I was talking to a super talented, smart, intelligent, and amazing friend of mine the other day – you know, the conversations where you share your deepest fears and desires and then suddenly you hear something that stops you dead on your tracks because it sounds so out of alignment with logic and common sense.
All the above?
You see, somewhere in our energy-infused intense conversation, self-confidence found its sneaky way in. Or wait, was it lack of self-confidence? Yes, I do believe that it was the lack of self-confidence.
How is it that the most talented and gifted among us is sometimes lacking this one crucial element to succeed on their golden path to their dreams? It did not make any sense to me that my gifted and brilliant friend felt this way and yet boy did I relate. Yeah, it’s hard to admit such things but my story has a good ending and hers is just about to begin and it might just help you too so do keep reading.
I related because on so many levels, I have felt that way too often in my life. And clever that I was, I have managed to hide it well, which explains why no one from my past will ever describe me as lacking any confidence of sorts. “Who? Farnoosh? Ambitious and confident, that woman!”, “Yeah, she always seemed really confident!”, “Oh yeah, the Iranian chick? She had no confidence issues. Nah. Not her!” Ha! How I fooled them all!
Instead, despite constant accomplishments to reinforce my own worth in this world, I always felt a massive lack of confidence in my abilities to make it as a true success. Of course, being on the wrong path and in the wrong place for over a decade did not help matters but seriously, that is just an excuse.
Ideally, your self-confidence should be immune to the outside world. It should be invincible to noise and clutter. It should stand on such a strong foundation that it weathers any storm rather than shake like a leaf when some stranger out there says something generally stupid or entirely unrelated to you or when your client complains that your fees are too high or when a new friend says that the way you do business is not how she is used to doing them. Your self-confidence should not so much as wink when you get attacked, harassed, criticized or questioned.
If you believe with all your sincerity that what you are doing and how you are doing it is right for you, then be very careful what you choose to believe. You certainly need to take care of business when people treat you poorly and preferably cut ties with those who no longer serve you well in your personal or professional life (another topic for another day) but to let your self-confidence get tainted? To allow strangers or even friends and family and peers have that much power over you when you know deep down that you are worth every ounce of your dreams in gold, now that is just plain silly – ok, I really wanted to say stupid! – not to mention extremely harmful to your success in life.
Anyway, listen, do not feel bad because I have let my self-confidence go to pieces and so has my brilliant friend but there is good news: it is something we can reverse and change and set on the right course.
For me, it was not until I started to exude with self-confidence in every cell of my body that the pieces of my puzzle started to fit. If it were not for my self-confidence, I would never leave the corporate world, create a business infused with art and creativity, give up years of certifications and investment to start over from scratch, launch a podcast and let the world hear my voice, or create videos and share my skills and ideas in hopes of improving other people’s lives.
No way! I would always let others do it.
Funny enough, the kick in the butt for me was in fact watching others do it, and these others, I know them to be far less experienced, far less knowledgeable, far less qualified, far less talented, and yet they have proven to me that all the other stuff has little to do with eventual success because in the end, it comes down to who has the guts to go for the gold! These others (reminds me of TV show LOST) have the confidence to claim their dreams. If they can do it, why not you and me?
Because if you lack self-confidence, you might as well go home now. Or you gain it by reading the famous words of Marianne Williamson:
“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”
When I finally found my roots and my foundation, I proudly stood on my own two feet and grabbed hold of my self-confidence – the poor thing had taken a huge beating in corporate life and engineering school, and in a stern tone, I commanded it to stay put and not ever think about deserting me again because we have work to do in this life and we badly need one another, my self-confidence and me.
The simplest way to awaken your self-confidence is by asking the right questions:
- What are you afraid would happen if you are full of confidence? [Immediately followed by] SO WHAT?
- What is the worst-case scenario if you are never confident in your abilities? [Be honest!]
- What is the best-case scenario if you are wildly confident in your own amazing abilities and your fullest potential? [This you shall not know until you try]
- What is there to lose if you just try to find out the answer to the previous question?
- What does it feel like to be full of self-confidence and what can it let you do with your life? [Think of seriously confident people you admire to answer this. Heck, sometimes even they feel low on confidence and yet they manage to hide it and thrive]
So my darling readers, look deep inside you and take hold of your self-confidence today – or preferably right now – because if you do not have this ally on your side, the war out there is going to be disappointing and you might be looking at casualties rather than the happy returns you are dreaming about. That’s no fun, especially after you’ve been there and done that. It most certainly does not interest me.
Let’s come out as the warriors we were meant to be: strong, tall, full of purpose and intention, and supremely confident. What do you say?
Use Your Inner Powers
Bonus: 21-Step Confidence Building Series