What Guilty Feeling?
The guilty feeling is the uneasy, unsettling, not-good-enough feeling at the pit of our stomach when we fall short of delivering on all the promises that we made to ourselves – never mind that we made far too many unrealistic ones to begin with.
Guilt, the type which follows no crime, no offense, no misdeed and no wrongdoing – unlike Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment – and yet it survives with disturbingly large influence in many of us. Guilt, the kind that serves no purpose and has no good reason to exist. Guilt, the heavy burden we choose to carry about things we thought we would and should do at a particular instant in time but we fell short instead. Never mind how much we accomplished instead.
The remorse for what was left undone over the appreciation and joy of what was beautifully done.
Have you not felt it too?
It limits us from our full potential for no good reason whatsoever. It holds the reins of our life in its hands because we placed them there. In fact, it likes to hang around successful, smart, and able individuals like you and me because it knows well it can fool us into thinking that it has merit and worth. It tricks us into believing that it actually has valid business staying around and eating up our hours and robbing us of our invaluable energy and weighing us down with worry and anxiety.
The guilty feeling knows all this because we have proved it right.
We have welcomed it into our world, offered it our full consent, and let it set up residence within the most sacred part of our soul. We – the successful and the smart bunch – have allowed guilt to become a part of our existence.
With welcoming guilt, we have let go of joy and celebration. We have diluted our full potential for sweet success with this sour pill. Is it any wonder why we do not excel more when a genuine part of each of us knows we can do and feel much better? Instead, we choose heaviness of this burden, the guilty feeling, even after all that we accomplish. We know we would rather bask in the light, clear-minded, liberating and productive feelings instead.
And yet, we hesitate the better path and give way to the guilty feeling.
What does this Guilty Feeling want?
What is this overpowering sensation that plagues us when we are at the sweetest junctures of our lives, where we could choose to instead celebrate how much we accomplished, how many wonderful deeds we performed and how many lives we touched?
Oh how I sometimes spend the most precious minutes of the day worried and filled to the brim with guilt about ridiculous nonsense. Guilt about not doing more of something and less of another: Not writing more, not sleeping less, not connecting more, not eating less, not creating more, not goofing off less, not reading more – oh not reading more usually rules – and not playing less. And on and on and on.
If only I could reclaim those minutes as mine and those hours as power hours of creativity, thinking, planning, meditation, yoga, growth, and most of all, happiness and contentment.
The guilty feeling arrives at all hours of day and night to disturb our peace and to drench our enthusiasm. It can come to us at the break of dawn as we embark on our brand new day. Or it shows up well past dusk, with the day is behind us and the evening ahead, only to talk us out of the sense of our accomplishment and satisfaction.
It reminds us of all the things we did not do and the problems that we did not solve. It emphasizes how much more catching up we have today as a result. It zaps our energy and weighs us down. It provides no solution, no recommendation, no remedy and no help. It wins when we exchange our feelings of glory and fulfillment for those of deficiency, inadequacy, and incompetence.
The guilty feeling has no higher goal in mind. Its only goal is to see us robbed of ours.
How do we shift the paradigm of this Guilty Feeling?
Naturally, there is an upper limit to how much we can do but most of us are not achieving it – ironically, because we worry so much about achieving it. Frankly, we are capable of so much more if only we let go of the worry for it all.
“If we did the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.”
~ Einstein
The point here is not to stop doing things or to stop achieving or accomplishing or pursuing. The point is not even about doing less. Far from it, we can do so much more and in order to do them, we must remove the barriers in the way.
The guilty feeling is one such barrier on our path and one that is imperative for us to eradicate but how?
The guilty feeling did not originate overnight. We have nourished it – against our better judgment – for a while now. Just as bad habits do not take leave of us the instant we show them the door, we must prepare for a process rather than a single step here in eradicating the guilty feeling from our thoughts, our minds and our systems. It takes time to build and nurture smart habits.
We need a plan to rebuild our walls of confidence and our towers of contentment around our accomplishments. We need to build a relationship with ourselves. We can start with having a conversation with the guilty feeling at our next earliest encounter.
Here are my suggestions for the line openers:
What do you want from me?
I am not giving it to you this time.
I am not sparing you a minute.
I am making no room for you. I have revoked your permission and set myself free of you.
I have taken back the reins of my potential and my life.
I am throwing you out. I am shutting the door and I am not giving you another chance.
Because….
I am happy with the outcome of everything.
I am thrilled about how my day went.
I am ecstatic about my accomplishments today.
I am in awe of how many people I helped and how much useful work I did.
I am proud that I apply so much of my skills to good use.
I am happy to have learned so much in such a short time.
I am pleased with the turnaround in my challenges.
I am fulfilled with my good intentions and my results.
I will do more tomorrow. I will achieve more, grow more, learn more, help others more, engage more, solve more problems, answer more questions, write more, read more.
Yet whatever happened, today was a good day and I have no remorse about anything!
And as I wrap up a conversation with the guilty feeling, I give you a glimpse into it.
True, maybe I have published a few less posts than ideal for you lovelies lately but I have been working double-time behind the scenes to bring you more soon. First, there is the Travel Guide with focus on Fear-Crushing (for which you took the survey, right? right? Bet you did, so awesome you guys are!) Then, last week, driven by a compelling drive to create a rich and valuable guide on writing, I wrote a 6500-word manifesto that I can’t wait to share it with you! If you receive the newsletter, you will have it in your Inbox and if not, you will have immediate access to it upon sign-up with the newsletter as my way of thanking you profusely with my writing secrets. And there is more sweet stuff coming but that’s for later. Patience, patience!
And so slowly but certainly, I am eradicating the guilty feeling from my life.
Have you had a conversation with the guilty feeling and asked it to take leave of you yet?
Are you feeling stuck in business or life?
If you like what you see here, and want to know how to do the same for yourself, be it creating your business or blog as well as building up your confidence, then book your free 20-minute consult with me and learn my systems & tools: coaching page.
{ 67 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
Farnoosh, excellent post. Of all the things that motivate us to action – inspiration, education, excitement, passion – GUILT is NEVER one of them. This is why most New Year resolutions end in DISASTER! Because guilt just beats you over the head and replicates itself like the evil virus that it is. Yes, guilt serves a purpose if we’ve made a true mistake and hurt someone. Guilt reminds us of how we should never behave. But other than that, it serves no purpose. Eliminate it!
I have followed you on Twitter for a while and I can’t believe I never checked out your site. Big mistake I had made until now. You’ve got some great thoughts! Thanks for sharing!
Oh, and my own tweets? Find me at @thompsonland.
Dear Bryan, thank you so much for stopping by! Yes, guilt has never done me any good….I see I am not alone. I love how you articulate the effect of guilt….Guilt is so strong in some cultures, especially the Iranian one where I come from. Guilt and shame rule the day! But you are also right in that if we have hurt someone else, the cases which I clearly excluded in this post, then yes guilt plays the true role it was meant to play here….Thanks for the follow on twitter and very glad you stopped by and added so much to the discussion!
Guilt is a hard enemy to conquer. You can’t decide what is right. You get double minded. Frustration and truth collide. So, the best way to conquer guilt is to count your blessings. Think about why you did it and convince yourself that anyone could have done that. You were just a medium of happenings.
Dear Jaky, it is very nice to see you here again. Glad that I am not the only one fighting guilt. Interesting take. Focusing on what we have usually gives us better perspective in life anyway. Great reminder, thank you so much!
Jaky – I like how you say ‘count your blessings’. For me personally, I conquer guilt by counting my blessings – but counting them in a tangible way – I wrote down the positives that have come out of something I felt guilty about and by doing so, literally SHOW myself that like everything else in life – this is a balance. Of good and bad. And then I focus on the good and how I can replicate that moving forward without replicating the guilt ( ;
Hey Jamie, I love how specific you are being with your “math here…Lovely logic, keep it up and thanks so much for teaching us something!
Farnoosh, this is simply a wonderful article, without any more comments attached to it! I have even printed it!
Hi Radu, I hope the printout came out good! Nice to see you here. Thanks for your comment!
I feel guilt and worry are equal wastes of energy. I love the saying, ‘”You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.” If we live in the moment and are kind to ourselves (one of my goals this year) we will have no room for either.
Thanks for the post.
Wow I love that quote “You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.”…So well put never thought about it like that before.
Hi Barbara, so nice to see you back here….of course they are wastes of energy – I love that quote, I have heard i before but now I will remember it. Many many thanks….
<3 Lovely and articulate. Thank you.
Alison, how nice and what a surprise to see you here….so happy you enjoyed this post!
How do you do this? How do your recognise such a thing as guilt that is haunting us every day, pinpointing the problem and even solve it?! Chapeau.
I so recognise the things you mentioned! Gosh, how guilty I sometimes feel. Not having been able to write that post, forgotten to call that friend, wondering why you did not spend more time with your kids last weekend, etc, etc.. The fear of guilt is heavy, a burden to some. Wonderful how you came up with real solutions. Solutions that make you think.
Where does guilt come from? Are we spoiled with the abundance of opportunities in life? So spoiled that we feel guilty if we only grasped one of the many opportunities?
I’m guilty your honor…guilty of being taken hostage by guilt. But not anymore! Thanks Farnoosh.
Emiel, how nice to see you here….you know, I recognize guilt without a shadow of a doubt. There is no mistake that what I feel when I feel I have done too much of something or too little of something else is driven by guilt. And yes, maybe it is driven by abundance of opportunities, we can do so much in our life and we are constantly chasing one thing after another….And I love your play on words. Yes, about time you stopping letting guilt take you hostage anymore, Emiel
!
Beautiful prose, questions, and insights.
I find the most powerful shifts always start with asking better questions. It’s a simple, but effective pattern that paves the way.
Hi dear J.D., thanks so much for stopping by – Asking better questions of ourselves? That would help immensely to help us understand a million other things too – or having full-on conversations. Thanks for your insights here!!
Bravo Post! This one really touched me because as a perfectionist being guilty is my best friend.
It’s sad but very true. Just the other day I was feeling guilty for not going out because I had tickets to this event in town but I wanted to work more on my writing. I beat myself up for it because I felt I need to start having more fun. But just a couple weeks ago I beat myself up for going out because I thought to myself “Gina you are not where you want to be in your career you need to spend every moment hustling and grinding if you wanna be successful you don’t have time to play around.”
I just can’t win! LOL
But I like the line openers you suggested but I do have a question and maybe this is the perfectionist in me again LOL
What if you aren’t happy of what you accomplish that day? Sometimes I procrastinate (yes I’ll admit it
) and end up not accomplishing anything at all…how do I shake that guilty feeling then? And what if you aren’t totally happy with the outcome of everything? I know right now I can look and my life and while I’m extremely grateful for what I have because it could be worse…I am clearly not where I want to be in most areas of my life. How does one not feel guilty when it comes to those things especially if you know you are responsible for the way your life turns out.
Hi dear Gina Marie, how nice to see you here and thank you for your comment and for your question….I love questions!!
So here is my opinion because I meant to address what is and is not the guilty feeling in more depth in the post but opted out of it in the end.
Yes, I do believe we are fully responsible for where we are in life – well, there are certainly circumstances we cannot help but we can help our reaction to them…. – and I think looking at your circumstances now and where you want to be and thinking through all of the things that will get you there is super productive and helps you become so much more aware of who you are and what you want. It helps you set your goals and set your intentions and focus on ways to get you there….Feeling of guilt for not being there right now is USELESS. It is good to be motivated soooo much to not want to be in our current situation but guilt is remorse over what you did NOT do in the past – and about that, you can do nothing. I have regrets too, we all do. Motivation on the other hand can help you move toward your goals. So maybe you need to first ACCEPT where you are, and how things have turned out up to this point and be completely happy with yourself but then really push hard to get where you want to be. To get there, guilt will only play a detrimental role to you but inspiration, motivation, a solid plan and strategy, those are your best friends. You need new best friends, my dear. You see? Hope this helps?!
That helps alot. I think that is my main issue is that I don’t accept it…I always thought that if I accept a situation that means that I am basically giving in to it but I realize that situations don’t have to be perfect in order for me to accept it and honestly I’m probably where I need to be…after things do happen for a reason (at least I believe so) and by looking at it that way it makes it easier for me to accept it while still learning from it and making better decisions this time around. I guess I was always doing the best I could with what knowledge I had at the moment so in sense guilt is pointless. I’m work in progress but I’m try to keep this in mine LOL…thanks!
We are ALL a work in progress, GinaMarie and you know what, I believe things happen for a reason too and that we are exactly where we need to be right now – but with that said, you can still pave the most amazing path to your future so don’t let unnecessary guilt in but don’t stop pushing yourself either….! And I am sending you lots of courage as you make decisions and stick to them! So nice to have you here!!
Farnoosh,
What exquisite writing once again! Ah yes, the guilty feeling. You sum it up so well when you say that guilt serves no useful purposes. Thank you for these astounding tactics for eradicating guilt from our lives. May I suggest another? Just observe it when it comes and let it pass. That might work sometimes too!
Sandra, you spoil me with your compliments and I love it. I think knowing you, you must have this mastered well….Of course you can add as many more as you like – that’s why I have comments
! Your suggestion sounds meditative. I like it. I have another phrase that I use, “Acknowledge and Release.” – when I forget the hubby reminds me promptly!
Thank you dear Sandra!!
Hey Farnoosh,
I wish I could say I knew nothing about this, but I get that feeling all the time.
There’s so many things that I *should* be doing, and whenever I take some time off to enjoy life I end up paying for it with the guilty feeling. Aargh.
Now that you’ve put it into words here I can recognize it for what it is, and come to grips with it. I’m going to forward this one on to some of my friends who I know go through the same thing.
Thanks much!
John, you too huh? We have got to do something about this. It’s like we punish ourselves on vacation for not working and then stress about not taking vacation from too much work! Insane cycle!!
Thank you so much for sharing with a friend and I wish you the best in 2011 in eradicating the useless feeling of guilt and just being and doing your best and enjoying life!! Thanks so much for such thoughtful comments!
I love this post, particularly the conversation with the guilt feeling. Few things are more liberating than letting go of self blame.
Self-blame is an excellent other word for it, thanks Nea…..Yes, I have had to hold a few of these chats lately but it seems to have calmed the beast, so that is good news….So so happy to see you here and so glad you enjoyed this post. Your latest one is intriguing with that title… I will have to check it out!
Hi Farnoosh,
Awesome, just awesome!
Guilt comes from our concept of black and white. We think we should be one way or another and when we don’t fit into out neat little box, that’s when guilt comes along. We bring our maths lessons into life where we think there is only one way to get an answer and only one right answer.
We have to realise that human life isn’t maths, it’s art.
Hello dear Gordie, thank you so much and so happy you found it useful. And I must say I never thought of it this way but I am willing to adopt any mindset to get rid of this guilty feeling…..thank you so much!
Gordie – I always review the comments of the thoughtful readers of Farnoosh’s posts and think yours is a great one. You are 100% correct – we are all too black and white and this does drive guilt. I love that you say human life isn’t math, it’s art. What I would add to that is that if we can enjoy the journey and learnings of becoming the ‘artist’, the feeling of guilt may not run so rampant.
Jamie, you are so thorough – and I am happy that you notice the blog posts are incomplete without the reader comments which add so much to every single one and that includes you too naturally!!
All the thoughts here are so valuable, and if we only learn to apply them, I wonder just how much shift in progress and growth we can create!!
Great Post,
I have faced guilt a few times and come to realize that it steals from today. I am learning to live in the moment of everyday. This is something that I must remind myself everyday or guilt will try to creep in the back door. We can do the most with the day we have and when it’s over tomorrow is a fresh brand new day filled with new promise and unborn dreams.
Happy blogging,
Terry
“Choices’
Hi Terry, welcome to prolific living and thank you for your comment. Living in the moment is never a bad thing
! Perspective always – always – helps! Lovely perspective and I really like how you put it…..thanks for stopping by and happy blogging to you too!
Guilt whether justified or not can hold many people back. Always worrying about the little mistakes or remembering past ones is a common trend I see every day. It’s a part of our growth, how we deal with it is apart of our development.
Hi Dave, welcome to prolific living and thank you for your thoughts. It definitely is part of growth….I am hoping I am finally growing
! Here’s hoping we can learn to let go more and to apply ourselves more without the self-blame, regardless of outcome. Thanks for your comment!
Hi Farnoosh,
Yeap, I remember having my fair share of guilt when I was younger. It was definitely not an easy emotion to struggle against. If I were not careful, it would cripple and shackle me and hinder my plans to move forward. I love how you delve into the nature of guilt. Being aware of this odious villain gives us the ability to deal with it better. I also love how you have given us suggestions on dealing with the guilty talk that goes on in our minds. Managing our thoughts well is essential to ridding ourselves of guilt.
As far as I can I try to live a life without regrets. I makes sure I consider the big picture and the consequences of each action I make. This means considering whether I can fulfill a promise before I give my word for example. But when I see the chance, I never hesitate. Either I seize the chance by the horns and go all out or I make a conscious choice to let it go because I know I am not ready for it. By considering the outcome of events and being ready to act, there is less room for guilty thoughts to lay root in my mind.
Thank you for sharing this article!
Irving the Vizier
My dear Vizier, I can see you have mostly banished that “odious villain” (how do you come up with these great phrases?
) and yet you found some value here in my suggestions…I find yours far more evolved and love that you shared them with us here….Managing our thoughts is huge, it is such a massive task but it is rewarding in the end. Managing just the guilt away is a brilliant way to approach our days. Living without regrets is one way to achieve it – but I like even more your approach on seriously considering something before attempting it. Having that forethought helps us with the afterthought, no? Very very wise as usual, dear Irving. Thank you so much!
Guilt and her sister, shame…
we should all deny them entrance into our hallowed halls of self, that we may be richer, fuller beings because of their absence.
You are enough to just be. This is a lesson each of us must learn alone, and one I’ve wrestled with mightily just tonight.
crisis2peace.org is a mind/spirit opener for me tonight, after struggling so hard against the guilt of my physical self. I know you recently went re-vegan, and might be facing some of the same cleansing demons I am..
Thank you for this post–I don’t think my own raw writing would’ve spilled forth had you not inspired it.
Dear Jeanie, guilt, shame and self-blame together – we have got to manage these demons out of our life when they have no merit and no reason to exist….Yes I have gone vegan again although I told myself I wouldn’t spill the beans (no pun) about it lest it brings me bad luck to break it again but 11 days later, it’s been the easiest thing I have done even in the winter when it’s hardest for me usually to switch diets! Cleansing happens here and now….mostly I am happy and at peace and very excited about this year. I am very proud of how well you are doing in many aspects of your life and glad this served as some inspiration for you today!
Farnoosh, as usual, a most inisghtful and timely post. The last post I did on my blog was about “trimming the fat” – finding a systematic way to cut those out of your life that do not provide value ( ; and yes, when I first started doing it, I felt guilty about it. Even when writing the post, I was feeling a bit guilty about telling others how to cut people out of their lives. But here is what I did and here is what I DO to alleviate that “guilt”. I force myself to go back and think of (and sometimes even write down) all of the POSITIVES that have resulted from something I feel / have felt guilty about. It works for me. Similar to when trying to sell someone to “overcome a fear” – if you can remind someone – or even yourself – how you overcame a fear in the past, what your mindset was, and what resulted from it – you can bring yourself back to that positive frame of mind again.
Here is my follow up question for you; how do you differentiate between feeling guilty and feeling disappointed in oneself? For me, a lot of times I start out thinking I feel guilty; and then I realize I’m more so disappointed in myself than guilty as I KNOW I could have done something different / better.
And for every time I do feel ‘guilt’ peeking in, I make a conscious every to figure out what I have learned from a situation. To me, if I can review a situation, maybe feel guilty, BUT write down the take aways and what I have learned, I can turn that ‘guilt’ into a positive learning experience.
Dear Jamie, I love seeing you pop up here and share your thoughts and your challenges and ask questions….thank you!!!
You actually give me lots of food for thought about the travel guide I am writing, a portion of which is about crushing travel fears and overcoming doubts…(previous post) and I want to say thank you! Oh I love to check out that post now…Trimming the “fat” then, not the real fat in our bodies….going “lean” on relationships…it sounds very healthy!
As to your question: How to know difference between guilt and disappointment….For me, disappointment is more subtle, more sad than angry, more reserved and quiet and unsettling than the loudness of guilt in my head….I feel this unnecessary guilt about smaller stuff like oversleeping (til 7am, gasp), or not doing daily yoga or skipping a meditation session or not focusing the entire hour on something….but disappointment usually is when I have let myself or someone down, something I know I could have done better – maybe a huge oversight, maybe something I said that I feel so bad about, maybe hurting someone’s feelings without intention, maybe not being as generous or as patient or as kind as I could have been – Guilt that I talk about here is over stuff that really in the end doesn’t matter if we put forth our best intention. Disappointment is more over things that I really could’ve done something differently and that it would have mattered MORE….The way I deal with disappointment is to really really make sure I don’t do it again – like all the things I said up here….For instance, I don’t feel disappointed that I wasn’t as productive yesterday – I feel a bit of guilt over it – but I would feel disappointed if I didn’t do my best to help a friend or a family member or if I said something that hurt someone’s feelings….
Not sure this makes sense and certainly, they are *very* close to each other I just tend to put more stock into disappointment and make sure I avoid it in the future whereas guilt I talk about here usually has less merit.
Thanks for making me think…!
The title of this post is like a magic spell to me – “guilty feeling begone”. It’s a mantra that sweeps clean any sense of self criticism and gives an all round “aah” feeling like a soak in the bath for weary emotions. Thanks Farnoosh for waving your widsom wand.
Hi John, so nice to see you here. That is the way I talk to the guilty feeling, no fuss, no love
! Ah self-criticism, another great word for it! You are so kind with your words and I am so glad this helped. Love the poetic prose in your comment too, thanks so much!
Yes, guilt is the silent killer. It kills our ability to forgive ourselves, it kills our motivation, and it kills our hopes and dreams. Thanks for the great tips in overcoming this nasty feeling.
Dear Marnie, hi and welcome to prolific living! Oh I never thought of it that way but I know it has killed many a motivation and inspiration for me….Thank you for another vote of confidence in eradicating the feelings that do not serve us well!
Farnoosh, I like the idea of a “conversation with guilt.” – what a great way to gain some clarity and understand where it’s coming from, what it wants and how to then find peace with it.
I’m thrilled you are deep in your writing projects right now. You are on fire and it’s awe inspiring.
Hello dear Aileen, I am exhausted from writing the manifesto but it is coming together and I am pleased with it so far – I am counting on your thoughts later. Thank you so much for always and I mean always being a beacon of light and joy in my world!! You are *the* best! Thank you!
I am so glad you specified this! So often, people try to absolve themselves of guilt, when the guilt is serving a very important purpose and when, frankly, it is earned!
We should always look at our guilt to see it if is really our conscience telling us to do better, to fix something, to repair or correct. If it is, we should act on it! If not, then IMO it’s not really guilt, it’s just choosing to wallow in self-pity or beat ourselves up unnecessarily — and it doesn’t do anyone any good.
Alison, oh my gosh, of course! I am the LAST person to absolve anyone of any responsibility if they have committed anything of the sort that I excluded…this is the icky, useless, pitiful feeling we feel for not accomplishing the millionth thing in our day or for not doing everything we had thought we would the way that we would; it is the unnecessary self-criticism which serves no purpose. I trust that I clarified all of that. Maybe guilt is one of many names for it and as you mention, self-pity and beating ourselves up are other words…..nonetheless, the distinction is huge and we agree on this 100%, Alison and as always, thanks for sharing your thoughts!
I have learned to better deal with guilt. You’ve said it right – guilt does not serve any purpose. It merely weighs us down. We cannot change the past. And really, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. Let’s learn to forgive ourselves, even if we should feel guilty.
Great to hear that you’re all fired up with writing! We all go through inspired moments, don’t we? Keep the momentum going!
Dear Evelyn, hi and thank you for sharing your thoughts. I know you are one of the most grounded and peaceful people I know – the vibe and energy you give, even though we have never met, is unmistakable!
Thanks so much and can’t wait to share it with all my darling email subscribers!
The writing is coming along well but I am really tired from the formatting!
I have a feeling I’m going to be using those line openers soon, Farnoosh!
Ash, put them to good use! I can’t be happier to see them used over and over somewhere else. By the way, welcome to prolific living and what a gorgeous Gravatar icon! I love it!
Guilt has been regretfully welcomed into my life over the years. Having a child young and getting into things I shouldn’t have. Putting so much strain and worry on my parents as an adolescent. My daughter is 7 now, and I have learned to conquer the guilt and anguish. I have confronted my parents and apologized for all of my wrong doing and hurtful words in their direction. I am now in college, sophmore level, heading towards a doctorates in veterinary medicine and I am the happiest I have ever been. It is not easy being a single mom, fulltime student and a fulltime employee, but I play, study and work as hard as I can. There is no room for guilt anymore! I am free
Dear Jasmine, hi! Thanks so much for sharing what I would say is a much higher and more serious sense of guilt in your life. You sound so so young and yet I am so glad to hear you came through and made peace with your parents who I am sure helped you a great deal through your single motherhood and seem to have things under control. Even if you felt the guilt in your life may have been warranted – maybe sometimes we hold on to guilt for those reasons – it is nice to see you deal with it and put it behind you and move on. Thank you for sharing this, Jasmine and best of luck in school!!
Hi Farnoosh, excellent article. Manipulative people have been using guilt and fear to push others around or control their freedom since the beginning of time. So, why in the world would we want to do the same thing to ourselves? And yet, it’s such an easy pattern to slip into and it can weigh us down so much. You addressed this potentially painful topic beautifully. I loved you conversation with the guilty feeling. That was brilliant.
Hello dear Jonathan, I love seeing you here – it means I have done something special to attract you over
! Thank you for your comment! I don’t think we plan on having guilt at first but it manipulates its way in 
! We can’t help it… easy pattern to slip into, as you say – and thank you so much for the support. The advanced life skills expert that you are, I am very happy you liked my approach to the topic here, Jonathan!
Aha…that guilty feeling….I like how you kicked that good for nothing feeling in the butt
Your conversation or rather ‘say off’ with guilt will keep it away forever and ever{fingers crossed}
Such a beautiful take on such an important topic. And and and…if this ‘guilty feeling’ comes back to trouble you..you just send it my way…I’ve been conditioned to take care of these bad bad feelings for years
So Much love,
Z~
p.s. I await thy glorious writing manifesto…6500 words..you go girl!!!
p.p.s…or p.s.s…I don’t know…..but shukran for the link luv too and on a very special post….mwah!
Zeeenat, so nice to see you here, helping me kick guilt in the gut
! Next time, I am going to send it your way, first ticket and all so it gets there in no time. You are indeed the queen of taking care of bad feelings, the queen of positive provocations that you truly are, my dear friend!!
ps: The manifesto is *DONE* – I am done formatting, editing, designing, writing, re-writing, re-writing….not in that order….you should have it in your Inbox if you are subscribed to newsletter which I do believe you are!!
pps: As always, most welcome !
Wow! What a marvellous expression of thought! I like the way you put them in words. You are right, we have made guilt a part of our existence and as a result it resides in us. But like you said, it’s just a state of mind and not a reality. We can let go of it and feel at peace. Thanks for sharing such a great post. Well done!
Hi Anne, welcome to prolific living! Thank you so much for the kind words….Yes, I know, we have been relaxed about letting guilt in and we need to get back in charge…..It is so peaceful to be just ok with everything after giving it our very best shot! I hope to see you here again and you are very welcome!
I should be doing some work on a book I´m writing, but then sitting by the coumputer I thought it was a while since I visited Farnoosh blog so I went here. And I don´t feel guilty at all for doing that
Thank you for a great post!
Tom, if you were on the mailing list, you wouldn’t have to remember to check so often because my little robot minions send you stuff
! But a very clever example of not feeling guilty – can’t help but laugh. Thanks for your comment and for both of us, now back to work!! 
Farnoosh: I loved this post because I think it hit on something we have all experienced. It is so true that we really buy into the stories that we sell ourselves and if they are filled with guilt, we end up thinking we aren’t doing enough or moving in the right direction for no other reason other than, we have bought into a bad story. Thank you for bringing this top of mind. I really appreciate it and am so looking forward to your upcoming manifesto and travel guide. It sounds like you have been doing TONS OF WORK behind the scenes
Hi Sibyl, how nice to hear that I am not battling this alone. Why do we let guilt have such a rule over our life? Well, here’s hoping we give the useless guilt no chance at all…..The manifesto is DONE! It should be in your inbox if you are an email subscriber and if not, you can get it instantly when you sign up…Travel guide is in the works, Sibyl, and I am planning to make it into an awesome offer! You are so kind to push me with this encouragement….! Thanks so much for being here!
Hi Farnoosh,
Sometimes motherhood gets me thinking about guilt. I remember many times being at work and having a small guilt in my bone that I could be home right now with my son. And wanting so bad to give him the FULL life that he deserves. I think it’s important to understand your place, your values, and why your doing what your doing. Over the years, I have learned to embrace what I can do at the moment. If it is beyond my control I send it simple love and blessings. Guilt is part of the egoistic mind and in order to live a free life, we must let go of certain feelings that keeps us down.
Thanks for this thought provoking thoughts Farnoosh
However did I miss this amazing comment? Dear Therese, so sorry! I know *of* – not first hand – the guilt you mention because so many of my friends have felt it. Very sad. Of course you ARE giving so so much to your family but it’s a lesson that seems to be learned over time and on one’s own. I do hope that you are still in full bliss from what is coming your way. So happy the posts speak to you, Therese. Thanks for your comment and shed that feeling of guilt and just be happy with everything you ARE doing!
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