Welcome back to Episode #4 of the Smart, Opinionated and Fabulous podcast. In this episode, we talk how you can say no and feel good about it and how you can get to yes on something that you really want. What are some of the root causes that compel us to say yes all the time to the demands in our relationships? What are some of the reasons that we give up before getting to yes on something that really matters to us? We explore these fun topics with you today with our own stories and give you plenty of strategies to tackle each one in your life.
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Your Every Other Wednesday Show Notes:
1. What is the one reason we end up saying yes all the time to our family and friends and even to our bosses and how to stop it. Why it’s a mistake to say yes all the time in your career.
2. How you should learn to set expectations even with your own family and friends so that you develop new habits and stay true to yourself.
3. A personal story by Aileen at a California gas station and how she would treat that same situation today. Plus simple, effective and practical tips that you can put to use right now on how to say no professionally.
4. How to manage that ultimate feeling of guilt brought on by family members when you feel like saying no and how exactly to respond to that.
5. Learning to put boundaries on other people’s expectations, special tips from Aileen on how to talk to the boss, and the main reason you should not fear getting fired. Plus a quote from Offices Space.
6. Aileen shares why saying no was so difficult for her and what it has done for her to learn to do this now in her new career and relationships, and how you can learn through practice to do the same.
7. Resources that we mentioned as an extension to this conversation:
- The power of positive confrontation by Barbara Patcher
- Civilized assertiveness for women by Judith McClure
- Handling verbal confrontation by Robert Jerard
- Getting to Yes by Roger Fischer & William Ury
8. Our secrets on getting to yes when you get no response or a “maybe” or an initial “no” from the person that you are asking for. Aileen gives practical tips on the verbiage front and Farnoosh gives practical how-to on using practice and persistence on getting to that yes.
9. The real secret to changing the initial “maybe” and “no” to a “yes” by going back and using this single one tactic that Farnoosh shares here from her corporate experience. Trust her, it works!
Your fabulous opinions and thoughts about the show:
Just to emphasize our heart-felt intentions: Aileen and I ask for your thoughts, crave your questions and love to know on what topics you want to hear about in this show. Tell us your thoughts in a comment and share the word on the podcast if you enjoyed listening!
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{ 8 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
I’ve never really had a problem saying no. I think that the bigger challenge is in surrounding myself with people (personally and professionally) with whom ‘yes’ comes naturally. Whether or not we consent to things outside the parameters of our comfort is often a function of the person making the request. I say ‘yes’ to my husband and children (and feel good about it!) for things that I would NEVER, EVER do for others. My ‘herd’ is fairly thin as a result. I have a small handful of great friends; I’m selective about my clients; and I nurture my family relationships discriminately. I feel good saying yes to those people – and those that elicit discomfort have fallen to the periphery of my life. Does that make sense?
Hi Ruth, it’s lovely to have you as a listener. It makes *perfect* sense. I would do things for my husband that I wouldn’t for anyone else and I would never feel bad about it and never think it a waste of my time …. well, almost never
Ok but seriously, I do understand your beautiful priorities and as usual, the new perspective you give and it is clear you are a writer, Ruth, because I could never weave words like you do. Thank you for listening and for sharing and for being a brave woman for not having any issues with NO! 
Thanks Farnoosh for your kind words. I’m enjoying your blog very much – you inspired me to write today about my yoga practice, and its impact on my life.
Loved it. You are inspiring me to look for Ashtanga all over again and I would if I could take being disappointed. I mean we have over 50 yoga studio all over this area and SO few focus on the Primary Series. Ruth, what am I to do? !! And I am very impressed by you. Keep it up and Namaste! Om Shanti
Hi Farnoosh and Aileen.
That guy who had Aileen pay $20 sure was bold in the wrong way. Who does that? Some cities are terrible.
Saying “no” 30 times a week and saying “yes” twice is the kind of thing that leads to two great projects being completed.
Buying time before committing is a genius move. Whenever I do that, I feel real smart. We have to do this as much as possible.
This is the Ailoosh combination.
Armen, thank you for the unique perspective here. I was so upset to hear that – I have no idea how I would react in that situation. I think for the sake of both of us, Aileen and I should stop pumping our own gas from now on
!
Thank you for listening. We love our male audience!!!!!
I stream SOF and the Daily Interaction at work when it’s quiet and I am working on my (daily) reports. Lately, I look so forward to coming into the office and running my reports because that means I can come on here and listen to an episode of SOF or the Daily Interaction! Great work, ladies! Absolutely loving this series.
You sure are listening to all of them! I have to tell you that we did stop doing the SOF podcast so there is probably just one more for you to listen. I miss doing it with Aileen but we had other priorities. The Daily Interaction continues though. Gosh, I am delighted that you are such a fan, and that it’s giving you so much motivation, Negar. THANK YOU!