March 20th 2010 – The first day of spring and the Iranian new year more commonly known as Nowrūz (spelled at least half a dozen different ways in its tangled translation to modern English). The dawn of a new day, new season, and new beginnings. In a traditional Persian style, one of my cousins married his new bride. What marks the occasion in particular is not only the happy couple and our celebration of their love and union, which we tended to in abundance, but a family reunion that had been long since overdue.
After 20 years, all of my paternal relatives came together at long last in one city, in one room. There was no argument, no disagreement, no frown, no coldness – there were only tears, hearty laughter, and much silent forgiveness of the long years gone by without the union of us cousins, one that our parents so terribly should have granted us much sooner. Alas, we have the present and we will take it. We are all grown adults with our own families, careers, and homes. We are too old to play with each other or baby sit one another. We are not yet – not ever I hope – too old to delight in each other’s every word, every story and every joke. Try and stop us now from catching up on 20 years – with enough time and patience and love, we will make up for the lost time and make the future a different one.
We none of us knew we would feel this way in the company of one another, but some bonds are unbroken – that much we have proven naturally and without effort – and sometimes, second chances we receive, albeit unpleasantly late, and we must embrace what time we can have together now. The past we can probably not reclaim, but reminisce it we shall. The present and future, however, are at our command, and we plan to make up for that lost time with a vengeance – the soft and sweet and bubbly kind of vengeance, I mean.
Certain decisions form when you least expect them. All the techniques and skills available to us sometimes cannot work the magic of that unexpected moment when it all comes together. That instant when you take one look at life around you and decide to turn that longtime percolating idea into reality. You may still have no idea how to implement it, and most likely, even if you knew, you would have no time at all to work on it. Those facts, ironically, are irrelevant and secondary to the matter at hand. When you make that decision, you know you will find a way to bring it all to fruition. The rest is all detail.
In a similar manner, on the way home from that New Jersey reunion, I committed to the idea of writing my book, the memoirs of leaving Iran on a 2-week vacation to Turkey which has extended to over 20 years and on starting a new life in the US. I was initially inspired to do this after reading “Funny in Farsi” and more seriously, after finishing “Reading Lolita in Tehran“, both excellent reads whether you are American, Iranian or everything in between. Now I have no doubt I need to make my own memoirs happen.
In those moments before the instance your decision is made, many adverse factors present themselves shamelessly, boldly and loudly. Here is the unedited script of my mental monologue between my adversary self and me.
My adversary self:
“You are not a writer, you have engineering degrees (even though you never truly belonged in the field), background in computer networking and project management. Oh and blogging is not writing a novel, exactly.”
Me:
“First of all, I believe if you can feel, if you are determined to express yourself to the world and if you believe in your message, you can find a way to write and write well. In more practical terms, I will become a writer if I must – I will take creative writing classes and develop my voice as a writer.”
My adversary self:
“Even so, no one will read your book. You probably have to give it away for free. If not, you have to self-publish on demand and barely recover costs of producing it, much less make a profit.”
Me:
“So what? I am not writing because it has to be read; I am writing it to celebrate my memoirs and the life we left behind to live the new one. I am writing it as a tribute to our courage. And how do you know who will or will not read it until you try and until you do? Can we start by assuming limitless possibilities – or at the very least, abolish negative thoughts please so I can hear myself think clearly?”
My adversary self:
“You absolutely have no time for anything else. What are you going to give up to do this? Your full-time job? Your daily yoga practice? Your blogging and guest posting for the community? Your interest in photography? Your Tango? Your travels? Your reading? What are you going to change to make this even barely sensible?”
Me:
“I have no idea. I will find a way. All I know is that it will all work itself out with determination and perseverance. My mind is made up. The rest will follow. Haven’t you noticed how productive and creative I get when I am happy and on a mission? Maybe today, I am not as productive or as focused as I could be, and I believe inspiration alone will feed new life and new energy into my mind and body.”
My adversary self:
“So you have decided to work with your father on this because his memories will fill the gaps in yours. Brilliant in theory but you hardly agree on anything, and it might just end up being another abandoned project, with a lot of lost time (which you don’t have to begin with)!”
Me:
“Disagree we may but not on the fundamental things, mostly in our expression of it. And in its essence, we both cherish our memories of those days. Besides, agreeable minds do not exactly come up with the most creative and authentic material. Writing a book is not a quiet, undisturbed, and agreeable process. I imagine it would be chaotic, hard work, lots of sweat and tears and laughs, and many poor drafts before the golden one emerges. I am signing up for this and you, my dear mind, cannot change my mind, so get over it and get on board because we are writing a book to tell the world about our memoirs!”
To my Beloved Readers: A penny for your thoughts on family reunions, new decisions, battling self-doubt when new ideas set in and embracing possibilities. Leave us a comment below and start a conversation.
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{ 33 brilliant comments, Care to add another? }
I absolutely love this article!! I am so incredibly proud of you for making the commitment to write a book. I can not wait to read it! I have been thinking long and hard about the past and Iran and our family – this book could not come at a better time. I want to learn every detail that you remember and experienced. I feel like there is so much to learn and by reading this (to-be) book, I will gain a much needed connection to Iran and our past.
My favorite part from an article about cousins that appeared in Oprah magazine in 2001 is: “It is easy to love cousins. Linked by our DNA and our history, we know one another well but still retain the mystery of our lives apart. There is no fighting for territory or belongings. There is no common parent to tell us what to do or how to behave, cousins admire one another’s quirks, revel in one another’s attention, adore one another for both our sameness and our differences.” – Ann Hood.
Negar, dearest, thank you so much for the encouragement. You will probably be in the book. I have to address issue of my character names and whether we use aliases (most probably) or stay with true names (only with permissions from others) and I want to make the memoirs as poignant and personal as possible without stepping on anyone’s privacy and need for anonymity in the family…so I will be thinking about all that and most likely asking you and other cousins for advice! Love the Ann Hood quote. We so represent that! Thanks for reading!
Hi Fabuloosh.
Very cool reunion there. There is not much that is better than a warm gathering of that type.
I sure like that whole section of you discussing the concepts with your adversarial self. I had once thought of doing something like that in an article, as it really presents our thinking.
Your book concept is worthwhile, so that is a solid foundation.
On the topic of self-doubt, I usually end up overcoming it by telling it to go jump off of a cliff or such.
Your self-answers to why you are writing the book sure do cancel out any efforts the adversarial self could put out. You want to express your past, and whatever else comes along is a bonus. Good stuff.
Hi Armen, you would do so very well – not to mention humorously – if you were to write out your dialogues with yourself – or is that a monologue?
Thank you for the encouragement. I am definitely going to pursue this.
Given the current (and probably ongoing, at least for the foreseeable future) political climate, I think this book would have a very good market, both domestic (US) and international. It would also help facilitate understanding between the two cultures — every little bit helps!
The differences between your recollection and your father’s could be used as a positive aspect of the story, rather than a negative. His viewpoint is no less valid than yours, and it would be interesting to compare and contrast your two perspectives. You two could serve as a personification of the conflict old world (your father more closely tied to the history and traditions of Iran) and new world (you more closely tied to the US and its western culture).
Also, you could tie your photography into the project. And what an excuse to travel! Travel to the town where you grew up, roam around the campuses and important places of yesterday, taking pictures to help provide visual imagery to the story. Photography and travel could help advance this project, not simply distractions competing for your time.
And EVEN IF you get part-way through this project and quit, you will have learned a lot about yourself and your history. You’re a good writer. I’d love to see this happen.
Just be sure to make me the superhero character that cures cancer.
You two could serve as a personification of the conflict BETWEEN old world (your father more closely tied to the history and traditions of Iran) and new world (you more closely tied to the US and its western culture).
Also, get a good editor.
Jerry, what a well-thought out response to the post! Thank you. The climate for Iran and all the politics surrounding it are a touchy subject and while I have a clear position of supporting freedom – opposite of everything Iran has tasted in the last 30 years – I really want to be careful how to broach that in my memoirs which is more about people, the 2 cultures – Persian and Iranian – that you mention here, and leaving one’s homeland without a notice and never returning. Speaking of which, I could not do the photography – much as I would LOVE to – because I have not mustered the courage to yet return to Iran since 1989.
Hey I’m supposed to be the superhero character that cures cancer, or the manager of the superhero character that cures cancer. Yeah, I’m fine with being the manager.
Armen, thank you for offering yourself as a super hero. This is not a comic book or science fiction. I am going to have to reject the kind offer and suggest you instead appear as the voice of my long lost dog, Lucky!
No way. I am not appearing as the voice of your long lost dog Lucky~ Looks like I have to find a new person who is writing a book to be a manager in.
On a separate note, though, I think Jerry’s point there about cultural representation is quite relevant. History and perspective would come along for the ride in the memoir.
Hi Farnoosh,
xo
Great post – I loved our time together this weekend, and I’m so excited to see you setting off on this journey of writing a book, a memoir. I’m sure there are some amazing insights and stories to tell. I think you should also pick up Persepolis and read it – it’s a quick, engaging read, and the graphic novel format works really well with the story. The author was 9 when the revolution started (as was I) except she stayed in Iran (whereas I left). I really connected with her and the story. The book sat on my shelf unread for a couple of years but I’ve reread it a couple times now(I used to avoid reading memoirs/stories about Iran during that time for whatever reason but am getting over that). I’ve read the other books you mentioned and I think you’d like this one too.
You’re a thoughtful and honest writer and I cannot wait to read your recollections and reflections, as well as your Dad’s. Really liked the JCC article as well and identified with it myself (except that I *did* lie… Oh well, no longer! Now also proud!)
Dear Deana, thank you so much for the encouragement. You know it means the world to me to have you behind me on this emotional journey ahead. I will get Persepolis this weekend! You will not believe this but I could not for the life of me bring myself to rad anything about Iran until one day I passed “Reading Lolita in Tehran” and it called my name. It was time to start and while it’s difficult, it is our heritage. I think we are now old enough to appreciate where we came from, as it no doubt has had an impact on where we are today. Thank you for being there!
I can’t wait to read this book!! I think a lot of people will find it very interesting, for many different reasons- to learn about your personal experience of belonging to a country with such turbulent past & present, to compare your journey of leaving home & finding another with what they went through.. & you have such a beautiful writing voice that there is no way it would get lost among others.
P.S. I’ve read “Reading Lolita in Tehran”, saw & read “Persepolis” & have ” Funny in Farsi” on my bookshelf right now. This is an interest to such books!!!
Write the book! Have no fear. It’ll be great.
(I loved “Reading Lolita in Teheran”)
Please be sure to post this wonderful blog on Elephant.
Bob Weisenberg
Thank you Bob…..!! No fear, none! Just courage and perseverance !
First, what a beautiful picture!
Second – you are one of the best writers I know. I have no fear that you will write an amazing book and know that you have a wonderful community right at your fingertips! I’m here to support every step of the way – so let me know! I think you have so much to share, Farnoosh…and you’re an amazing writer.
Can’t wait to see what comes next!
Laura, *Blushing*, thank you – boosting my ego and being so kind. Thank you so much for the support! Made my day!
Farnoosh,
First off…so good to hear about the family gathering. Moments like this can be a real gift and chance to connect with people we have a close tie with…even if we don’t see them very often.
Self doubt. I have been there. And my belief as I grow older (and hopefully a bit wiser) is that it only holds us back…and keeps us from our full potential. So, I love that you have countered your self doubt with belief. Believing that you can do this is the first step toward making it happen. And maybe things won’t go exactly as you have planned….and that’s okay. Just keep always believing in you…and the dreams you have…
Thank you Lance! Very true. The reunion was close to a transformation for me. Self-doubt seeps in to our plans without invitation far too often, doesn’t it! And I am completely ok with nothing going as planned, so far as I finish the journey and see it through. Thanks for stopping by and the encouragement!
Go for it! It will be a very fine book. Please don’t doubt your ability as a writer. I am looking forward to your book.
Do you have an agent? A good agent makes a world of difference.
Thank you Bunburina….LOL. No I don’t have an agent or anything – I only have a will to write my book. That’s all!
Just do it…and, I can’t wait to read it…as I am sure you will do it!
I can see how you would have doubts because it is quite an undertaking, but one of which you (especially YOU) are well capable! I believe having your father help is a fantastic idea…the two different perspectives will be a wonderful dynamic! Also, if time is a concern, you will make the time because it is something that you will enjoy…perhaps, cutting yoga back to 5 days a week?
How very fulfilling it will be to re-live those wonderful memories…some of them happy, sad, and everything inbetween…but, wonderful because they are about the person you have become today (which is quite wonderful, I might add)!! I’m sure, also, that you will learn a lot more about you and your family’s past…that’s always so much fun! I actually went to lunch with my mother today and was asking her all kinds of questions about our family history, etc…I so enjoy that!!
So happy that you were able to reconnect with a lot of your father’s side of the family!
Much love,
Ann
xoxo
Ann, dearest, you are so supportive and sweet – and if only I can pull it off, I think combining those perspectives will indeed be very interesting and I hope entertaining and worthwhile as a story for the readers. Thank you so much for reading the posts, for stopping by and for sharing your beautiful thoughts.
Farnoosh, this is *great news.* You are a born writer and will have a unique story and a unique way of telling it together with your father. So many people are literate but not writers, not passionate, not driven by a need to articulate what they experience inside. Mechanics are easy or can be edited; the creative urge can’t be manufactured. Your writer’s voice, by the way, is strong, clear, and unaffected. Everyone profits by friendly editing, but you don’t need any development on that front. I know I’m biased — but still
We don’t all have to be George Eliot in order to give the world what we have to give. I’m excited.
Rebekah, my dear friend, Tolstoyan inspiration and role model of a classics lover, thank you. I am overwhelmed with all the support and need to put my Dad to work at my earliest. Flattery or truth, you are reassuring my bold and brave itch to write this book. And this shall not slow down the turning of the pages to rest of Anna K and all of War & Peace. Thank you.
Amazing, just amazing!
Can I sign up as your first buyer? We already talked about this after your great guest post on my blog and I’m more than curious. As for the dialogue with your adversary self, I so know the feeling
I have them all the time. We ended up being friends. Sometimes I talk him into going out to grab a beer or something. As adversary as he can be, he cannot stand a good beer 
All the luck in the world and if I can be of any help, please do not hesitate to ask.
Dragos, I thought of our conversation too – and I think after reading about your past in the interview, you may be sitting on a good story too. You are signed up as my first buyer. Stay tuned, and you bet you that I will count on your support, as you can on mine for anything. Thank you!
Hey Farnoosh,
Don’t listen to your adversary self. Start collecting the general theme and the pieces here and there. There have been previous bloggers who became writers. With your style of writing, I’m quite sure you’ll find plenty of readers.
And doing it with your father, will add double the value, since there will be different perceptions of the same incident.
I absolutely encourage you on this. Just let me know when the first version is ready to pre-order on Amazon
Naghmeh, I won’t listen. I started documenting the stories from my childhood friends’ fantastic memory and have got my dad a recorder to start talking and remembering the past. I am in research mode and trying to do it while maintaining the blog and my day job. Wish me luck and you shall know first and foremost. Thanks for the support!
Came to this post via several jumps starting at aliventures. Firstly in reference to another post it was curiosity about an unusual (at least to me) name that brought me here, it is the writing that will bring me back.
I once met a man who had a great interest in history that started because of the occassional diaries kept by a relative starting in 1865 describing the mundane but now fascinating details of travelling to India on a troopship. The man was now the fourth generation to maintain an occasional diary. The man ran a garage and showed me a collection of aero engines I was surprised by the variety of layouts that have been tried. As I left we shook hands and he described how I was 4 handshakes away from Hitler which was his unusual way to show how close 60 years was.
All this is my way of saying get on with it is a worthwhile project. I wish I had realised what odd lives my grandparents had lived because of serving in the British Army and had asked the questions.
Hi Dough, glad to have you here. I am very happy that you enjoy my writing (and/or my name!! It’s Persian.)
The story you share here goes to show us how not so long ago 60 years ago really was….I think about that all the time….I mean, I hardly feel my age and the real time lapse is when we begin to think of the age of the universe and the stars and galaxies and it just hurts the brain. 60 years is but a blink.
I wish I could be in the company of my grandparents these days too….often we realize all the smart things in life when it’s slightly too late. Alas! I do hope sincerely to see you back again. Thanks for your comment!
Farnoosh, I absolutely think you should write your memoir. Everyone has a story to tell and you are particularly good at telling yours, as evidenced from your blogs (which I enjoy to a surprisingly high degree!) Your story is bound to be fascinating and I have no doubt you can bring it to life. Please let us know how you’re progressing with it.
An old post and a comment form an old friend. Hello Robert. I too am surprised that you are reading my blog and enjoying it. Well, the memoirs are on hold right now as I am working hard on my own product line and hope to have a new focus and new direction soon. Plus I lost my Dad’s support in the book so I may be on my own which makes it very hard because there is a lot of gap in my memory. Someday, I’d love to write this. Hope you are doing well. Thank so much for dropping by and sharing these thoughts.
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