How inconvenient that it takes extreme sickness, the onset of depression and the depth of frustration to make us wake up to the reality of the situations in our lives! How annoying that it takes a mountain of stress to make us realize the harm we are doing to our bodies and the poison we are putting into our pure intentions!
Sometimes, a wake up call is just too rude and the awakening resulting from it far too unavoidable. Taking a risk – with every uncomfortable turn in our stomach – becomes more palatable than not taking one because the fear of regret is not just the greatest fear in our path, it should be the only fear!
Oh but the delicious talk of risks is one to set aside for another day because there is another topic on my mind today for you lovelies. The only way to make the horrible past week not seem in vain is to share it with you before I put it completely behind me.
There is an awful force at work around us and I must warn you against it, should you be so lucky as to have never experienced it. It is a power so strong that it can penetrate even the most invincible ones of us; a wind at night so subtle and yet so cruel that it can cripple a prolific life even while asleep.
It is the scariest D word of them all. It trumps Dilemma, Delirium, Distress, Desperation, Discouragement, Dejection, Difficulty, and Despondency altogether. It is Depression and even the onset of it should sound a loud alarm and call you to immediate action.
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Sometimes you just have a bad day – or even a bad week. It’s not necessarily a sign from above to change your entire approach to living or to even make drastic changes. Challenge is ever present everywhere. Change is imminent in life. I welcome both with open arms. Difficulties in life add color and spice to an otherwise dull journey.
It is the signs of depression that should cause you to pause, reevaluate and reconsider your game plan.
This week I learned that …
… I really don’t know how to manage depression well.
… depression can pay a visit even to the happiest soul and disrupt even the sweetest life.
… I am very tough but I can no longer compromise my ideals.
… stress can bring about sickness, accidents, injuries, pain and even depression.
… good health is my greatest asset and peace of mind my strongest ally.
… I am in love with my dreams, my pursuits, and my plans for a new way of living.
… time, peace of mind and fulfillment of the heart are far more important than money (this may not sound shocking to you but coming from a proud material girl that I am, it really is!).
Depression has certainly shown up in my life before. There were depressing times in my career, depressing days in my relationships and certainly depressing situations in my life. But you see, I thought I had my act together by now and that all of my great ways of living would no longer permit an entrance to the evil force that is depression. I thought that I was simply above depression.
This week proved me wrong. And I really don’t like being wrong when it comes to my capabilities and my tolerances.
One week may not seem long but it does not take too much time to notice the signs of depression. I was shocked in how quickly things spiraled downhill and how I became more of an observer than the one in control of my reactions to the events.
Here, take a look at my far-from-comprehensive list of signs just to see what a lot can happen in the span of one week:
- If your beloved routine has crumbled around you.
- If you are no longer interested in doing any of the activities which you usually pursue with mad desire.
- If you find yourself standing in the kitchen multiple times a day, doing absolutely nothing with an insane number of things that clearly need some doing.
- If you are feeling aimless, even during a purposeful walk, and beyond unmotivated, even toward your deepest passions.
- If you have traded your exercise regimen in for unsatisfying work and useless worry.
- If you have lost your appetite and your interest in food when you usually eat voraciously all day long.
- If you are acting clumsy and erratic and paranoid and overly emotional.
- If you find yourself arguing even with someone who fully agrees with you (this one has got to be exclusively me!!).
Then you just might be looking depression in the eye and this, my dear friends, and it is a serious enemy to quickly kick out of the sanctuary of our homes and hearts.
Precious few things helped me this week but they now – even more so than before – rank among some of the most important gems in my life:
- Meditation and listening – really listening and hearing – the desires of my heart.
- the reassurance, infinite love and care of my husband.
- the listening ears and invaluable wisdom of my brothers.
- the refuge in mother nature.
Today I am seeking the refuge in paradise and as I travel there, I will learn to let go of what no longer serves me well and I plan to seal the deal on the ultimate life changing decisions that will shape the next decades of my life. Today, I threw out depression with a kick so severe I hardly expect it back anytime soon.
So however grounded, strong and balanced you may be, do not think yourself impenetrable to the sting of depression. Beware of the signs and be vigilant about any alarming signals from your body, heart or mind. Depression may be a beast – sometimes, it only threatens from afar and other times, it may invade your home – but as long as you know the beast exists, defeat it you shall.
Have you had an encounter with the beast yet? Care to share what you learned and how you managed?
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{ 63 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
What a timely post. I myself have been down in dumps and it is indeed scary. Everything in life stops which makes us sink deeper into the depression. You cannot imagine how liberating it feels to know someone else who is going through similar days. This post has given me energy to do something about myself. I thank you for that. This evening as the sun sets and there is a calm of dusk spreading, i will meditate and let all worries go. Right now i am leaving my computer and heading out into the backyard to take in some fresh air and sun. Hope others find similar courage to tackle depression head on.
Dear Safan, you were the first person to respond to this and it came at just the right time for me so I am happy that our communications were sent at the right times. Oh everything in life does stop when depression or just the onset of depression takes over. Its power blew me away. I hope that meditation embraced you with warmth and much strength to see past your recent troubles. Keep me posted and so happy you enjoyed the post.
NOW I understand your responses to some of the things I’ve said in the last week or so. Farnoosh, I was about as bottomed out as you can go more than 20 years ago. That’s when I really started applying the knowledge of being the creator of my reality. It takes awhile to really cement it, as your experience takes awhile to catch up to your belief. My wife over the last five years or so, has battled great depression and has luckily come out on the top side of it. Although, she knew my beliefs and did see that they, in fact do work, it was getting the help of a trained professional in Network Spinal Analysis to help her gain balance. Donaldepstein Since, going through several months of the treatments, she has started to realize how to do the work herself and I can’t begin to tell you how much of a change has occurred to her and our life together. Sorry, for be so matter of fact in my comments about balance and health. I never do anything with ill intent, but do realize everyone is at different point in their journeys and also different levels of reception. I CAN tell you from what I read, you are doing good work and I fully expect you will continue to grow in great stride. Surround yourself with as much positivity that you can and be “selfish”.
Hi Vic, sorry I did not mean to be cryptic but it was a rough week. I can see that both you and your wife have gone through major challenges and I am so so happy that you brought health and well-being into it. I can’t help but embrace that. Sometimes, though, the depression may come on so strongly that no matter how healthy we may be, it may just knock us off our feet and it can be from a long-sustaining problem that has just been growing. Nonetheless, your advice is opening me up to even more of what matters, thank you for that, Vic.
This post totally hits the spot for me! Thanks a lot, Farnoosh!
I do hope that does not mean you are under the influence of the terrible D and that this post gave you a great boost instead. Big thanks and hugs, dear Sahar.
Hi Farnoosh,
I have dealt with depression before when I was younger. Those were long years of ineffective thinking and downward spiral where I could not accomplish anything. But from the pits I did learn how best to effectively manage my depression. Here are the ways that worked best for me.
1. Focus on the solutions, not the problem
This is the bedrock of my thinking. It is also by forcing myself to adopt this mindset that allowed me to finally manage my depression. This means that I give myself no room for negative thinking. Instead, I adopt a pragmatic approach to every problem and try as far as possible to use my energy in effective ways. Nowadays I am usually calm and composed, but if something does manange to shake my balance, just by focusing on the solution, I am able to return to my balance. It is simply because when we remove the root of the problem that depression disappears by itself.
2. Pay careful attention to nourishment
How you nourish your mind through what you read, watch and listen to is very important to dealing with depression. Good things and philosophies can uplift you, bad things can bring you down. When I feel depressed, I always look for something inspiring to read or watch. When I remind myself of the possibilities in the world if we believe and focus on the solutions, I gain the means to overcome my depression. I personally love to watch historical epics because I find it inspiring to watch people struggle and overcome great odds.
When the times are good, we should also pay attention to our nourishment. This is the period where we must cultivate ourselves and make good thinking a habit. This way if depression pays a visit, we know how to prevent it from overstaying.
3. Have heroes
Having role models and heroes who embody the qualities to lift you out of depression is also helpful. They serve as an anchor to the mindset or qualities which you want to have. Because one hero is rarely enough and risks growing stale and ineffective, I have a variety so that I can draw on and rotate them as and when I need to.
4. Know that everything passes
We have our good and bad days. It is a part and parcel of life. Whenever I am feeling down or depressed, I remind myself that this state will not last so I am rarely unduly worried about it. And true enough, when I wake up the next day, I feel better.
Thank you for sharing this important article!
Irving the Vizier
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Irving, I am the one that has to thank you. Please, make sure that you use your response for a post on your site because it is so thorough and helpful that I am trying to decide which to do first. It is so important that you have this key set of habits and tools in place so that when depression does strike, you are prepared and ready for it. I know that none of us is immune and you agree that it is part of life but to be so thoroughly prepared, it is only the way of the Vizier…. a million thanks for sharing this – I feel so much better and you might just be my new hero.
I’ve one good way to get through it. Whenever I feel depressed or demotivated, I start affirming good things. Affirmations are like instant happiness doses for mind. They quickly take you out of thinking and clearly tell you how good you are…
Hi Jaky, positive thinking and reaffirming the good things in life. Simple and effective. Good of you to share, thank you.
To answer your question Farnoosh, yes, I have had a couple of encounters with this beast. Like you, I was started when it appeared as I am generally upbeat in positive. The first time it happened it took me completely by surprise and I resisted with all my might. After almost 3 months of not sleeping well, not eating well and not being able to read (that was the worst, if you can believe it!) I finally acknowledged I needed help. As strong as I am, I couldn’t get through it alone. The gift of it was that I began to question why I thought I had to.
What I learned was that nature and beauty got me through the tough times and nourished me in a way nothing else could. This post, vulnerable and courageous, reminded me that there are times in life when we all need help. And it really is ok to first admit that, and then receive it.
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Dearest Sandi, it is wonderful to know more about you and how you dealt with your bouts of depression. And it’s funny what unexpected lessons come out of things that just seem annoying and uncomfortable. Yes, admitting that we need help is not easy especially for me and I imagine also for you. It’s the best news that you have gotten through it all and that you now know the best therapy possible for you is through nature and beauty. Thanks so much for sharing this.
For me, I always feel as if I need to know the meaning of life to counter depression, but in actuality, very simple things help me feel much better. Things such as listening to uplifting music. Socializing with a friend or 2. Taking a walk. Contributing to the community. Sleeping earlier and getting exercise.
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Thank you, Henway, for sharing these thoughts. Music is good but it didn’t help me this past week, sigh. It usually does. Of course getting in the mood to exercise was also another problem but you are right in that keeping all of those elements alive in daily life lessens the chances of depression, although it does not eliminate the darn thing altogether sadly. Thanks so much for stopping by here.
Farnoosh,
Now I understand what you meant in the reply to my comment on your FB page. So, you meant that more than illness, it is this D word that is top of your priority to tackle.
I so agree with you – we must all wake up at the first signs of depression and before trying to pull ourselves out of that quagmire again and again, give a thorough look at the what and the why.
The psychological factors cannot be discounted, but what I have found in my own case and in others’ as well is that – health (or the lack of it) plays a big role in depression setting in even among people with the most positive outlook.
Can you believe that often when we assume irritability, impatience and anger a part of a person’s nature and brand him one way or the other, he/she may be actually behaving that way due to some deficiencies in his/her body. Vitamin D deficiency can cause the worst kind of depression. Thyroid can trigger nightmarish depression in women. Lack of Omega 3 fatty acids in one’s diet may cause depression amongst the elderly and among pregnant and postpartum women. Women in menopausal age can suffer years of depression due to hormonal changes! Gosh. And, they may not even realize because otherwise, they may be perfectly healthy. And, Farnoosh, it shocks me to know that 80% of the world population is deficient in something as basic as Vitamin D.
So, though I agree that meditation, music and other holistic measures will sabotage depression, It may not exactly help if the problem is deep rooted – in the body and because of the essential elements it may lack.
Dear Rashmie, thank you for adding all the insights here. As I mentioned clearly in the post, I realized I *don’t know* how to deal with depression so it’s wonderful to get your advice and that of many others here on aspects that I never thought about. Nutrition is huge in affecting our moods but I did not realize that Vitamin D an Omega 3 fatty acids could be so important too. You are so kind to mention this. With my vegan diet, I have to make sure I get enough of these and more importantly, I will remember to spread the word to others so that with simple changes, we may turn depression into a less problem around us. And yes, my suggestions will not solve a deep-rooted depression; thank you for clarifying that. And thank you for being here for me, my dear friend.
Dearest Farnoosh,
Thank you for this real and honest post.
To answer the question you ask towards the end:
I am now 35 but probably my entire year from 18 to 19 years of age I was depressed almost every day. It was a surreal time in my life in that I seemed unable to put into practice almost anything I knew that would get me out of that bad state. What really turned it around for me was a couple of things: the first one was making a decision about a relationship I was in that needed to end. The second was changing my focus from my problems to helping out other people. A funny thing happened, I realized that my frame of mind was being unfair with my life since I was unconsciously making my problems bigger than they were while disregarding EVERYTHING great that I had going for me. As silly as it sounds I started taking 5 minutes each day every morning to just feel grateful for everything in my life. The rule was, I had to really feel it, I could not just think it, and it actually worked then.
To me Farnoosh, life is like the ocean: it flows back and forth and up and down in waves constantly but there is a light inside all of us that remains constant, present, undisturbed, untouched by the tide, the rain and the storms that jolt our life. If I can manage to connect with that light, and it is not always easy, I can bring myself to the truth about my life which is there are no problems right now. I was just commenting on your Friend Dave Ursillo’s blog that my father passed away 1 month ago. This last month has been one where I have experienced both incredible amounts of joy and the darkest pain I have ever felt in my life.
My conscious practice at the moment is: whenever those memories about dad come, whenever I am about to call him on his mobile and realize he is not there anymore, I let it come and hit me as hard as it needs to, experience the pain, stand aware of that eternal light I spoke about earlier and then also let it flow with force back to where it came from (like the ocean). Pain in life is inevitable but suffering is ultimately optional (even though it does not seem like it at times).
Thanks again for having the guts to speak your truth and sharing your soul with us. Thankfully for you, you have a lot of people (myself included) who are here for you and will support you on your journey.
Sending you light,
Bernardo
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Dearest Bernardo, it’s been just wonderful getting to know you and I am ever so sorry about the recent loss of your father. How incredibly brave and strong you are! The description of pain and suffering and the ebbs and flows of life and the constant source of energy was some of the most honest and heart-felt words for me and they will stay with me for a long time. Thank you so much for sharing all of this and know that you have a community of friends among us that can help you through, as strong and as grounded as you yourself are. Thank you Bernardo and I do wish you true peace. What lucky people surround you because you are so giving and thoughtful.
IMO this is a key to completing goals, to living our dreams. Our lives are where they are because of the path of the past. In order to change our lives, we have to do things that are different than we go easily or naturally.
When I teach goal-setting classes, that is one of the first things I try to get across. Your goal needs to be compelling. It needs to be MORE compelling that whatever it is that is keeping you where you are.
Such a great post, Farnoosh. Have a great Sunday.
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Hi dear Alison, it’s the hard thing to do, isn’t it? Changing the path and doing what’s more difficult than what’s more natural. I am about to make some of those decisions and it’s not easy. It’s so reassuring to hear this from you given that you teach these types of courses. It really validates my own decision. Thank you for the push in the direction I am heading. So needed!
A survivor of past crippling depression and present winter blues, I have little to add to this great conversation except a favorite image: depression can strike like monkeys invading headquarters. Even on bad days when they can’t be kept out, we can chase them off the control panel and keep them away from the PR system. I happen to share your diagnostic #8
, often a sign that a monkey has grabbed the microphone.
With all due respect to actual monkeys.
My dear Rebekah, thank you for always being a pillar of support and encouragement for me. I know some of your bouts with the beast and I too share your resentment for winter and the cold but I do love the comparison to monkey and I hardly think they are offended, those crazy wild uncontrollable animals
! Thank you for being here for me and for us and for sharing these thoughts.
Hi Farnoosh. I think it’s wonderful and courageous of you to share what you’ve been going through. Your tips are sure to help someone and to bring peace of mind to many. For everyone, there are days (or even weeks) that leave us very down-in-the-dumps. I’d like to add one thing though.
There are many people who suffer from clinical depression, so I think it’s important not to use the word too loosely. Having a “depressed” mood is nowhere near the same thing as being clinically depressed. Depression is a chemical imbalance, a medical disorder, that often leads to ruined lives, inability to cope, disability and even suicide. Out of respect for those who can’t just “throw out depression with a kick,” I just wanted to acknowledge that the steps for regaining control of depression may be much more involved than the steps for overcoming a rough patch in your life.
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Dear Nea, thank you for adding everything here that is valid and true. I don’t think I was losing the term loosely. The medical term for depression is certainly what you describe. Clinical depression is different from the mild depression that is not a cause of chemical imbalance but I think they are all different types of depression; I certainly was not talking about all-encompassing depression here for sure. And I don’t think anyone should take any depression lightly but especially the type you reference. My suggestions would definitely not work for a clinically depressed person, although I hope that it makes them seek serious medical help if they have not already. Thank you dear friend for adding the great insights here.
Dear Farnoosh,
Your recent depressed state of mind led to an insightful post. As we can see from the comments made so far, your post has blessed your readers and led to further valuable insights from others. Though you may have momentarily lost something that you value in your life, your experience has enabled you to again give something valuable to your readers. It complements your many stories of joy, happiness and success. Just as a picture arises from light and dark, colour and lack of colour, human stories come from both joy and sorrow. Of course, we all hope to finish with joy.
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Hi dear Andrew, so nice to see you. Yes, I wasn’t going to let the week go by in vain. So nice of you to see it the way you did and to appreciate this post to this extent. I love the poetic phrases and the beautiful description you use here. It is certainly bringing me joy and I hope to have brought good thoughts and hope with this post. You are so kind to be here, thank you!
Farnoosh, this is an extremely valuable post. Depression is a serious thing can (and has) taken over many, many peoples lives. I’ve witnessed it too many times and have had my challenges with it over the years. It is something that creep inside anyone – as you say,”do not think yourself impenetrable” and your observation about how incredibly fast it can take one on a downward spiral that often times a person doesn’t even know it happened. One great “clue” or sign – is that moment one sees oneself as the observer – not in control of ones emotions, reactions – not in control of one’s self.
How brilliant and kind of you to share your experience and the eight signals. It’s important for someone to be aware of the signs and to know that depression is a very real thing, all of us are susceptible to it in this lifetime.
Meditation helps, prayer helps, great friends who offer reassurance helps, physical exercise helps, being in the habit of being empowered helps – and often times counselors can be an incredible help.
Often times in life, depression is the darkness before the light of change.
Wishing you an amazing time in paradise. May you feel at one with your sprint and hear the guidance from within.
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Dear wonderful Aileen, thank you for adding such a more well-thought-out addition to this post with all of your experience and observations of the world around you. Now that I have healed a lot in paradise, I can see how awful I felt the past week and how easily things got out of control. Everything you say here is so true. All the support systems you bring to light are even more important and if some people lack those – either by not knowing about it or just not having the support for some reason – it can become such a serious problem. I honestly did not realize it was such a bad problem until my tiny encounter with it last week and now I have to be extremely careful and will also be more alert if I notice symptoms in others. Thank you for being my mountain of support and wisdom here and in our friendship.
Depression is not a stranger, it is a very common and natural guest in the human reality. Don´t be afraid of it, get to know it and it is much easier to handle.
This feeling pays me a visit every now and then and I have found the best way to treat it is to acknowledge it and welcome it. If I try to throw it out by force it might get quite nasty.
Gentleness and a smile can make even the worst feelings melt away.
So smile Farnoosh
and know things will change.
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Hi Tom, very clever – ok, I will not call it a stranger but I don’t want to get to know it too well
! I am sorry you have visits now and again from the beast but you know how to make it go away and that’s the real power and real secret. Thank you for the simple and powerful advice here, dear Tom. I really do appreciate it.
I find myself what kind of trigger could it be that caused someone so consistently positive in outlook as you, Farnoosh, to slip into this state.
Is it negotiable, and if so draw on your highest levels of creativity to find a win/win. And if it isn’t, is it time to walk around or even away from it? Never worth fighting battles that can never be won. Put your energy into things where it will be rewarded.
But you know all this, just hope you haven’t lost sight of it.
Warmest wishes
Michael
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Dearest Michael, it’s wonderful to see you here; it is rare but I treasure it when you drop by. Yes, it can happen to the best of us and it surprised me as much as it did others. I think there are things from which I need to walk away and that’s the conclusion of my experience from last week. Very insightful and smart advice here and I will use it, I promise. Thank you dear Michael. Hope you are well and that your blog is coming along well too.
Hi Farnoosh,
I’m glad you shared this because most people, myself included can be depressed all while pretending everything is fine. I’ve learned to pretend a lot all through my life.
Yes, I have battled depression and let me tell you it is nothing to play around with. I came to the realization that the things that had me down, are really not in my control. So I learned to let it go and when a negative thought comes in my mind about that particular issue in my life, I cancel it out and turn it into a positive.
Thinking on the positive side of things takes my mind off the negative. Resulting in me not worrying. I’ve found for myself that worrying leads to being depressed and that’s something I don’t need.
Take care,
Evelyn
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Dearest Evelyn, so so nice of you to share your story and most of all, the thing about pretending everything is fine. Don’t we know it! I know from all these comments now that depression can be even more serious than I could imagine so I am glad you have come to turn it all into a positive and know the warning signs and the danger of falling into it. Canceling negative thoughts is not easy but it can be done. So so smart, thank you for sharing, I will use all of it.
Oh gosh, I don’t know anyone who’s never had a period when he or she felt extremely down and miserable. “This too shall pass” is a wonderful mantra that I’d keep repeating to myself. If I find myself not feeling well nowadays, I simply take the day off!
Hugs to you! You getting some love, care and sun in paradise sounds like a nice antidote for depression. It’s not possible to stay miserable for long. So have lots of fun in the meantime!
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Dear Evelyn, you know, I think after reading all of these comments and talking to my friends, you are absolutely right. Except the very exceptional few, I think everyone has these bouts and oh that quote that is so well known, I should repeat it to myself more often than not.
The hugs all the way from Singapore are special and I am doing much better, thank you so so much. I love that you simply take the day off, Evelyn. Brilliant advice from a brilliant friend. Thank you for sharing!
Farnoosh,
As psychologist I know how difficult depression can be. I think there is a lot of shame around accepting and admitting we experience it. We think for some reason we should be able to make ourselves feel better!
Talking about it and writing about it are good.
I would add if someone reading this is unable to shake their depression regardless of what they do or don’t do, get professional help. So many people are against medication today. Yet those who are clinicly depressed may need it.
The main reasons I moved to AZ from MI. were because I don’t do well in cold, gray skies, and snow. It has helped me immensely.
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Hi Farnoosh,
It is so easy to deny the presence of depression in our lives or to force ourselves to attempt to ignore it or wait until it goes away. That is, after all, the general opinion of society, particularly among those who have never experienced true clinical depression. I was so depressed as a teenager that I attempted suicide and spent time in an inpatient mental facility. As an adult I have consistently struggled with returning feelings of depression and doctors have warned me that I may struggle with this my entire life. Last year I was very close again to attempting suicide but thankfully I have learned over the years how to seek the help I need. With the help of an incredibly wonderful and spiritual doctor, and a very warm and sympathetic counselor, and medication, I have recovered over the last nine months and am truly enjoying my life again. I don’t expect this to be my last experience with depression but I feel strengthened knowing that I have learned how to handle this disease and that the most important think I can do is admit when I need help. I hope you are able to find relief and happiness again, I am sure it is there waiting for you when you are ready. Blessings to you!
Dearest Maggie, thank you for being here. Oh my gosh, I can’t imagine being as depressed as you were as a teenager, even though I had many unhappy episodes! I am so sorry to hear your serious problems and so relieved that you are doing better. Please please always seek help immediately. If I remember right, you are a very young Mom and I know that you are loved by at least one little person. Please take good care of yourself dear Maggie and know that your blogging community loves you dearly. At least, I do. Blessings back to you and thank you so much for sharing your story in such honesty here with me and with others. I’ll be thinking a lot about you now….
Phases, phases, phases my dear. This shall pass too. Rest assured of that and when it will be over you’ll be able to look back and see and appreciate exactly what this phase that you are going through right now has taught you.
I just hope that you move on to the next phase soon.
Dear wonderful friend, Abubakar, with the recent events in Pakistan, I consider myself so fortunate and I am so happy that you were spared for us. Thank you for showing up here because I needed to see you. I am doing much better and everything you say here is true as usual. Stay well and safe please.
Farnoosh, thanks for this honest and brilliant post.
I lost someone dear to me because of depression, and had to learn that it isn’t called a silent killer for nothing.
I deal with depression by writing – even if it doesn’t make sense at the time. It’s a great way to detox the mind and spirit.
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Dear Anne, so nice to see you here. I am sad to hear of your loss and as everyone else mentions here, it’s such a serious problem. I don’t know the details and you do not need to share, all I know is that I feel so much for you in losing someone and hope that you continue to explore outlets that bring you peace and happiness….. writing is a great one. All my best to you and thank you for sharing this here with us.
I applaud you taking this on Farnoosh often a taboo subject beacuse most want the positive, the inspiring, the uplifting. Best to face things, get real and deal.
I once lapsed into a depression that is a spiral. At first you hover at the top feeling blue and flat and don’t seek out fun or perspective. This leads into being dispirited and you’re on your way to being low and then down and depression is next as you spiral into darkness.
The key for me was I shouldn’t have got into a black hole I dug myself.
Get help, get something new, get talking, get going and get thinking that life can change for the better tomorrow. But do so from the start when you feel a bit under the weather because your life is worth so much and you are worth so much more. Blessed peace Farnoosh.
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Dear John, definitely not a popular topic, is it? In fact, I am mostly met with the “don’t be so ungrateful” attitude when I have talked about my depressed moods lately – whereas it is the very opposite, I want to be grateful but some things just get in the way and I need to ditch them.
Thanks for sharing your story too and so glad that yet again, there is a happier ending to the darker days. Thank you for sharing them with me and everyone here. “get help, get something new, get talking, get going…” – love this and you make it easy to remember it with the rhymes. Thank you thank you, John!
farnoosh.. amazingly heartfelt post. After talking with you on the phone a week or so ago, I never would have thought of you as someone to have been dealt this card!! I am so glad you are open to the wise support of others.
I too have been very low.. flat.. of late. I am hoping it is the seaonal thing. Living in Vermont.. long winter.. single mom.. just feeling oh so.. F L A T.
not fun!
will take your advice
xx
T
Dear Tiffany, I was about to email you this week, believe it or not. I wanted to check on you and see how the blog is coming along for you. I am much better, don’t worry about me – and things happen to all of us. None of us are impervious to the natural ebbs and flows of life. I am sad to hear you are feeling low… very sad. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you or if you wish to talk again. Spring is around the corner. And I am sure even Vermont will have some warmth and sun soon. Thanks for your note and keep me posted.
Hi Farnoosh,
Depression may come in the life of everyone but we should find the ways to minimize it or to avoid it as much as possible. There are many terrible words related to D.
Regards
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Nazim, nice to see you again. Gosh, I must’ve skipped over your comment. Terribly sorry!! Ditto to all you say here. Here’s to eliminating it altogether rather than minimizing it
! How’s that?
Hi Farnoosh
I know. And I’m not going to say pull up your socks like so many people do when we admit we’re a bit down. We’re supposed to be “on” the whole time… but of course… this can never be possible.
My recent down time turned up some surprising benefits. I took a good look around while I was down there and because I am always trying to look for the good in people and things and situations… I actually found some good stuff down there.
They say we learn what WILL do by first finding out what WON’T do. I think feeling down [or depressed] helps us gain perspective. It’s the dark that reveals the light in our life. It sounds a bit cliche but true all the same… without the dark there can be no light. It’s metaphorical of course. And I read somewhere recently how somebody described depression as the cracks in our lives that let the light in. I liked that. It really meant something. And I got it!
Hope you will be back sparking on all six cylinders before too long. [I know you will] but meantime… take a good look around down there… you never know what good things you might find to bring back up to the top. Often down times come on the cusp of change. And change can be good.
Sending big hugs of encouragement from way over here. Keep going. You’re almost there!
Jean x
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Dear Jean, you are the most encouraging and motivating person I know – how you can go exactly where I need you and give me love and support in my heart …. I am better now and I have come to see some good from the depression but not until I got it a little under control and found some clarity.
I basked in this comment, in the words, in the way you expressed everything. You are a brilliant writer and you articulate thoughts and the intangibles like nobody’s business. Thank you, Jean, for sharing them with lucky me!!! I love the light coming through the cracks in the wall …. we find our will and our strength too. Here’s hoping I do something worthwhile so that it is not all in vain.
Did I say thank you?
Hi Farnoosh,
In this hardship-laden world, there are people who succumb to the power of depression. However, in the Philippines, I believe most of us do not see depression as an outlet to our problems. For Filipinos, depression is not a serious condition, it’s only in the mind. Maybe it’s because of our culture that we can still smile and be happy amidst all the bad things that happened to us in the past. I may have felt sad in some parts of my life – especially when I was figuring out my self identity during my teenage years – but I guess that’s normal. I wouldn’t call that depression because I can still smile and be happy after that. If you feel down – thinking about what you have now and the people who loves you can really lift you up and make you feel good.
What a wonderful post , glad I came by
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Dear Johanna, you know it’s funny, that’s similar to how Iranians deal (or rather, avoid) depression altogether. I am so glad to learn about your perspective – knowing full well that life in that part of the world where I grew up is hardly anything as blessed as the one I lead in the US. Culture has a HUGE role in how we perceive things and in your case, I think it is a very powerful way. Thank you thank you, I am gladder still that you stopped by.
Hi Farnoosh,
Thanks for sharing this article. That D word is a very dangerous one and it comes out of no where. We can be riding high in the clouds and when it hits us, we come plummeting back down to earth with a thud.
I have learnt that the important thing is to recognise when that depression comes and to accept that sometimes life will feel all too hard, but just keep on going. Know that often we will fail, but everyone fails. Realise that every time a door closes another one opens.
The sun sets, but then the sun rises, and with it will always come other opportunities.
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Dear David, so nice to see you here.
So you too have met the D word? Very dangerous and it acts exactly as you describe. Everything you say here is true – it’s harder to apply it during the tough times when we are so vulnerable and emotional but it’s the exact mindset and we need it at that exact time the most….
Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts here. I’ll remember them even more in the future.
This one is timely for me as well. I love writing, I have a ton to do around the house, and lately I don’t care to do any of it – not write, not nothing. And I don’t even know what it is.
My best guess is that there is change on the horizon emotionally/spiritually. Some old idea, some old way of looking at life that I need to shed and move on without. Makes sense to me!
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Hi dear Lou, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Hmmm, those feelings are frustrating but I’d say, listen to them, hear them out and then figure out a way to get energized about your writing – and of course, we all have obligations so maybe find a way that you can take care of those obligations without letting them overwhelm you? Maybe your favorite music as you work around the house? Maybe a good thought, a run down a favorite memory lane? Oh and look at the meditation post I wrote – or other sources online. I don’t know if you meditate but I want to suggest it; I really think it will help clear out the clutter you mention. All the best. Keep us posted please.
I’ve dealt with depression. Simple as it sounds, if you can make yourself, live as if you are not depressed. There is a lot of value in faking it till you make it.
Thank you, Dr. J, for coming by and for your tip. Fake it til you make it. Same tip I’d give a speaker who is nervous. I’ll buy that
!
I want to thank everyone here for your openness and sharing. It means a lot to me to know that there are other people out there who experience depression now and again. I find that what one reader said, in terms of identifying what the root of the problem might be, and staying aware of it, is really helpful. For example, right now I am feeling sort of blue, and I believe it’s lonesomeness sinking in after living in another country for a couple of months. Sure, I have friends here, but my girlfriends are travelling on and off, and the guy I am close with obviously has his own life too.
My boyfriend, family, and best friends are far away, and sometimes I miss picking up the phone and being able to call them…remembering that this is a part of my experience and that I am learning more about myself in the process has really helped me…that, and taking on new experiences, like salsa dance classes and hearing live music.
Still, I want to work on the whole meditation and sitting with myself part…it’s so hard to do when I know sadness is just below the surface.
Thank you and blessings to all!
Dear Meredith, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and leaving your comment. Depression is a very personal topic but I was ever so touched by all the responses, including yours. I have left my home country behind and have never stopped missing some things. But I am so proud of your approach on handling those occasional (Or more frequent) sad feelings. Music is the best medicine, and it’s not just a cliche but meditation, you will fall in love with. Don’t worry, there is so much more than just sadness below the surface – you are in for a treat. Give it a try. At least twice or three times and tell me how you like it. There is this Manifesto on Meditation ,which I wrote a few months ago. I hope it helps you! Come back anytime.
It took me years to realise that I had depression. It wasn’t until a few years ago when I finally sort help that I realised I had suffered with depression on and off since my teens. Even though I know the signs about always sneaks up on me and it takes me a while to recognise the darkness is back.
Hi Caroljs, welcome to prolific living. I hope you find a way out of your depression and have happier days ahead. It is a serious problem especially if it goes unnoticed or untreated so do take good care of yourself. Thanks for your comment.
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