My first reaction is not my best one when confronted with unforeseen circumstances – even at my own doing – but to my delight, my second reaction seems to be improving dramatically over time!
On a beautiful Saturday morning in August, my first reaction when I promptly locked myself out of my house was paranoia. I had no car keys to go anywhere and no house keys to get back in. I ran down the street to my best friend’s house to see if she was home. I knocked hard on her door several times. After all, this was an emergency (or so I thought at that moment)! No one home. I called and left text messages in hopes of finding her while at the same time, telling my husband, who had just driven 20 miles across town, in too many hurried words that this accident is partially his fault (I reasoned it out, don’t ask)!
End of First Reaction.
Having given up on making it to class, I was walking back toward my house when an idea came over me in such a commanding voice that I instantly calmed down. I glanced at my ready-to-be-unrolled yoga mat against the locked door. I closed the garage door and unrolled my Manduka on the cement floor. I started to play Mary’s episodes on Meditation Oasis on my sweet iPhone and found a comfortable seat on my mat on a spot where it had served – until that day - no other purpose than the parking zone for the Acura.
I instantly felt an overwhelming sense of calm from accepting the situation – and funniest part is that I was not calming myself at all. I felt an energy or a force calming me. I was simply responding to it. I did not spend time fighting to be productive, anxious, worried, and agitated for the next 40 minutes. In fact, I felt a tiny sense of gratitude for not rushing to a 75-minute class with an exhausted body. Perhaps fate was hard at work or perhaps I see lines where none exist.
No matter, Second Reaction brought me balance and quiet. Maybe even an ounce or two of happiness.
First I noticed the lovely daylight coming through the upper portion of our garage door. My old house had no windows on the garage door. I had never appreciated daylight coming through those panes so much as I did that morning. Then I noticed the perfect temperature. It was not scorching hot at 10am so I stayed comfortable yet warm enough for yoga. And most of all, I noticed the silence save for Mary’s soothing, calming voice through the guided meditation. My neighborhood like all others has its share of tiny residents with loud voices and cute woofs but that morning, I heard only silence and quiet greeted me on the floor of my garage.
I did not make any decisions. I simply listened to my body and went through an easy and deep yoga flow. Upward facing dog. Downward facing dog. Pigeon. Hip opening. Lotus seated pose. I did not dictate a single pose to my body. I was not watching myself give a command performance. I was simply carrying out the cues from my hips, my shoulders, my arms, my legs, my back and my neck. I did every pose with ease and free of expectation.
When the second episode with Meditation Oasis started, I found myself on my back, studying my garage ceiling and looking at the bottom of paint cans left over from our interior design days from under the railing support and then I fell into a deep and sweet meditation zone.
Just be here. Yes you can. Wait and see what comes your way.
I heard these words. I felt their power. I surrendered and detached from everything.
I did not move a muscle. I did not engage a thought. I did not care what time it was and how much longer until….until what? Until I go back inside and continue with the rest of my busy day and myriad of activities. Until normalcy resumes. So what if I fall an hour behind? Maybe in the end, I fall a year ahead with this stillness and deep sense of presence and appreciation.
I did not close my eyes. A dear blogger friend, Sandra Lee (Always well within) once told me that she meditates with her eyes open. She said to me, “In my tradition, meditation is not about cutting oneself off from the world, but rather staying present with whatever is.” She was right. My experience was unlike all others. The less on our minds, the closer we are to true meditation. The more we try, the further we are from it. So I thought of nothing. I just stayed still. With the eyes open, there was no chance of falling asleep during this meditation. I marveled at being in this beautiful quiet trance of doing nothing and tasting complete stillness!
Thus I passed the next 40 minutes in my garage – now those are among the most well-spent minutes of my life. The rest of the day awaited me with open arms. There was no delay that could not be undone and no task that could not be accomplished as a result of this small change in plans.
I would have never imagined the best meditation would come to me in such an unglamorous spot as my garage. Yet if I had to plan it, I could not have outdone myself! In the end, it really does not matter how change and breakthrough happen. It matters only that we are receptive and welcoming when they do!
As for meditation, quite obviously, any place is right. Any posture will do. Any mantra works.
I changed my thoughts and therefore my reaction. Simple, don’t you think? Simplicity rarely implies easiness. The simple idea of having a positive attitude in a bad situation is neither easy nor practical when anxiety, stress, and frustration are such easier reactions. Sometimes, it’s all we can do not to yell at someone dispensing this advice.
Alas, they are right, it does work. It is brilliant. It is rewarding. It is the best way to face the day and all that comes with it. Every time!
Next time something goes awry in life, I promise myself to turn the situation around with a creative approach, a quiet logical mind and a receptive heart and a dose of patience.
Can you do the same?
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{ 58 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
Hi Farnoosh
There is an old saying – “every cloud has a silver lining” – your post made me think of that. When things are dark and stressful just taking some time out to look at the cloud and let it unfold its silver lining can be priceless. What better way to do it than to meditate.
Thank you for an inspiring post
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Marion, I have heard that wonderful saying and I still to this day like to have the American/English sayings translated or explained so I can understand them since I did not hear them growing up – and you have given this one a beautiful explanation. Thanks so much for enjoying the post and sharing your thoughts!
I believe that we don’t actually need to master our emotions. Doesn’t mean I don’t agree with you or that experience of yours, but I’m just trying to tell that the best way to master our reaction is through being ourselves. We should decide what we want – peace or proved right. When we take a decision to always be happy, for example, we try to do everything that makes us happy. Quite similarly, when we decide why we shouldn’t react to something (yeah! list it) we make way to act in that particular way automatically.
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Jaky, interesting point. You know, I always wonder where does our personality end and our self-improvement/change begin? I have had so many discussions about this with my hubby – if we don’t want to change something about us, is it because that’s part of who we are or is it a weakness that could be improved? Believe me, being my innate self would have been stressing for 40 minutes in that garage so I did something very unlike me! Thank you for adding the perspective. I may just not be fully grasping it, in which case you are welcome to elaborate but thank you as always nonetheless for sharing honest thought here and for being a loyal reader!
Beautiful story, Farnoosh! Like you, my first reaction to a seemingly negative situation isn’t always the best one, especially when I’m driving. I used to get really worked up by all the rude and crazy drivers out on the road, and at the terrible inconvenience of traffic. Over the past couple of months, I’ve been practicing a “meditative mindset” while driving. When something happens that would normally get my blood boiling, I try to observe that feeling for a moment, then take a deep breath, and let it float away. As for dealing with the traffic…I’ve been listening to a ton of audio books lately…now, I don’t mind traffic at all. It gives me more time for my favorite books.
Thanks for sharing!
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Dear Adrienne, thank you so much for leaving your thoughts here. Oh driving gets me too but I am going to adopt your strategy here. If I can survive in the garage, I can survive in traffic too! Audio books must be great. I listen to podcasts sometimes. Either way, you are learning and using the time wisely as you wait as we are not able to do anything else about traffic! Thank you thank you for sharing this, Adrienne!!
I loved this Farnoosh!
When we learn to accept inevitability, we’re able to recognize the positive in any situation, even one that at first appears negative.
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Raam, so happy to see you here – and so glad you like the story! I am sure you had more than your fair share of things going awry and unexpected during your trip to the East! Thanks for the vote of confidence, dear friend!
We seem to be walking together at this point in the path, Farnoosh. I have noticed how so often my first thought comes from how I think things ‘should’ be or a story I’m telling myself about what a situation means. Fortunately, I notice this quite quickly and return to reality, which is a sweet place once I strip away all those false layers of meaning.
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Jean, you are the wisest woman I know – you must be pulling my leg. Your first reaction most likely surpasses mine any day of the week, given the same crazy situation that we each cause on our own
! Thank you for sharing those thoughts – love seeing your additions to my musings!
Farnoosh,
This is a great anecdote of experiencing true presence. It is an interesting idea to meditate with eyes open as well. By staying engaged in the environment it seems it would be a wonderful way to transfer the practice of mindfulness to daily life, instead of making a separate moment for the being still, we can transfer this practice to other circumstances. I really like how to relate this practice to the ability to think before we act. Impulse control is such a valuable ability and developing self-awareness can help us to take the high road in many of life’s stressful and difficult situations, which can make a huge difference. Thanks!
Joe, I am still working on all of it but it’s wonderful how you put it all in perspective. Now I want to master the practice of stillness and mindfulness in the face of all of daily life’s activities! I know some people who must practice this. They exude amazing presence and confidence even in the most stressful situations and I envy their sense of control even though control is hardly the answer. As you said, it is being grounded and making sure our impulses don’t run away from us. Thanks for sharing these thoughts!
Hi Farnoosh!
I really enjoyed this post! I am battling with anxiety and difficulty just “BE-ing”. I am trying to change my reactions, if not the first one, at least the second or third! I am going to explore your blog to see what else I can glean. I write about my ongoing journey to wholeness on my blog, I’d love to have you visit!
Bernice
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Hi Bernice and welcome to the blog! I don’t have all the answers and in fact I share in some of your struggles so you can be sure to find the topic if you search a few keywords and I sincerely hope that whatever you stumble across is helpful on your path. Of course I will pay a visit to your blog especially about that article on dogs!!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
“So what if I fall an hour behind? Maybe in the end, I fall a year ahead with this stillness and deep sense of presence and appreciation.” Love the thought process here! Well written and thought provoking…as always!
Dear Ann, are you proud of me? Knowing me, you know how hard this one must’ve been! It makes my day to know that you read what I write and that you even find it of value. I am so happy you agree iwth that line – it really comes down to that, doesn’t it? We jut don’t know if we are getting ahead with rushing all the time – but sometimes it really feels like we are not! Thank you for saying what you did!
Like a breath of fresh air…that’s what your posts are for me. They come at just the right time as if you knew…a breath of fresh air. Thank you.
*blush blush* – I am humbled and happy that you find the blog so refreshing. You motivate me anew to keep publishing twice a week even though I have some vacation coming up – I shall not miss a heartbeat for my readers!
Dear Farnoosh,
I’m constantly amazed by you! I had to laugh at your first reaction, since it is so similar to what mine might have been. The wonder of it all is the capacity of our beautiful mind to see the habit and transform it – which you celebrate so beautifully in this article. None of us are perfect yet, but it’s OK – there’s always the second thought to help reshape our experience and bring us more joy and happiness.
This is a potent insight: “I changed my thoughts and therefore my reaction. ” Thanks for sharing this transformative experience with us.
I’m deeply honored you remember my words about meditation and mentioned me in this article. Glad they were part of opening to a new experience.
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Dear Sandra, thank you so much for your lovely comment – and yes you came to my rescue and I could hear your words from a previous post when I was meditating. I am going to try this meditation again. My eyes were not wide open, they were about 70% open and relaxed. Is that how you have yours? Oh yes, my first reaction WAS to be laughed at – even by me in hindsight but thank goodness for those second chances. And thank you for the motivation on changing up my meditation routine! Pleasure all mine!
Farnoosh,
I am glad you wrote about this, one time, we had a power turned off during a friend’s gathering and storm and we did not know what to do but after while, we had candles on and we sang song, played board games. We were having so much fun that when light finally came on, we turned off again to play and sing!
Our first reaction was very opposite, if only we give chance to possibilities.
I am glad you asked Jean to also participate in life lessons series. Angela should be next! As Katie, Marian, Arvind has done it already , I am sure I will think of more blog friends later!
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Preeti, I can so see that situation – You adapted, you accepted and you made it fun! Who needs lights when you have family and games especially!!! Fun times. Thank you for relating and sharing your story!
Jean made a tremendous contribution as have all others. I am pretty sure Angela has participated but I have to go check now! Thank you for the vote of confidence and for your kind comment here!
Yes, changing my perception, changed my reality to better one!
I think Angela has not done life lessons as far as I know, you may want to double check!
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We had totally forgotten by oversight and we went to her with deep apologies. She forgave us and is posting her lessons tomorrow (Fri Sept 3rd) so all is good
Thank you Preeti for that great reminder!
I felt relaxed just reading this story – once we’d got over the angst and into the mediatationpart:) It’s a brilliant example of relaxing into whatever life brings you and being determined to make the most of it. I love Sandra’s quote too: “staying present with whatever is”. We can’t run away from the slings and arrows of life, we have to face up to them and make the best of them as you did here.
Thanks for sharing your story. Om:) Annabel
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Dear Annabel, yoga and meditation in your world too? I am happy that the relaxation crossed over all the distance between us and still survived. Indeed, I was so proud of my second reaction and so happy with the meditation results! Slings and arrows are indeed what we may be thrown but with our reaction, we can turn them into roses and bubbles! Thank you for taking time to comment, Annabel, merci mille fois!
Farnoosh,
Ahh…those silver linings that come from moments like this. Loved this story, and how you felt a shift as you moved into this space of yoga and meditation.
How often do we NOT see that silver lining…perhaps a sign of some sort…
So very wonderful that you did, and that you have shared that here.
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Lance, it was so true – I don’t think I could have planned it as well as it actually happened…..It was magnificent! And I want to seek it again and find it again. But I have no answer to your question, only more reflection. Thank you so much for your comment!
What a wonderful serendipity you discovered, in being locked out of your home. Thank you for sharing your story. It is a reminder to us all to stay calm and look for the positives in any situation…they are always there.
P.S. I have just discovered your site, being drawn to it by seeing you had written a review on The Count of Monte Cristo. Pleased to meet you, Farnoosh.
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Dear Joanne, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts in such nice words! Staying calm is not over-rated!! Oh I am so happy to hear that you liked Monte Cristo too – and welcome! I am very happy you are enjoying the site!
Farnoosh: What a great story and illustration on how acceptance really plays out in everyday life. I think we all have had those times when we know our first reaction was not the reaction that was going to calm us down and give us peace of mind. However, it is easy to fall into the trap and turn left instead of right after the initial reaction and then you end up letting things build, one thing leads to another and before you know it you are in a downward spiral. Seeing how you just stopped after your initial reaction and turned what would usually be an annoying situation into a powerful afternoon yoga session was great. This is how we all need to deal with challenges and obstacles that come our way. I don’t know if I am able to do this 100% of the time, but I definitely am working on it:) Thanks for such a great story and lesson.
Sibyl, so nice to see you here. 100%? Are you kidding? I am no where near that so if you are more than half way there, I’ll celebrate on your behalf! It’s no easy task at all but sometimes, you wonder why all the fuss for the small stuff – it is just so exhausting and takes up so much energy when in a few hours or in a day, it will matter so little. And I agree with your assessment exactly on those reactions that go out of control. So many regrets I have for poor reactions when I was younger but now I have plenty of time for better ones and so do all of us. So happy you enjoyed this! Thank you for your comment and your thoughts always!
There is an amazing grace to be found between the reaction and the choice. In that pause is where we decide who to be. Thanks for reminding me of that in a wonderful style that’s all your own.
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Dear Emma, you said the most beautiful phrase – “In that pause is where we decide who to be” – sometimes a good decisions, sometimes a regretful one. Thank you for your profound comment.
Hi Farnoosh,
Learning to deal gracefully with life’s little annoyances is such a huge life lesson. I think I truly reached adulthood when I stopped over-reacting to things. I remember noticing around 15 years ago that I felt differently. Life was not a series of fires to be put out, but a daily adventure with twists and turns to be navigated. I stopped worrying, and fussing and focusing on the small stuff – and my life is tremendously better!
Farnoosh thank you for reminding me how far I’ve come. I love the way your write!
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Hi Angela, that’s the best way to live life and you seem to manage to do it consistently. Bravo! I am still stumbling and falling but once in a while, a light shines out of nowhere and shows me the better way like this past Saturday. Here’s hoping we don’t stumble too often over the little stuff. Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts!
Hi Farnoosh,
Life has a beautiful way of teaching us things. Good for you for seeing the possibilities in such a situation.
When I began my journey on the monastic path, one of the first quotes (by the Buddhist teacher Shantideva) I heard was that if there is a solution to your problem, there is no need to worry. And if there is no solution to your problem, then there is no need to worry.
Our experience of life is dependent on our perception of it. Every situation is an opportunity at mastery. As for meditation…after being a student of it for 13 years, I have come to see that it is a way of living. The more we meditate and become mindful…the more happiness and inner peace we will have.
Dear Nadia (gosh I love that name!
), thank you for your wonderful comment. And especially for sharing about your monastic path. Of course it never changes: the simplest and most logical quotes come from the wisest and are hardest to implement! Another way of remembering this is the right path to living well. 13 years of meditation? I am envious. Do you write about your discipline to meditate so consistently? Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!
Hi Farnoosh.
I almost always benefit from items like this that are rare occurrences like this. We quickly adapt, and then we see how we have been racing too fast or doing things without much of a plan or erring in some other way. One might call it a forced routine correction. This can happen from a flat tire, or a locked door, or a person needing help, or various other ways. It takes us out of our routine for a bit, which is usually long enough to see ourselves from a third perspective.
I like that you point out that those 40 minutes in the garage were well-spent minutes. I know what you mean, as it was a time of understanding.
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Hello Armen, racing too fast and doing too many things is the way of life it seems – so much so that slowing down seems strange, even if calm and soothing. Those were great 40 minutes indeed – and I am sure you have some experience to relate directly – or else I can come over and give you a flat tire on the spot, no favors asked in return
! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Armen!
Farnoosh, this post resonated with me. It reminded me of my own journey – from the time when my knee-jerk emotional reactions controlled my day/ my experiences – to eventually strengthening my mind to find a new perception when things go awry. Yes, life was more dramatic with full bodied heightened emotions in those older days, but I feel I’ve upgraded to an overall better life experience
I love you words:
“Next time something goes awry in life, I promise myself to turn the situation around with a creative approach, a quiet logical mind and a receptive heart and a dose of patience.”
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Hi Aileen, you are not alone on the knee-jerk reactions! I am still working through mine – although sometimes, people drive me insane but that’s the whole point, isn’t it!
– And exactly as you say, life may be full of drama but such unnecessary drama, isn’t it. Upgrading to a better, more well-thought-out way of living is far more rewarding. Thank you for resonating with me.
Thank you for this story. Great reminder about the importance of reactions. We’ve found that 90% of any outcome, isn’t determined by the situation itself, it’s determined by the reaction. Glad to see your second reaction created an outcome that benefited you. Now, how about working on the first reaction to save yourself and others the aggravation!!
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Hello Heather and Michael, thank you for your comment. Our reactions have a huge impact on our life – I am not surprised by that 90% statistic. I wonder if that have observed me in earlier life and came up with that
!
And yes, the ideal would be working on that FIRST reaction – tell me about it. I am working on it!
Hi Farnoosh,
Oh, I loved this post again! I really enjoy your writing. I have experienced both sides of the coin – on one hand, I am likely to fly off the handle and freak out when something unexpected happens. On the other, when I actually take time to be conscious and take some deep breaths, I can usually reason out the situation. It often ends up sounding much like your second reaction – it is not the end of the world if I am late to or miss this class/appointment/meeting. The earth will still be turning, and you will still be breathing. Just calm down and deal with the situation. Ironically, reacting this way often gets me to a better resolution, and faster, than freaking out. Must remember to do this more often.
Dear Maggie, how nice to see you back here. Thank you for the kind words. I am right there with you on freaking out and reacting out of place – In hindsight a lot of things won’t matter in the long term but sometimes, after I calm down, I realize that some things still do bother me even if I smooth out my reaction – and even then, I can take better steps to correct my attitude and reaction towards them…..so even if things do matter, reactions have to be in check. Yes, we must both remember it. Thanks for the vote of confidence here!
Farnoosh, thank you for writing this beautiful post. I feel refreshed and enriched having read it. You drew me right into your experience and to the grace of times when things don’t go our way (or so we think) and we can allow it to take us to a new and “better” way. This story is so full of wisdom.
I especially love when you say “So what if I fall an hour behind? Maybe in the end, I fall a year ahead with this stillness and deep sense of presence and appreciation.” Yes, yes, yes! A year ahead in fulfillment, and even in accomplishment once established in that easy, natural, intuitive way of being.
Dear Mary, I am so excited to have a comment from you – you are a bit of a celebrity to me with all your meditation oasis podcasts and your most soothing voice….I am so happy you enjoyed this story. Thank you for making the podcasts and for taking time to see the enormous effect it is having on my life and I am sure on many others as well.
I have a couple of other friends, also Westerners living busy modern lives, who also literally fell into meditative moments. One was out hiking alone and tripped, falling off a path and into a ditch he was too physically exhausted to climb out of. Another lost his way between two small villages in India and got caught by nightfall. After being jolted into Quiet, out of his planned, controlled, onward rush of scheduling, he also gained the knowledge that being able to spend the night in a grain field on the side of the road meant more freedom. Your 40 minutes reminded me of them and echoed through my week, to good effect. Thank you for sharing this.
Rebekah, that’s fortunate in the end but it happened in unfortunate ways to your dear friends. Sometimes, wake up calls are rude in life! Thank you so much for sharing how your two friends “fell” into the quiet and found peace in it. May we all remember this when we need it the most!
Here you go…
“I instantly felt an overwhelming sense of calm from accepting the situation – and funniest part is that I was not calming myself at all. I felt an energy or a force calming me. I was simply responding to it. I did not spend time fighting to be productive, anxious, worried, and agitated for the next 40 minutes.”
That’s meditation and if you can go to that space once, you can go there again.
Abubakar, ok you got me – yes I found the space, the zone and the serenity of it all – and I am going to look for it and go back again. Thank you for reminding me of my own struggle and showing me my very own solution.
Farnoosh, I am so stunned with what you say ad what you experienced! I believe that it matters what happens to us, but what matters the MOST is the attitude from which we deal with circumstances. Thank you for sharing your success (without even realizing it) in finding pleasure and tranquility in observing at what could have been the oddest thing to do: looking at a garage ceiling! Flowing with the moment helps us gain trust in realizing that everything happens for a reason!
Dear Yvonne, I was more than stunned when later I was telling my mom about it. Knowing me, my family was most stunned
! Sometimes, when the time is right – as in, when things have gone wrong but the timing finally is right and we are ready! – we just fall into the calmness…..Thank you for your very encouraging comment here!! I wish you the same wonderful (albeit second) reactions if you should come across any roadblocks…..(but may you not! 
)!
Hello Farnoosh!
Awareness of mental and emotional reactions is an inspiring topic. Either there is a positive, neutral or negative reaction. That in itself says a lot about the power of conditioning…
With mind training it’s possible to be grounded in the present moment throughout the day. When your attention is anchored in the present, you are said to be mindful; then, acceptance takes the place of habitual reactivity.
Great post!
Hi Axel, thank you – I have such a long way to go and in much need of training. Thank you for your thoughts and words. Our instant reactions really bring out the worst in us but I hope to be improving and of course I am glad you enjoyed the post!
I read this post a couple days ago but wasn’t going to comment (not that it isn’t comment-worthy because it totally is!) but time got the best of me at the moment. Yesterday I was ready to go on a “date” afterwork but my friend messaged me and said he had to stick around the office for a little while longer. Instead of getting bummed out because I was ready to head out for the evening, I remembered your post and thought to make use of my time so I logged onto Prolific Living to read more wonderful posts! So thank you dear cousin!!!!
Negar, that is so mature! I am so proud of you! You handled that far better than I probably would have at your age or even at my age (if I were to date – which I don’t anymore since I got married
)! It is wonderful to have you as a reader, not to mention as a most exquisite cousin! Thank you for sharing this story and here’s to many more exciting dates for you!
{ 3 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }