes when the expensive and extravagant becomes the commonplace, we gotta pull out our creativity hat to stand out.
) How lovely to have you here, Ameena. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
PS: You and John heading to WDS by any chance?
Oooh! Let me know when you are planning to go to Florence – it has to my be one of my favourite cities in the world! And we are only 6 hrs drive away!
What’s WDS?
WDS: World Domination Summit in Portland by Chris Guilleabeau. I went last year, it was tons of fun, and I am going this year too. Oh but Firenze…. to live a few hours from a place that took me IMMEDIATELY back to the 16th century era……oh I’d give anything to go back to Florence. You’ll be first to know, hon! Merci xoxo
!
I’ve never been into clothes and stuff (I know, weird, right?) but the thing I ‘lust’ after is books – I have such a weakness for them. I have to hold myself back constantly. The question I have to ask is if this book is going to help me be a better person – often the answer is in the negative – so that’s some money saved there! Or I’ll ask myself how many days wages is that for a laborer in India. I then mentally put that money aside for charity.
Having said that, I do think we’ve all got to indulge ourselves from time to time, Farnoosh.
Dear Corinne, that’s such a compassionate way of looking at the cost of luxury. I am very touched. Thank you for sharing the deep personal questions you ask yourself. It is of course beyond ridiculous what we could really be doing with our money and I know that striking a good balance is key. Thank you for the added perspective here. And books are a GREAT thing to lust after.
I loved reading this Farnoosh! I feel this conflict often, yet only twice in my life did I go a little crazy …with 2 purchases. One was a car that I ended up selling 9 months later because I couldn’t handle the stress of each little scratch. One day it was seriously dented in a parking lot and I cried. I got it fixed and sold it then bought a cheap car that I still drive and love the freedom I feel with every ding and scratch.
The other purchase was sunglasses that I’ve now had for 5 years. I still love them and still feel like a movie star when I where them. I love them!
All other conflicting material desires I walk a way from – conflicted, yes, but I choose not to purchase. Even when I put money aside with the intention to buy the handbag or piece of jewelry – I just can’t make the purchase.
The conflict however, is ever present. 99% of the time my frugal mind wins the inner argument – but it’s nearly always a conflict.
Lovely to see you Ms. Aileen. So we both relate on the inner conflict, and our frugal mind often gets in the way too…. I am trying to remember your glasses from New York, that must have been it. I have LOST one of my designer glasses and it nearly drove me nuts ….. sigh! But then I bought another nice one and it is worth every penny. Recently, we bought a Vitamix and that’s worth every penny too – this was after breaking 4 blenders along the way. I love top brands, although with Prada, it’s not about quality at all
Thanks for coming by, Aileen!
This is my favorite question of all, because in my world Coach is way over my threshold.
We’ve built three houses, two full custom. We spend a lot on computers and tech. But cars, fashion, anything “statement” worthy, no way. I was raised by two Great Depression kids with a Consumer Reports mindset. Work hard. Get the most for your money, every time. Make it go as far as you can. Save and give a lot away. There’s just no way on earth I will get that out of my system.
More to the point, perhaps, I will never, every buy something for the brand. In fact, I’ll refuse to buy it because it’s a brand.
Hi Alison, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can see the rational mindset has taken hold for you and worked out really well. I really enjoy brand names and top notch quality, even though after a certain point, *more* quality becomes questionable. For example, my computer and gadgets have to be the top brand – and these days, Apple is the only thing I want to use. Do you not see the value for a good brand even for things you care about such as gadgets and computers?
I think there’s a fundamental difference between “valuing a good brand” and wanting to buy a particular brand in a particular city (Does buying it in Tokyo make it more Prada?), when “you would get just as much value in a brand such as Radley.”
For example, we bought our first Mac in 1985, just weeks after we married and when we were poor college students. We currently have, I think, 13 or 14 Macs. But we didn’t buy them for the brand, we bought them — and have all along — for the functionality and productivity.
When I was in college (business major), I was required to take an entire semester class to learn how to “use” (meaning minimally function) WordPerfect and Lotus 123. In that semester, with a professor, I learned a fraction of what I had learned on the Mac, without even reading a manual. It was intuitive and still is (although I read manuals voraciously when I get new software now).
Back in the day when Apple allowed cloning (I am that old), we had a couple of Mac clones because they worked very well and the price was much better. But alas…
In other words, I’m not seeing any functionality, productivity, or even style that makes a Prada (or any PURSE) worth $5,000. Unless, of course, having people say (or think), “Wow, you are amazing because you have a PRADA bag!” is worth $5,000.
But, like I said, I’m not paying for that.
If people don’t think I’m amazing anyway, it will have to stay that way.
For the record, I think there are a lot more efficient ways to get people to think you’re awesome. Like giving $4,980 to a worthy charity and buying a $20 bag.
Farnoosh, you are awesome and I think only you have the right to decide how to spend the resources you earn (I’m rather libertarian leaning), but since you asked the questions, I’ve told you what I think..
Hi Farnoosh,
I appreciate your work, your energy & your spirit – you are an inspiration!!
I am a first time responder to your blog, thanks for the outlet, here goes.
To answer the question, yes, I have some pretty outlandish desires – it’s a part of human nature. I’d like to think that I’ve learned (to the best of my human ability) to balance & to keep them in perspective.
I was in the mall Friday and saw numerous items – feminine tops, shoes, dresses and more – the current clothing market is filled with items that I love; however, I know that this is not my season for purchasing. So – I look and enjoy without allowing myself to wander into wanting – discipline (my reality – knowing that it is not my time to shop).
When I am in my shopping season, one of the best ways that I know to bring balance between wants and needs is to ask the self a few simple questions (this is what I do), “What’s the real motive here?”, “Do I really need this particular item?” or “If I can afford it, then what’s the problem?”. If something is nudging me about purchasing a particular item – I examine a bit further.
Perhaps more importantly than the item itself – is the soul’s request for an unrealized perspective -regarding the item – attempting to reveal itself. In and of itself, there’s nothing wrong in wanting…when there is an inner-question – a tug of war – it warrants inner-examination, an answer from within (this is my belief).
Life has a way of teaching us more about ourselves through the questions that linger within us (this has been my experience). When we are conscious that we are questioning ourselves (or being questioned) – we’re listening, we’re paying attention – we also have the answers~
Stormie Steele
Dear Stormie, I love that you felt motivated to share this powerful and insightful response here. And thank you so much for being a reader. I must say that the responses such as yours have taught me more in the course of writing this post than anything else I tried to learn on my own!
I love the questions – and I love the honesty and the gentleness with which you ask them. I am going to steal them away and use them in my own little tugs of war, if that’s OK
!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, and for taking the time to do so. Please come back anytime. I certainly have learned a great deal in our small exchange and look forward to more, Stormie.
I worked in a shop and it’s weird, i’d had no money and lived without going into shops for a long time, so it was like suddenly being surrounded by sweeties (candy) all the time. Fortunately i couldn’t really afford most of the stuff, but because you’re stood there staring at it all day, desire that if you walked past it would barely reach ‘Nice!’ intensifies into powerful obsessive lust – and yet, over weeks or months, it dies down, like fire extinguishes itself. Other things i’d seen for ages i would suddenly get a crush on… It was so strange. Now i’ve long since left a shop, my zen-like attitude to desire has faded too:( On the plus side, i have this bag and it is the loveliest ever and it’s made by people with leprosy. It is the softest leather i have ever come across, but it’s not a brand name. (I’m not a bag expert, i only know it’s my best bag, and i have a lot!) I just feel sorry that they haven’t sold many when it is so much better than more expensive things, that is why i am putting it here. Brown Leather Bag
Dear Maria, thank you so much for sharing your story. I generally don’t allow links in my comments but I wanted to make an exception and support your wonderful gesture of love toward these bags, thank you so much for sharing your story – I have always wondered about what you talked about – the person who works in those shops, how do they feel about the luxury surrounding them? I think it’s very interesting how you explained it and it’s really a life lesson. Thank you thank you again for coming by. Now I am off to look at that soft leather bag
!
I LOVE that you address this, Farnoosh. I encourage you to fulfill your Prada desire.
I’m super passionate about luxury & desire, and I see it in a very different light.
I go deep.
Life is all about more. Always has been.
More population, more value, more economy, more creativity, more evolution, more variety, more happiness, more standards of living, etc.
So since LIFE on a very primal, timeless level, is about MORE, then…
wanting MORE for yourself = wanting LIFE.
wanting LESS, cutting back, lack, scarcity, and so on, generally = FEAR of life.
wanting MORE SIMPLICITY is fantastic.
wanting LESS ‘CREATIONS’ is anti-life.
Anyway, that’s a taste of my view — luxury + love + good karma + success all go hand-in-hand together.
Thawtz?
Jason, it’s been a while. So happy to see your face here. Welcome back, my friend! Wow, you are getting really philosophical on me, but I love that you see how it all meshes together, and that perhaps my Prada will bring me good Karma, is that right, Jason?
!
!
I doubt I will fulfill the Prada desire anytime soon but I am going to have one someday, JUST BECAUSE.
Thanks for coming by and I hope to see you more soon.
WOohoo@ Great to be here, Farnoosh
Yeah, I’m known for my depth, but I always aim to deliver it in easy fun ways.
Spirit, sex, & style,y0.
And yes! You GET it!
The Prada bag WILL bring you good karma, it is the foundation of life.
I know you’ll have it.
P.S. You can always swing by my place, we cover similar things with different perspectives, and have a lot of the same online friends
Well, I love that style and I am all jazzed about the Prada, if not for style then for all that good karma.
Swinging over now…..!
That’s a combo of swing-by and come-over
!
lol! Rockin’ girl
I love it, and luxury & good karma’s what I’m all about – to the core
My career has been varied, fun and interesting; from SAKS to Tiffany & Co., early Amazon, etc. I’ve had the BMW, the Benz, multiple homes and a 5 carat diamond ring. My life now is green, organic, vegan. I don’t believe in guilt and I no longer have the multiple homes, 5 carat ring, the BMW or Benz. With that being said, I have been “selective” with my purchases. I do own Tiffany jewelry, some great Italian leather and couture. I feel very good about my purchases and have no regrets. All of my purchases have a story….they have a passport stamp to match. They are rewards for goals that I set for myself. I saved and didn’t break my budget. I love my life. It is simple, peaceful and balanced. If purchasing a Prada bag will bring you joy and it doesn’t break the bank, why not? Go for it girl!!!!
Avigayil, what a career and what a life. Love the excitement and love that you too have been selective!!! And I absolutely LOVE your approach to purchase, your comfort with it and your reward system. I have set a new goal that if I should meet, or rather WHEN I should it meet it, the Prada will be coming into my possession.
Thanks so much for stopping over!
It’s so funny and timely that I read this post today. I think I have been driving poor James nuts (in a good way) recently with my *obsession* for new (and beautiful) things in our condo. We have been in the midst of furnishing the new place and I have made this silent rule that only new and “chic” things are welcome into the condo!!
I am not sure where this obsession came from as I have not *ever* been this picky about material things (maybe because it’s my first home?). I have told James that all his bachelor things must go (unless, of course, they have some sentimental value to him) – his old couches, mismatched furniture and dishwear (LOL), etc. I am trying to justify this in my mind as us giving this stuff to his younger brother (a bachelor) and/or giving to the Salvation Army. Someone else can get good use out of these things, right? And in the mean-time, I can justify new and nice things for us!!
So since I’m on this out-of-nowhere-no-sure-how-long-will-last luxury phase, I will give you my full support for a new Prada bag!!
I say, you’ve worked very hard, you deserve to play very hard, too.
Hi Negar, that’s so funny
First, congrats on your condo – how exciting. Are you and James living together now? The first few months are the most challenging…. And as for splurging, we waited until we felt comfy affording some nice stuff and then we went for a total re-design of our entire first home. It was a wonderful period of time in my life. I loved it. Then we did it all over again for the new house. I say do it, and don’t feel bad about it and I’m gonna get my Prada when I hit some business goals first. Lots of love to my sweet cousin!
Thank you for the congrats! We haven’t officially moved in yet as James still has his house in Indiana on the market and I am still packing up my things! =) It is almost fully furnished now, though! Lots of love back to you!!
The methods stated in this paragraph around the subject of to increase visitors at you personal web site are in fact fastidious, thanks for such good piece of writing.
{ 1 brilliant comment, Care to add another? }